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I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
Narcissistic personality disorder IS a diagnosable mental illness.
Whether someone "thinks of it" as a disorder is neither here nor there, it objectively *is* classified as a disorder.
Personality disorders in general, not just NPD, are fairly resistant to treatment, as psych disorders go. Many of them are rooted in significant trauma. When people cut sufferers out of their lives, this is often why. They have little reason to believe that the undesired behavior will cease. They may still love the person, but cannot/will not subject themselves to the behavior.
Beat in mind, too, that displaying narcissistic traits is not the same thing as having a full-blown personality disorder. There is a threshold to meet as far as sufficient diagnostic critetia, and not all maladaptive behavior is pathological.
Narcissistic personality disorder IS a diagnosable mental illness.
Whether someone "thinks of it" as a disorder is neither here nor there, it objectively *is* classified as a disorder.
Personality disorders in general, not just NPD, are fairly resistant to treatment, as psych disorders go. Many of them are rooted in significant trauma. When people cut sufferers out of their lives, this is often why. They have little reason to believe that the undesired behavior will cease. They may still love the person, but cannot/will not subject themselves to the behavior.
Beat in mind, too, that displaying narcissistic traits is not the same thing as having a full-blown personality disorder. There is a threshold to meet as far as sufficient diagnostic critetia, and not all maladaptive behavior is pathological.
I know there are dsm manual criteria. But my understanding is that it becomes a disorder when it starts to cause significant harm, like poor social/personal/professional functioning.
Yes, as far as behavior, narcs have nice streaks which draws you back in for a bit, but then it ALWAYS goes back to emotional abuse at some point-usually weeks to months.
It’s almost impossible for me to let go completely as they are my parents. But they keep coming back even when I think we’ve reached the end. Right now, I am putting on my mental suit of armor as we plan on meeting again next week with the kids. Getting ready for the usual cycle but hopefully this time it will go better. Thanks.
My dad is a Narc
I hate his ways but have learnt to switch off and walk away when he acts in such ways - resulting in him stopping stopping in doing it around me, so I agree it is a n state of mind, I think when bad things have been dealt to a person they feel they need to inflict on others weird but I still love him.
I tried, the so called training, when I'd go visit my mother....it never worked.
She'd talk and talk and talk, no matter what you were doing, you'd pretend to be watching the TV, and she'd continue talking and when she'd start running me down, I'd say, "Well, mom, I've got to go". Even I was only there for 10 minutes. It never worked...
And I don't know why, but was never able to switch her off...it was like fighting for my life when I was around her and no one else was there. She'd push your buttons, and keep pushing until she got a rise out of you, regardless if it was positive or negative...
honestly, I don't know how she managed all those years...really don't....
She'd get out paper, and manage her bills, over and over and over and over, again...constantly and if you'd try and advise her, you didn't know anything...
It was like, all she wanted to do was complain...but if you'd advise her, you didn't know anything...it was never ending.
My son and I tried to get her to sell her home, as it was costing her a fortune...we wanted her to move into an assistant living...tried to explain to her for years, that she'd have less bills and more money...
Oddly this one woman who she met, who became her caregiver, said one time to her, "you need to sell your house and move", and she did it? Still can't believe it.
I don't think it's a mental illness. It is a personality type in which someone feels superior thus uses others for their own needs and purposes. They are actually quite resilient and successful much of the time. I don't see how this makes them mentally ill. Supposedly they have low self esteem but I'm not so sure about that. I think they have the highest self esteem, and non-narc people don't understand that way of being so we want to label it as an illness.
No way in hades I'm feeling sorry for my Ns, as I do for bipolar or depressed people.
And its also revealing and telling how they attempt to hide it from others except for those behind closed doors. Very calculating and it appears that they "can" control it to some extent. I am calling a spade a spade and calling them what they really are: someone further up in the thread had it correct by calling them arseholes.
If it is a disorder then they need to behave that way around EVERYONE including in the workplace. Not coldly calculate their bad behavior that only those close to them (immediate family) know about.
If it is a disorder then they need to behave that way around EVERYONE including in the workplace. Not coldly calculate their bad behavior that only those close to them (immediate family) know about.
To be truthful I have seen them mess up in front of the wrong people, but they usually slide out of it - they "misspoke" or "didn't meant it like that", etc. and they charm they way out of it. Other times they will defend what they said or did as if it is no problem. Sometimes they hide it for years in charm, then it comes out in a big way, shocking a friend or partner.
I don't think they even work hard to calculate, it come naturally to their personality type. It would take a normal person a lot of hard thinking to come up with their schemes, but it comes naturally and they can generate their lies fast and off the cuff.
IMO, it isn't a sickness, it's a talent. It works for them to get them what they want, even if they have to pivot when people get sick of them, and they have flying monkeys to assist.
IMO, it isn't a sickness, it's a talent. It works for them to get them what they want, even if they have to pivot when people get sick of them, and they have flying monkeys to assist.
I agree. The flying monkeys usually say that they (the toxic individual) are one of the nicest person they ever met. But its easy to say that when you don't live with a toxic person. They don't realize that the person is lying about who they really are. The toxic person is wearing multiple masks. They are putting on an act to garner trust.
I agree. The flying monkeys usually say that they (the toxic individual) are one of the nicest person they ever met. But its easy to say that when you don't live with a toxic person. They don't realize that the person is lying about who they really are. The toxic person is wearing multiple masks. They are putting on an act to garner trust.
If it is a disorder then they need to behave that way around EVERYONE including in the workplace. Not coldly calculate their bad behavior that only those close to them (immediate family) know about.
Some people are high functioning and very clever at hiding their telling traits to protect themselves . My mother felt comfortable exposing her worst side because she knew I would not stop loving her or ever cut her off. My ed is the same in that she hides who she is from others and she cuts anyone off she thinks can see behind her mask.
If it is a disorder then they need to behave that way around EVERYONE including in the workplace. Not coldly calculate their bad behavior that only those close to them (immediate family) know about.
Well, what about sociopaths?
How about people who murder people and eat them, but are wily enough to know they need to hide the fact?
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