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Everyone lies whether big or small. So why do people get upset when they're lied to when they themselves have lied before about something, usually to protect themselves no necessarily to hurt the other person.
Everyone lies whether big or small. So why do people get upset when they're lied to when they themselves have lied before about something, usually to protect themselves no necessarily to hurt the other person.
I think it's a couple of things.
1) We choose what we lie about, but we DON'T get to choose what we are lied to about. We get blind-sided.
2) Being lied to triggers brain functions that resemble the survival instinct. It can make you feel the way you would if you were endangered. Not little white lies, like, "No, honey, this dinner tastes great!" but actual betrayals.
That's why people can get SO upset when they find out they've been lied to. They feel seriously threatened.
I don't think it's the lying that really bothers people, but what the lie is about.
If someone is constantly lying about stupid stuff, it's annoying. If someone is constantly lying to cover their butts when they do something wrong, it's annoying. When people lie about cheating, stealing, etc. It's hurtful. But if someone sugar coats something like, instead of telling you what mean things someone else said about you, they'll sugar coat it with; "I just don't think you two would get along" I don't think someone would be too upset about that.
I will say, sometimes brutal honesty can help put things into perspective. But it all depends....
1) We choose what we lie about, but we DON'T get to choose what we are lied to about. We get blind-sided.
2) Being lied to triggers brain functions that resemble the survival instinct. It can make you feel the way you would if you were endangered. Not little white lies, like, "No, honey, this dinner tastes great!" but actual betrayals.
That's why people can get SO upset when they find out they've been lied to. They feel seriously threatened.
I get the first point you made, definitely. But have you ever know a situation where a person may have lied to someone about the same type of thing they have been lied to about and get upset like they haven't been on the other end of being a liar.
I get the first point you made, definitely. But have you ever know a situation where a person may have lied to someone about the same type of thing they have been lied to about and get upset like they haven't been on the other end of being a liar.
IMO there's a big difference between those little lies meant to avoid unnecessary conflict and hurt feelings (e.g. "I can't come to your party because I already have a commitment"), versus lies that are purely self-serving (e.g. "I can heal you with this snake oil!"), or lies about things the other person needs to know for their well-being (e.g. "You're crazy, the pool boy and I are just friends."). Obviously there are some fuzzy lines between categories, but this is just broadly speaking.
The first category, almost everyone does pretty regularly. The latter two, no, I wouldn't say everyone does.
I think what angers most people are sloppy, amateurish liars. They almost drive me to violence. For God's sakes, if you're going to tell a lie be professional about it, let it leave no odor, be so good at it, no one will catch it for months, years or never. And it's an art forum anyone can develop.
When I tell a lie, I'm so good at it, 95% of the time no one will catch it.
My sister is such a lousy liar, or deceiver, that it blows me away that she actually thinks no one will catch it.
And, we must also look at deception and lying. Is there a difference?
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