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I was definitely bullied as a child and I agree that, not only has it left a negative impact on my life (until I engaged in therapy), but it isn’t well understood and I don’t think we have come very far in the past number of decades. It affected my ability to get along with colleagues at work. It caused tremendous low self esteem, self worth and self image. What I have learned, though, is that the bully is the one with the problems. The victim of the bully is actually a very good person, but the bully is jealous and targets the individual.
I was definitely bullied as a child and I agree that, not only has it left a negative impact on my life (until I engaged in therapy), but it isn’t well understood and I don’t think we have come very far in the past number of decades. It affected my ability to get along with colleagues at work. It caused tremendous low self esteem, self worth and self image. What I have learned, though, is that the bully is the one with the problems. The victim of the bully is actually a very good person, but the bully is jealous and targets the individual.
This I what mother always told me--which is the maximum she did to protect me in this regard--but as you no doubt know, it is one thing to hear it and quite another to integrate the idea into your core personality, once it has been damaged.
You wonder how many people who have achieved eminence in some field have done so as a compensatory behavior in response.
The victim of the bully is actually a very good person, but the bully is jealous and targets the individual.
The person who bullied me wasn't jealous of me. He just enjoyed doing it. He even went looking for me on social media a few years ago and contacted me. He is a predator. I couldn't hide from him in jr. high and I think he wanted me to feel afraid of him now. I find it sad that he hasn't moved on with his life.
• Can you think why this may have occurred?
I wore braces and glasses and was an introvert
• How do you feel this affected your life subsequently?
I suffer from anxiety, and despise clicks, or when someone bad mouths and then tells me to shun someone.
The person who bullied me wasn't jealous of me. He just enjoyed doing it. He even went looking for me on social media a few years ago and contacted me. He is a predator. I couldn't hide from him in jr. high and I think he wanted me to feel afraid of him now. I find it sad that he hasn't moved on with his life.
That's ever so scary. Read the following:
The Liar in Your Life: The Way to Truthful Relationships, Robert Feldman New!
The End of Privacy, Charles J. Sykes
Desktop Witness, Michael A. Caloyannides
Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry, Albert Bernstein Kindle ed.
Net Crimes and Misdemeanors, J. A. Hitchcock
The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker
The Sociopath Next Door, Martha Stout
Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, Paul Babiak
Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, Robert D. Hare
The person who bullied me wasn't jealous of me. He just enjoyed doing it. He even went looking for me on social media a few years ago and contacted me. He is a predator. I couldn't hide from him in jr. high and I think he wanted me to feel afraid of him now. I find it sad that he hasn't moved on with his life.
WHAT??? are you serious??? So he didn't come back to apologize, he wanted to scare you? Oh I WISH, that would happen to me, he would open a can of worms and regret it hahaha.
I don't think many bullies are jealous. They are just mean kids. I remember we laughed about a child in kindergarten who regularly peed its pants. Of course it made it worse. I didn't have the mental capability to realize how nasty we were. I think it is the same with high school kids. Their brains are not developed enough to care that they screw up someones life forever. If you would confront them again in their 30s, I think most would regret their actions.
I was bullied as a child and think that such an experience makes you either more empathetic or causes you to become an abusive person yourself. I choose empathy. For three years, through middle school, there was a coterie of little boys, led by this French horn player named Kirk Hendrick, that bullied, teased, tormented, pushed and threatened me on a daily basis. I played the violin, had been moved ahead two years in school, and these guys were in orchestra. I could not enter the band room or walk down the hall without hearing the names they called me (unflattering names). On reflection, I should have taken Kirk aside and slapped him around, but all I did was go home and cry. When I look at photos of myself from that time, I was a pretty little girl, just tall.
He stopped in high school. I was in beauty contests and I think he felt ashamed of himself. But the high school orchestra director was principle oboe with the symphony and held classes in music theory and history. The boys in the class, different boys, took up the job and made fun of me and teased me, including the director's son.
Questions:
• Were you bullied as a child?
• Can you think why this may have occurred?
• How do you feel this affected your life subsequently?
1. Yup. Bullied verbally, and physically assaulted as well.
2. Do I know why the girls themselves, bully others? Who knows. Somethng in their family/social life was not right, I would assume. Do I know why they bullied ME? Of course. I think most victims know why they are being singled out.
3. I don't know, really. I am very independent, love my alone time, much more than most. I am strong, mentally and emotionally, physically too for that matter. However I had (have) a very supportive family, so that would make a huge difference in my "subsequent life".
The person who bullied me wasn't jealous of me. He just enjoyed doing it. He even went looking for me on social media a few years ago and contacted me. He is a predator. I couldn't hide from him in jr. high and I think he wanted me to feel afraid of him now. I find it sad that he hasn't moved on with his life.
Let him in, start a #metoo and screw him for life.
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