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My uncle just had his head down (no tears though) and kept trying to comfort his wife (my aunt).
That sounds ominous enough. He may have never properly mourned his children.
But, OP, I'll repeat what I read once in an article about a woman who attempted suicide after her very young daughter died of cancer. She had two other children, sons, and a husband.
She failed at her attempt and was hospitalized for a long time. She said, "People said I was selfish and that I should have thought about my other children and my husband. NOW that I am feeling better, I can see how someone could think that, but at the time, I was not capable of even forming such a thought. All I could think of was that I had to end the pain.
In other words, you and other family members are sitting there in full control of your faculties asking why he didn't get help or whether he was selfish, but you have to understand that he was simply not capable of having the thoughts you are having.
It is just a sad, sad situation. I am sorry this happened in your family.
No, it wasn't cowardice. He was just full of pain and couldn't bear it any longer.
I agree. This doesn't sound like the act of a cowardly person. He sounds like a person who kept themselves under a pretty tight wrap emotionally. Doesn't mean he didn't feel things deeply, just that he controlled any demonstration of it. There could have been something that broke the camel's back during the year after that horrible event. It could have been a relatively small thing, but it was just enough to break the dam. And, because he had this longstanding habit of not showing his pain, not trusting anyone enough to share it, and not allowing himself or even knowing how to ask for help, when he fell apart he saw no recourse or solution other than to stop everything.
Cowardice is defined as "lack of courage or firmness of purpose". Context matters so much. Doesn't fit with the description of this person. Ironically, sort of the opposite. He dealt with tragedy for a year after the accident (or at least did so outwardly). Something else may have made up his mind to act.
Last edited by Parnassia; 06-23-2019 at 02:41 PM..
I think the reason I'm going a bit harsh is because I've never understood the point of not wanting to live anymore, taking your most precious thing away...your life. I've gotten stressed out, sad, depressed but never got to that point of pulling the trigger.
Then stop pinning the problem on him and deal with your own problem.
No, it wasn't cowardice. He was just full of pain and couldn't bear it any longer.
This. His pain was unbearable.
People who go through tragedy can bottle up their emotions, possibly because letting go has never been modeled for them. It would have been better if he had sought counseling or therapy. But even then, sometimes people can find no relief for their terrible psychological pain.
Of course his suicide itself caused immeasurable pain. Terrible, terrible irony.
I think it would be much harder to go on if you lost all your children. Some people lost entire families in the holocaust and went on. Who are we to say what anyone should be able to endure? Be compassionate and don’t judge.
I think the reason I'm going a bit harsh is because I've never understood the point of not wanting to live anymore, taking your most precious thing away...your life. I've gotten stressed out, sad, depressed but never got to that point of pulling the trigger.
Count your blessings then. I hope you will continue to never have reasons to feel so much despair that you get to that point.
No, I don't think he was being selfish or a coward. He was just in so much pain and despair that he couldn't live with life anymore and had to end it. Ending one's own life by their own hand is the most difficult and very last act of courage that a desperate person can do.
My condolences for you and your family's tragedies.
I think the reason I'm going a bit harsh is because I've never understood the point of not wanting to live anymore, taking your most precious thing away...your life. I've gotten stressed out, sad, depressed but never got to that point of pulling the trigger.
I am thinking he thought his most precious thing was already taken away... his children.
OP, I am sorry and I think there are a lot of good responses here to help you.
Suicide is often the final result of untreated mental illness/depression.
I agree.
It is what it is. Accept it and move on. We can't control other people. Only ourselves.
I hope you and his other survivors find healing and peace. Through your anger I sense pain and love. Focus on the love. For your and your family's sake.
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