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Happiness ? Hmmm. .. ask me that after being side swiped or losing my glasses.
I'm happy primarily that I have the skill to turn things around...and if I don't. ..I know where I can hide it
Good point! I rarely, if ever feel hopeless about anything anymore. I think now that I’m older and have been able to recognize the pattern of: Crisis /acknowledgement / plan / action, then just time...I know I’m going to see the other side of things and seem to make it one way or another. This experience in itself brings peace. Peace to me is happiness. I have never in my life, thought so many times, as I have this year: You know what? I really have it made!
No, I can't For me happiness comes and goes. One minute it's there, the next it's gone sometimes leaving good memories. It's a little something extra than what I can expect. A surprise! I love those little moments that really enhance life.
What I've aimed for in my life is creating a sense of confidence that I can manage the difficult times, a belief that I have enough of what I need, gratefulness for everything that is good in my life and learning to be comfortable with creating a sense of peace in myself regardless of what's happening around me.
There isn't an "end result" to this journey as though eventually I'll get to that magic place called "Happiness." It's a lifelong frame of mind and meeting challenges as though they are purposeful.
To me a sense of security, gratitude and peace of mind defines successful living.
I’m not always happy but I’m usually aware and grateful for all that I have had in my life; good health, a loving spouse, loving extended family, some good friends and financial security. In spite of all of these things, I experience occasional sad days but I always
try to remember to be grateful for all that I do have. It can all disappear in a moments notice.
Me too, but that's what drives me crazy. Just about every single day I wake up, I have to TALK myself into these things, this gratefulness. I shouldn't have to. It doesn't make sense. I do realize that I'm really pretty lucky in most things, and have been most of my life, but it's just not inherent in me.
I've never gone to any kind of therapist, never been diagnosed, but it seems obvious I've suffered from, my whole life, depression/bipolar, among other things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
And there are all kinds of different ways to feel happy. It can't all be described by that one word.
There is the happiness of getting enough sleep! Of feeling you accomplished something by the end of the day. Of having a pleasant conversation. Talking a nice walk in nice weather. Cooking something that turns out really good, by chance. Singing. Getting a compliment. Giving a compliment. Finding out you and someone else have something in common. Meditating. Praying. Watching a good ASMR video.
Those are all different feelings, but they all contribute to happiness.
Unhappiness, I guess, would be the opposites of those kinds of things. Not getting enough sleep, etc. Also, a big one for me, is worrying about the future. We have to be responsible and plan sensibly, but that can easily turn into worry, which is a big waste of time.
Yes, sleep is a huge factor, for one. And you're right about accomplishing something. If I'm feeling way down, or exhausted, if I can just make myself accomplish one or two things, even if they're small, that goes a long way to help my outlook. But sometimes I can't make myself.
The worst sleep I get is when I have to go do something that I'm dreading doing. But I try to tell myself, you're making yourself miserable when you're not even there yet. You can enjoy a whole night of good sleep. If you worry about it all night, it's like you're experiencing the unpleasant experience twice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
I agree. We can't prevent all problems and set backs, but we can find ways better ways of solving them, or accepting them if they can't be solved, or whatever.
For example, I am dealing with grief for the past year. I could have let it overwhelm me but so far it didn't. I just kept on doing the things I like -- actually, have done them a lot more than usual. And if I feel sad I just accept the feeling as perfectly normal and natural.
During one particularly horrible time of my life a few years ago, I would drive almost every day to go visit my brother who was basically slowly dying in front of us. After about the second year, I could barely make myself get out of bed to go visit him. It would literally take me about an hour after waking up to get up and face the same ordeal of seeing his misery, fighting to get his basic needs met by whichever facility he happened to be placed at the time, and watching my mom's anguish.
It sounds so stupid, but while driving over, I eventually ended up blasting this one song which was basically extolling some basic sensual pleasures like eating, drinking, relaxing on the beach, all of which I'm up for. I would sing along to it at the top of my lungs. I felt guilty for it, I felt guilty for being healthy, I felt guilty for being able to drive around and still have a life, I felt guilty for the pleasure and release I felt from playing this SONG, but I also knew that I absolutely needed it, I needed forms of escape or I wouldn't make it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
Answering would be fairly meaningless for the reasons already given.
Feeling happy right now. I was just dogsitting for neighbors. They got home a little while ago. I might be happy because:
1. Their dog is happy that they are home again. Nice dog. Deserves it.
2. I don't have to schlep through the pouring rain to their house again.
3. My wood stove is burning, house is warm and dry, rain is outside.
4. I had my favorite soup for lunch. It's healthy but tasty; no guilt.
5. All of the above.
Oh, wait. What does "happy" mean again?
Seriously, those little moments are the best. Accomplishing big things like earning a degree, getting a big promotion, getting married, having babies, those are obviously something to celebrate in a big way. But little things in everyday life, it keeps us going. (Your post made me feel so cozy just by reading it. )
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good4Nothin
One thing we forgot so far -- the happiness you get from laughing. And what makes us laugh is a very complicated and confusing subject. We don't laugh at things because they are nice or good. We laugh at things that are for some reason ridiculous. When we are laughing together with other people, it makes us feel close because we are finding the same thing ridiculous.
I LIVE for laughing. I truly feel sorry for people that don't get humor, or irony, or sarcasm, or whatever it is that makes you laugh. I really don't think I could survive without it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Ive felt like **** inside for my whole life. To me life has always been something to endure, sort of how can we get through this with the least amount of pain....
It has been that way in some form or another and in varying degrees for my whole life. I've always felt like this nightmare was similar to like being a paid goon for the mafia, that it was all going to catch up to me to me at some point to really put me in my place and do it well.
I've actually been lucky in life. I've done well, I've been liked well enough. Women have always liked me....... I'm a well liked guy. I don't know why. I feel like in some.ways I've had the most easy life. This further pushes me into thinking I'm a douchbag. I was considered good looking when I was younger and in some ways that can add to making life easier.
I don't know...... I'm turning 50 this year and in some ways I'm owning my crap and feeling a bit better.
I still sometimes feel life is something that I have to endure........ but as they say life is a journey, not a destination.
Lol, god I hate those cliches........
It's one of the reasons I decided not to have kids. Both my grandma and mom suffered similar issues that I have, and I just couldn't bring myself to put that on another being, even though I had no way of knowing if they would end up dealing with feeling the same way.
I know. It's not even depression per se. I don't like myself or the world. No pill or talks with therapists will help or have ever helped
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