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I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
I really think this website (and book) would help you:
Honestly, because they cannot feel empathy, narcissistic parents are literally incapable of loving their children. Dealing with it is difficult and not like another illness.
I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
The latter. You can't help them -- they don't want help, they don't think they need help -- and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to work with them.
I was in therapy for quite a while to help me deal with a narcissistic mother. Eventually I learned that I had to distance myself from her emotionally and not think of her as my mother. If I didn't think of her as my mother, I didn't expect her to act like a "normal" mother, and I wouldn't be disappointed when she showed me, time and again, that she was not capable of doing so.
I didn't cut off contact with her. I started to think about her differently, and to remove all expectations about how she "should" act towards me, and things are good now. But it took a long time to get to this point.
Honestly? I would get yourself into therapy and maybe discuss your parents' behaviors with the therapist. They can't make a diagnosis, but they can listen to the behaviors you describe and offer you solutions for dealing with them. Or insights as to how this may have affected you in other aspects of your life.
My therapist did NOT diagnose my mother. She recommended a book about boundary setting that was about dealing with people with borderline personality disorder. I had figured my mother was a garden-variety narcissist, but reading that book not only gave me solutions and the starting point for discussions with my therapist, but it also clued me in on what was likely really going on.
I don't know how old you are (you may have mentioned elsewhere), but I was 40 when I started addressing this. I did it for my own happiness, but if you have kids or a significant other, you really owe it to them as well as yourself to unpack this stuff and how it's tainted your view of what is normal. And trust me, it has - there's no way it couldn't.
I started to think about her differently, and to remove all expectations about how she "should" act towards me...
... is key to dealing with narcissistic parents.
Because you cannot change their behavior in any way, you have to stop ruminating over it. All you can do is affect your own thoughts and behaviors, and releasing those expectations of having a loving, caring parent is the first step.
We don't get to choose our parents, so we have to deal with the parents we have as they are. Then through therapy you can learn how to parent that little child inside you that had to deal with narcissism.
I have a narcissistic mother and daughter, they feel nothing and there is no way to reach them. The best we can do is set boundaries or you will drive yourself mad. It’s hard loving people like this but there comes a point you have to let go and accept them for who they are and change how you respond or interact or keep a healthy distance.
I’ve written about toxic narcissistic parents in my other thread. Do you guys think that narcissistic personality disorder should be thought of as an illness like any other and that there should be sympathy and an attempt to work/help them in some way? Or is it so harmful to everyone around that it’s best to just limit or stop all contact to save your sanity and emotional well being?
I had a young friend who faced the same. She had very limited contact with her father....so she could have peace in her life.
there is no way to help treat them unless they get intensive therapy, IMO. I don't feel sorry for them.
I had a young friend who faced the same. She had very limited contact with her father....so she could have peace in her life.
there is no way to help treat them unless they get intensive therapy, IMO. I don't feel sorry for them.
I feel sad that my daughter would be cursed like her grandmother but not sorry for them, she is cold person who doesn’t care how her actions impact others. As for my mother it took me far too long to stop the denial and accept that her indifference played a role in the abuse I went through at the hands of her filthy husband.
Once affected by a narci it's near impossible not to want to kill them and rid the world of another sucking, parasitic life form. Best to just walk away.
Oh, I think behavior is a choice. Narcis don't see anything wrong with their behavior. They don't have a problem, they're never at fault and they may have thought they were wrong once but they were mistaken.
I have a narcissistic mother and daughter, they feel nothing and there is no way to reach them. The best we can do is set boundaries or you will drive yourself mad. It’s hard loving people like this but there comes a point you have to let go and accept them for who they are and change how you respond or interact or keep a healthy distance.
Well stated.
In my experience narcissists are trying to overcompensate for some insecurity or inferiority complex.
You can’t help these people. Maybe a psychologist could if the people were aware enought to check themselves into a medical facility, they’re not.
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