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I had a friend like this. Every week -- and I tended to see her twice a week -- it was something new. And she never actually did any of it.
I got tired of this and bailed. I don't understand why people have to suck up all the oxygen in the room talking about things that experience has taught us they'll never go through with.
Well, in her case I do, kind of. She wanted attention and approval, which she wasn't getting from her family. She wanted us to say, "Yes, that sounds great, you should go for it."
Well, in her case I do, kind of. She wanted attention and approval, which she wasn't getting from her family. She wanted us to say, "Yes, that sounds great, you should go for it."
Yep, my MIL was like that also.
IN fact, she would ASK advice, and then not take ANY of it LOL.
I remember one year she surveyed every single family member which square sample of beige carpet they would choose for her downstairs, and we all weighed in. No one could enter the home without looking over the carpet samples and hearing the entire rationale behind the beige. In the end she went a completely different direction. From that point on, we were all, "After all that drama? Why even bother weighing in?"
...at people who have trouble making decisions? I get that constant vacillation is annoying and everyone would prefer that people just choose something and be done with it, but some of us have difficulty doing that, and I've noticed that, as a rule, folks have very little patience for this and are at times downright rude about it. It's not as if we choose to be indecisive -- it's not exactly fun -- and we don't do it for attention. We're genuinely confused about which path to take in life, and it would help to be able to discuss the various options and even get some feedback. Has it to do with instant gratification or just that it's not about them?
We could make lists about the whys....
Feedbacks good sometimes. Consider looking into what the indecisiveness is about.
I'm not referring to decisions that adversely impact others nor about frivolous and insignificant decisions, but thinking out loud about plans for my own future. I hear a lot of "I thought you were planning to do this, and now you're thinking of doing that?" and "Let us know when you finally decide!" as if I'm deliberately jerking people around or something. I can see people being not particularly interested, but I'm puzzled by the level of irritation and almost distain I often detect. If I were listening to someone struggling over a life-altering decision, I think I'd empathize and be happy it's not just me. It does seem that many just make an impulsive decision, boom, that's it, and never look back. In a way I envy and admire them, but then again I'm not sure that's the best way to make life-altering decisions. I'm just noticing that there's very little charity for the deliberative process. People have short attention spans...
It could be that they are tired of being a sounding board for you. If you are talking a lot about what you will do in the future they might want you to just pick a path and be done with it. I'm not saying it's a great thing but it is a normal reaction. It's also normal to need to talk with people about decisions but realize not everyone will have unending patience for it even if they care about you greatly.
Of course you should go through whatever process it takes for you to make the best decision for yourself. Never stick to one course of action just because it's what you said you'd do for a big life choice. I'm not saying don't pick up milk on the way home if you said you would- I mean don't go into pharmacology or architecture just because you liked the idea of the path last year and told everyone you planned to go into a particular field. You are expected to learn new information and adjust choices accordingly. Everyone does.
I think the OP proved his point. There's hostility right here on this thread and it doesn't impact a single one of us.
I understand what you mean, OP. There's been times in my life where I've thought about a few options, and it is good to be able to talk out loud about it and bounce your idea off of someone. "What do you think about.....?"
But you have to be careful who you're sharing with because, essentially, most people don't care. They don't want to hear about your ideas, thoughts, brainstorming, etc. A lot of times, people think that you're deciding on something, that's why you're talking to them about it, even when you tell them, "I was thinking about this, it sounds interesting, not sure if I'll do it, but here's what I was thinking about it...."
For some reason, people have lost the art of conversation. They seem to think that any time you bounce an idea off of them, it means you're asking them to solve it for you. You can see that right here in the replies. Find a person or two who is able to tell the difference between "brainstorming ideas" and "help me solve my personal life long decision"...because a lot of people cannot tell the difference.
Again, I'm not asking for advice, and it's not TIME for me to do any of it yet (these are future plans; I'm not yet in a position to act), and it's usually prompted by, "So are you still planning...?" or some such invitation. But point proven!
Last edited by otterhere; 02-14-2018 at 07:02 AM..
It seems like you're being deliberately vague, re: who is being hostile with you, what specific actions you're labeling hostile, and the nature of the indecisive behavior triggering the hostile response. This makes it hard to offer meanIngful, specific feedback.
I try to be "deliberately vague" on CD - as should everyone - rather than leave bread crumbs; it's not always necessary to reveal every detail of one's life on the www in order to convey a question. For the most part, these are acquaintances with whom I gather to enjoy common interests versus close friends or family. They share what they're doing in their lives, and I share what I'm doing in my life and, since I'm the only one among them whose life will be drastically changing soon (retirement, if you must know), it's a regular topic of conversation. But unlike most people, the rest of my life isn't mapped out and constrained by marriage, obligations, money problems, or family ties. I'm basically free to do whatever I choose, which makes choosing quite difficult. Maybe they're just jealous, as my mother used to say.
I used to work at a drive thru at Chic-Fil-A, and you would think people would have an idea of what they want when they pull up- no! The most common answer I got when I said "How can I help you?" was ah, ah, ah, I want ah, ah...
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