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How does that “let them off the hook”, and why are th ey “on the hook” to begin with? How should they explain a poor decision made years ago in your eyes? How long should people be “on the hook” for something stupid they did at 16?
If I tell someone I stole a necklace from Kmart when I was 16, and you ask me why, and I am now 56 and never stolen anything in my adult life, what is the answer you would want that doesn’t “let me off the hook”?
First of all, my answer was not meant to anger anyone. I know I did really stupid things as a young person.
But it seens to me that stating that I stole something because I was young and stupid, is really not getting to the heart of the misdeed. I stole because I gave in to a bad impulse, or because I wanted something I could not have otherwise. In other words, I did an evil thing for a base reason. Sure, I was young, and no doubt stupid, but I was also committing a criminal act, an act of evil. But I don’t want to deal with my baseness so I claim being young and stupid as the reason.
Yes, as long as what you did was in your youth and didn't result in anything permanent or irreversible for you or anyone else. Folks get a stupid tattoo, they get a few dings on their credit report, they dropped out of college. All those things can be reversed with time and the right choices.
However, if you murder someone and go to jail then get out on parole, clearly that's not a sufficient excuse nor irreversible. You're a convicted felon and won't ever find a decent paying job again.
First of all, my answer was not meant to anger anyone. I know I did really stupid things as a young person.
But it seens to me that stating that I stole something because I was young and stupid, is really not getting to the heart of the misdeed. I stole because I gave in to a bad impulse, or because I wanted something I could not have otherwise. In other words, I did an evil thing for a base reason. Sure, I was young, and no doubt stupid, but I was also committing a criminal act, an act of evil. But I don’t want to deal with my baseness so I claim being young and stupid as the reason.
You know, we can agree to disagree on this.
Yes I think we will be. I don't think it is necessary to judge any of my decisions as "evil". Why is that needed or who does it help as long as I am not still doing it? Normally the things we do are done for a myriad of reasons. I don't judge anything I did as evil.
Yes I think we will be. I don't think it is necessary to judge any of my decisions as "evil". Why is that needed or who does it help as long as I am not still doing it? Normally the things we do are done for a myriad of reasons. I don't judge anything I did as evil.
Judging certain things as evil is basically how civilizations start. If you do not, as a culture, designate some things as wrong, or evil, you cannot hold a society together, because people will always default to their selfish behaviors.
For a merchant who needs to make enough profit to stay in business, a stolen item is a very bad thing.
If you do not like the word evil then substitute the word wrong.
I know in my own heart I have done evil, I have to believe I am not alone in this.
I'm surprised that marriage wasn't mentioned in any posts. I always hear young and dumb when people screw up the biggest decision they make in life.
Yeah, marriage is a big one. It's a decision no one else can make for your or tell you how to do. Many folks have screwed it up, in some instances having irreversible consequences like kids/alimony/child support
Marriage should be like getting a green card. For the first few years, it's a conditional marriage and you can't get all the benefits or you can break away cleanly if it isn't going to work. Then once you've been married for X amount of years and can prove it isn't a joke, you can unlock all the benefits to marriage.
Marriage is an "all or nothing" ultimatum and many folks won't get it right the first time. As already sated, the brain is still developing before 27/28.
Judging certain things as evil is basically how civilizations start. If you do not, as a culture, designate some things as wrong, or evil, you cannot hold a society together, because people will always default to their selfish behaviors.
For a merchant who needs to make enough profit to stay in business, a stolen item is a very bad thing.
If you do not like the word evil then substitute the word wrong.
I know in my own heart I have done evil, I have to believe I am not alone in this.
I’m not going to judge it at all. I don’t do it anymore, why should I continue to give it any headspace? Why do I need to think of it as wrong or bad or evil? How does that help society if I mentally flog myself about an act from 40 years ago?
Low self-esteem contributes to “wrong” behavior. Self-forgiveness and self-approval are foundational building blocks in the path to being a better person, so IMO labeling acts from the past as “bad” or evil only holds you back in your journey to self-improvement.
I'm surprised that marriage wasn't mentioned in any posts. I always hear young and dumb when people screw up the biggest decision they make in life.
Oh, trust me...lol...it's the #1 reason that I trot out the "young and stupid" talk. I had no idea what I was signing up for, when I was 18, and there were a hundred red flags that, in retrospect, were waving in my face, and I was determined to ignore.
But there is another operative word in there besides just young/dumb. Vulnerable. Because I had no credit, no job experience, no life experience, and no family support...I was prime for a guy with horrible relationship (and life) skills to latch onto and take advantage of. I can excuse it with "young and dumb" and forgive myself, only because I have learned to be a lot more careful who I let into my life.
And I think that is the big question...everybody has baggage, but have you learned how to stow it, or are you in the process of creating more? Have you learned to avoid problems, or do you still make poor decisions? For most of us, that wisdom factor kicks in as we live and grow and gain maturity. The ones for whom youth is no excuse, are the ones who seem to live in defiance of life's attempts to teach them stuff, and just keep on making a mess of everything.
I've been told I should have this kind of attitude towardss my past mistakes, but if anything, I've made more mistakes because of denial than I have from not knowing better.
Like, my conscious did not know better, yes, but that was only because my subconscious was making sure that little of the things that were in it would seep into my conscious. Then again, it's true that I didn't know better in one aspect: I didn't know that I didn't have to be fake to be happy, that's the reason I made most of my mistakes, not inherent stupidity.
Last edited by jackierudetsky; 05-03-2018 at 05:42 AM..
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