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oh-eve wrote:
>> i didn't have the mental capability to realize how nasty we were.
Has that changed?
yes. But I call out bullsh... and speak out lout what everyone else thinks (I guess you refer to a different thread). I won't put anyone down for how they look but I will tell you if your statements don't make sense.
yes. But I call out bullsh... and speak out lout what everyone else thinks (I guess you refer to a different thread). I won't put anyone down for how they look but I will tell you if your statements don't make sense.
I wish I had your insight of knowing what everyone else thinks. That's quite a gift!
Or being so sure of myself I can really tell if something is bs, or doesn't make sense, and my judgement is sufficiently sound that people want to hear it. I'm sadly lacking in that level of self-confidence!
If only I were free of any concerns about offending people or hurting their feelings, maybe I would do better in this regard.
Yes, bullied by mostly boys but sometimes snide girls.
I was an overweight, smart but quiet girl, and also had a tendency to get cold sores on my lip (since I was 4) so kids always felt the need to pick on me.
I became an overachiever, but also a people pleaser and man pleaser. When I was single and had lost a lot of weight, I could turn a lot of heads. I tended towards the “bad boys” and trying to win their love. Also a lot of alcoholism. Now I’m married with a young son, a writer, sober for two years but I always feel like I have to “prove myself”. I want to trust people, but have a hard time with it. Yet I have a warm heart and tend to route for the underdog every chance I get. ♥️
From about fifth grade to high school I was bullied by this same group of boys in my elementary school. Sixth grade was especially bad. There were a bunch of them seated near me who harassed me constantly. I couldn't concentrate. Teachers noticed it, but all they did was move me to another seat on the other side of the room. When we had to line up in squads in gym class, they'd stand at least three feet behind me. Ditto coming in from recess. I was partnered with one of them for "basketball passing". He'd deliberately throw it hard so it hit me in the face. Then they taunted me for being "scared of the ball". They wouldn't let me sit with the class at our table at lunch.
Then in junior high these boys were joined by a new group of tormentors from the other elementary school in the district. I was slightly overweight (chubby but not obese, I was never heavier than 140 lbs. in 8th grade) , my ears stuck out, I had very crooked teeth, and had absolutely no style sense. In ninth grade English I sat right by the door and had a group of about a dozen tormentors...all boys...stand out in the hall and taunt me...say my name in a slurry tone (like a mentally challenged person would say it) or most of the time chant, "Ugly!!! Ugly!!! Ugly!!!". I stopped eating lunch and hid in the library. I was too nervous and upset to eat breakfast in the morning either. My weight started to drop.
In the next year, I had lost a lot of weight (30 pounds) and was a junior size seven. I got a job and bought cute new clothes. I had a simple surgical procedure that pinned my "Dumbo" ears back so they didn't stick out through my hair. I got braces. I felt great! I tried saying hello and being friendly to the guys who'd always mocked me. I thought we were finally on a different playing field and they'd be nice, too, if not just treat me normally. No way. A bunch of them (mostly jocks) proceeded to mob me in the hall between classes, cornering me, chanting "Ugly!!! Ugly!!! Ugly!!". By the end of 11th grade, it reached a climax. I wanted to kill myself. As far as other boys in school who noticed me (there were quite a few), I think they were scared off. I was never invited to prom.
It's been over 40 years. I don't know why those boys persisted in torturing me like that...I wonder about it to this day. I've never seen them since, and don't want to (unless it's an obituary in the paper). I'm now a youthful "almost 58", and told I'm very attractive for my age (without any plastic surgery). I take care of myself and work out every day. I have two wonderful grandsons, and that's an incentive!
When they are old enough to understand, I'm going to tell them that story. If I'm not here anymore, I'm going to put it in a letter. I'm going to make sure they NEVER bully anyone like that.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 02-13-2018 at 11:39 PM..
I was bullied as a child and think that such an experience makes you either more empathetic or causes you to become an abusive person yourself. I choose empathy. For three years, through middle school, there was a coterie of little boys, led by this French horn player named Kirk Hendrick, that bullied, teased, tormented, pushed and threatened me on a daily basis. I played the violin, had been moved ahead two years in school, and these guys were in orchestra. I could not enter the band room or walk down the hall without hearing the names they called me (unflattering names). On reflection, I should have taken Kirk aside and slapped him around, but all I did was go home and cry. When I look at photos of myself from that time, I was a pretty little girl, just tall.
He stopped in high school. I was in beauty contests and I think he felt ashamed of himself. But the high school orchestra director was principle oboe with the symphony and held classes in music theory and history. The boys in the class, different boys, took up the job and made fun of me and teased me, including the director's son.
Questions:
• Were you bullied as a child?
• Can you think why this may have occurred?
• How do you feel this affected your life subsequently?
There are real problems with treatment for people who have bullying-related problems. They are rarely brought into the mental health system compulsorily. Voluntary treatment is rare and often ineffectual.
From about fifth grade to high school I was bullied by this same group of boys in my elementary school. Sixth grade was especially bad. There were a bunch of them seated near me who harassed me constantly. I couldn't concentrate. Teachers noticed it, but all they did was move me to another seat on the other side of the room. When we had to line up in squads in gym class, they'd stand at least three feet behind me. Ditto coming in from recess. I was partnered with one of them for "basketball passing". He'd deliberately throw it hard so it hit me in the face. Then they taunted me for being "scared of the ball". They wouldn't let me sit with the class at our table at lunch.
Then in junior high these boys were joined by a new group of tormentors from the other elementary school in the district. I was slightly overweight (chubby but not obese, I was never heavier than 140 lbs. in 8th grade) , my ears stuck out, I had very crooked teeth, and had absolutely no style sense. In ninth grade English I sat right by the door and had a group of about a dozen tormentors...all boys...stand out in the hall and taunt me...say my name in a slurry tone (like a mentally challenged person would say it) or most of the time chant, "Ugly!!! Ugly!!! Ugly!!!". I stopped eating lunch and hid in the library. I was too nervous and upset to eat breakfast in the morning either. My weight started to drop.
In the next year, I had lost a lot of weight (30 pounds) and was a junior size seven. I got a job and bought cute new clothes. I had a simple surgical procedure that pinned my "Dumbo" ears back so they didn't stick out through my hair. I got braces. I felt great! I tried saying hello and being friendly to the guys who'd always mocked me. I thought we were finally on a different playing field and they'd be nice, too, if not just treat me normally. No way. A bunch of them (mostly jocks) proceeded to mob me in the hall between classes, cornering me, chanting "Ugly!!! Ugly!!! Ugly!!". By the end of 11th grade, it reached a climax. I wanted to kill myself. As far as other boys in school who noticed me (there were quite a few), I think they were scared off. I was never invited to prom.
It's been over 40 years. I don't know why those boys persisted in torturing me like that...I wonder about it to this day. I've never seen them since, and don't want to (unless it's an obituary in the paper). I'm now a youthful "almost 58", and told I'm very attractive for my age (without any plastic surgery). I take care of myself and work out every day. I have two wonderful grandsons, and that's an incentive!
When they are old enough to understand, I'm going to tell them that story. If I'm not here anymore, I'm going to put it in a letter. I'm going to make sure they NEVER bully anyone like that.
How very heartbreaking. One wonders if the children who tormented you ever realized it or regretted the damage they did. Or why the authorities at the school didn't protect you. You're amazingly forgiving.
I wish I had your insight of knowing what everyone else thinks. That's quite a gift!
Or being so sure of myself I can really tell if something is bs, or doesn't make sense, and my judgement is sufficiently sound that people want to hear it. I'm sadly lacking in that level of self-confidence!
If only I were free of any concerns about offending people or hurting their feelings, maybe I would do better in this regard.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
The person who bullied me wasn't jealous of me. He just enjoyed doing it. He even went looking for me on social media a few years ago and contacted me. He is a predator. I couldn't hide from him in jr. high and I think he wanted me to feel afraid of him now. I find it sad that he hasn't moved on with his life.
Did he contact you to apologize?
And yes. Bullies aren't jealous. They just enjoy feeling superior and think it's funny (to them, I guess it is).
As a former bullied victim (verbally and emotionally mainly) I wonder what's the point of receiving an apology?
What are you going to do with a super late apology? It already happened and our school years are long gone by now. It won't change what happened.
To be honest, if I were to receive any apologies from my former bullies, I would deny their existence by now by asking ''I'm sorry but who are you'' or ''I have no idea what you're talking about''. For me, the widow to receive any apology closed way back in 2005, my HS graduation. That was the time it would have been still fresh. Not anymore.
As a former bullied victim (verbally and emotionally mainly) I wonder what's the point of receiving an apology?
What are you going to do with a super late apology? It already happened and our school years are long gone by now. It won't change what happened.
To be honest, if I were to receive any apologies from my former bullies, I would deny their existence by now by asking ''I'm sorry but who are you'' or ''I have no idea what you're talking about''. For me, the widow to receive any apology closed way back in 2005, my HS graduation. That was the time it would have been still fresh. Not anymore.
Different for me. I think damage is done. But it would still give me a feeling of closure that they realize what a diphsh*g they were when we were kids.
It seems like I am almost the only person here who doesn't have hatred towards their bullies. It has been 25 years (OMG am I old) and if I would run into anyone, I wouldn't really have any feelings at all. We were kids. I think most bullies from back then grew up to be decent human beings. Many probably don't even remember what little a$$holes they were and if you would tell them "hey, remember you called me ... and caused everyone else to laugh at me, do you realize you ruined my life?" they would be genuinely surprised.
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