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It does seem as if more people are beginning to understand this. If a person succumbs to an illness of the body - cancer, say - we wouldn't judge them. But if a person succumbs to an illness of the mind...
Yet it really isn't that different. I've lost close family to suicide, and had mental illness up close. I knew them on their good days, where their illness was in the background and the person they actually were was in control. Also saw them on the days where the world was pain for them. As far as I'm concerned, we lost one to illness. And I mourn him like I would had he died from a heart attack. Simple as that.
Maybe he was mentally ill. Maybe no one would talk to him to help him sort out his issues.
Cowardice and bravery are bizarre definitions. I am not sure where bravery falls off and becomes stupidity. or where cowardice falls off and becomes common sense, mental illness.
What I do know is that it is not really my place to judge other people. I would be sad my uncle was gone, but I would not try to judge his action. there is no way I could never know what was going on in his head. What his motives were. Whether he was controlled by mental illness, chemical depression, overcome by guilt about something he did.
I had an uncle commit suicide. I never thought about whether that made him good or bad and it never occurred to me to be angry at him. I was just sad he was gone. Then I was happy when 25 years later I got to meet his son.
Never judge anyone for suicide. You only know your perception, not their reality.
No. It's doubtful you even know their perception even if you've spent hours or days with them in deep conversation you've only been told what they want you to know.
There's another force that could have been at work here, one that I'm surprised no one has yet hit on. Despite what reality, sanity, knowledge and education may tell us the overwhelming sense of failure, guilt and responsibility could have been a factor. It doesn't matter if he was five feet from his kids or five hundred miles away a parent will always second guess what they did wrong for such a thing to happen. Parents are supposed to protect their families, even if it's impossible.
There are also those who truly believe, against all odds that there is some kind of afterlife where they will be reunited with those closest to them. We don't know anything about this man or his beliefs or what type of help he received and we don't know if those trying to help did more harm than good. But no, cowardice is not what I see.
From how I've known my uncle, he was the son my grandparents were very proud of. There was no sign of depression he had prior to the tragedy, none that we know of.
Prior to his suicide:
My aunt admitted that a week after the tragedy, he would write on a journal (something he never did before), sitting all alone. Apparently there might have been a few signs that we missed such as him being more distant and silent sometimes, sleeping on the couch or spending more time writing. Then there was one day, in which he woke up at dawn (waking my aunt up), screaming; he was having another nightmare.
She got curious one day and took a peek on a couple of the pages. The journal was mainly a full description of how he'll always blame himself for not being there to protect them, will never forgive himself, his constant nightmares that wake him up late at night. Then one of the pages seemed kind of soaked but still readable, as if he had been crying.
Instead of judging him, it might be best to grieve for him. Anger, is of course, one stage of grief.
My heart goes out to his wife, the mother of the two children.
How she manages to go on I'll never know.
Yeah this is quite the irony. When the tragedy happened, she was totally chocking in tears, nonstoppable and saying things like ''please god, take me, take me'' over and over. Yet, she turned out to be stronger than him in the end. I always used to think he was unbreakable but he was just a human that couldn't take it anymore. In a way this reminds me of how the Titanic was once thought to be strong and unsinkable yet it sank and got destroyed.
To a couple that stated maybe it's because I don't have kids, it's correct. I have no kids yet. I'm just a college student at this moment. It was silly of me to compare losing two children to mild depression/stress. All I can say is it wasn't his fault that he wasn't there to save them. He couldn't have done nothing. I miss him. We all do.
Loosing a child, let alone two is devastating. It can suck the life and will to live out of you. Honestly, if I ever lose my kids I don't know how I'd go on. What's there to live for? Having a child is precious. You brought this person into this world and now they are gone before you?
I'm not sure how true the OP's story is, as there are a lot of BS'ers coming in here looking for attention or to get people emotionally charged for some reason or another. But, suicide is a decision made by people who are in a lot of pain (physical and emotional) and just want it to end.
I am thinking he thought his most precious thing was already taken away... his children.
OP, I am sorry and I think there are a lot of good responses here to help you.
This.
My mother died very unexpectedly not too long ago, and that was a huge hit to me. There have been a lot of days where the only thing keeping me going is my child. If she were taken away from me, there isn't much left that life can offer me and I would probably seriously consider suicide, because losing a child isn't something you're ever going to get over.
Understandable but that's what there are counselors, therapists and psychologists for. He could have sought help. We would have also been there to support, help him.
The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to outlive a child. Your uncle lost both children at once.
Not sure what you mean by "we would have also been there to support, help him". Sounds guilt on your part for not being more involved after the fact.
You can't "undo" what has happened. Direct your energy to your aunt, she needs the support.
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