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I'm 39, and going through a divorce. I love my son, and he loves me. I have good friends that I grew up with and I still call but, I see them less and less.
My wife is bipolar but refuses to work through it and blames everybody else for everything but, for as much as we fought, I have fits where I ask "is it me?" Granted she would have been this way if I never met her but, sometimes I feel like this is it.
I go back and forth between guilt and anger (doesn't get in the way of my job or telling my son Inlove him and hugging him).
I don't know if basically an out of shape, divorcing dad, with no degree will find a woman, and I don't just mean in the physical sense. Life is getting scarier and I want someone in my corner... is this what loneliness feels like?
Why do you feel guilty?
have you done something to your wife or someone before and not apologized for it that has left you fighting with guilt? Have you betrayed yourself in some way because you thought you were a "good" person and that action was bad?
None of the characteristics you said will make someone not like you.
Not to mention out of shape is something you can change easily.
Your "problem" is lack of self-confidence. But in order to gain self-confidence you have to realize that you have somewhere deep in you hidden a truth that you don't like. What's the biggest secret that you will take to your grave? Think about it, stop blaming yourself and accept that our previous thoughts or previous actions don't define our future. WE define who we are. Accept who you are.
As long as you want to change, you can change - but first you have to accept who you are. Don't judge yourself. People make mistakes and it's ok as long as we try not to repeat them.
People who say "I love being single" once or twice are just being normal. Anyone who says it constantly (or anything else constantly) are saying something else and asking for other people to pay attention to them and ask questions.
And MrThisTown123: random females standing next to you are telling you they don't want your attention when they give monosyllabic answers. We know from past experience that engaging in conversation gives many men the wrong idea, that you are available to talk and then more. This is not Mayberry 1954. Even making eye contact with some men encourages them. I am a friendly married woman and have had to stop being friendly in public places for just this reason. I keep hoping as I get older I can be friendly again when out alone but at 64 nothing has changed. I can talk to women but not men without them getting the idea I'm hitting on them.
I know that some women really do like talking to men when it's a safe environment. My DH and I were in business together for many years and women were our main customers. One of our first jobs with new customers was to explain our pricing so that people knew that up front and we didn't waste each others time and avoid cancellations later.
We had to remove DH from this appointment session because female customers were so happy to have him (a man) listen to them and ask them questions that they would not hear the cost and later cancel the job when they finally heard the price. He is a great spouse, listens to me (most of the time ha).
Women need to be careful talking to strange men in public. Stop finding fault with them for being safe. Same is true online, no one knows anything about random people posting stuff. Would you want your mother talking to men she doesn't know? Your daughter? The world is not safe for females in many ways and you get mad at someone in a coffee line for not talking to you?
People who say "I love being single" once or twice are just being normal. Anyone who says it constantly (or anything else constantly) are saying something else and asking for other people to pay attention to them and ask questions.
And MrThisTown123: random females standing next to you are telling you they don't want your attention when they give monosyllabic answers. We know from past experience that engaging in conversation gives many men the wrong idea, that you are available to talk and then more. This is not Mayberry 1954. Even making eye contact with some men encourages them. I am a friendly married woman and have had to stop being friendly in public places for just this reason. I keep hoping as I get older I can be friendly again when out alone but at 64 nothing has changed. I can talk to women but not men without them getting the idea I'm hitting on them.
Exactly, this is why I gave up on doing that so long ago. Heck, I even just said "Hi" when I just accidentally made eye contact with a woman behind me, so instead of saying "Hi" back, she just averted her eyes. What did is just habitual, with any man or woman. If it' s "Not hi" it's just a brief smile.
My parents met when my dad approached my mom on the beach. OF course, they were parked next to each other...but in 2019, it's unfortunately THAT isn't even a reason to strike up a convo with a woman.
This is where Meetups come in handy, because people are actually there with the intention of making new friendships, possibly more depending on the gist of the group. But even then, there can be personality types that kind of skirt these groups, but never go ALL IN with them.
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I know that some women really do like talking to men when it's a safe environment. My DH and I were in business together for many years and women were our main customers. One of our first jobs with new customers was to explain our pricing so that people knew that up front and we didn't waste each others time and avoid cancellations later.
We had to remove DH from this appointment session because female customers were so happy to have him (a man) listen to them and ask them questions that they would not hear the cost and later cancel the job when they finally heard the price. He is a great spouse, listens to me (most of the time ha).
Cool...what is a DH though? I keep seeing this in reference to a spouse. I thought it was "Divorced Husband" lol
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Women need to be careful talking to strange men in public. Stop finding fault with them for being safe.
I am not finding fault with that. I was just making an example to support what I said. In a sense, these ladies are finding fault for men trying to talk to them. So it's more about that than the former. Safety is just a portion of it, but a good majority of women are like "Ugh, can't I go ANYWHERE without a man trying to talk to me?"
So it's more of an annoyance issue for some, than a safety issue.
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Same is true online, no one knows anything about random people posting stuff. Would you want your mother talking to men she doesn't know? Your daughter?
Nice attempt at a straw man argument (or red herring?), but I do have very little concern about who my daughters are talking to. Strangers or not. Sometimes even friends can be dangerous. Can't stay in a closet your whole life.
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The world is not safe for females in many ways and you get mad at someone in a coffee line for not talking to you?
Not sure what made you think I was mad, I was just making an example of how women don't care to be approached in public. That's it.
I only read the topic title...and laughed....I am now single, it took me a couple
years to get used it.
But, now, My God....is it wonderful....I never want to be in another relationship.
I'm FREE! Over 13 yrs now.
The list I could make of the happiness!....
I understand that perspective. But it also makes me sad.
And I wonder how much of the feeling of not-safe comes from within us, as women. I was just as trained as any woman to be agreeable, to make other people happy and be kind and so on. I've struggled with boundaries in my life. But I've been working on it, which I have to in order to occupy the leadership position I am in with my club where I volunteer and my social group. I've had to learn how to be more comfortable saying no, risking making someone else uncomfortable, and learning that they can handle their discomfort, it isn't mine to manage.
The mere act of having to place a boundary, point at it, and show it to a man, "Here, this is a boundary. Stop right here." Just even having to DO that...even if they did not react badly to it...used to make me feel tensed to respond to a threat. It's taken so many years to realize that the threat often does not exist. But you know what's cool? It's really given me more faith in humanity, more belief that men are not usually bad people, or users. When it comes right down to it, most men are not going to force themselves on someone who is clearly unwilling. But I think many women have struggles in clearly expressing if we are willing or unwilling. Creating confusion, where confusion does not need to be.
Now I'm not victim blaming when I say this, what I mean is that the work that it takes to improve social relations between the genders is work that both men and women (to say nothing of the many shades in between) can undertake.
"No one knows anything about random people posting stuff." For instance. I disagree. I have a pretty good sense for when someone is genuine, when someone is full of crap, and when they are in a grey area where I truly don't know. I could name you half a dozen men from this very site that I'm confident they've been fairly authentic here, and I'd meet with them for coffee and conversation with no hesitation, and not fear they'd push me for anything I didn't want to give. And I speak more of my truth here than I can to a lot of the people I see every day in person.
But for what it's worth I'm not sure if I'd want to hang out with ThisTown123 or not, despite having many good conversations on and off the forums...just because I feel I'd become this case study of "why would she be willing to meet me, why would she leave her house, if she isn't willing to date me??" lol. (I'm...kind of...halfway joking?) Actually no, if I were traveling to his area for another reason, I'd invite him to meet and talk, but only if a platonic and friendly meet-and-talk thing was appealing to him. I'd be up front about what I'm offering and what I'm not. And THAT is what I think women could work to be a little more good at. And men could work to pick up on and accept more readily.
I mean, if I can talk about the most intimate of subjects (and I do!) with people, yet manage to not convey that I'm offering them sex... It can be done, I think.
Good point on Facebook. It has no influence over me, but yeah, I don't like social media at all, including twitter and instagram. Snapchat? I mean, what the hell? Now we have 40 year old women pretending to be teenagers on snapchat. No thanks.
You should go on instagram. I made a ton of new friends and acquaintances through that. I used to hang out at a motorcycle place and no one talked to me. I walked up to people, talked to them and they just stared at me or walked away. Then I went on Instagram, posted a few pictures, and tagged that place.
Suddenly all those same people started liking my stuff and we got to chat a bit. Now I go there regularly and know about 40 people and I am welcomed like an old friend.
Anytime people shout something like that from the parapets I chuckle.
Although, to be fair, it may well be a "preventative-strike" to keep Aunt Maude from reminding her that her biological clock is ticking at Fathers Day brunch.
You should go on instagram. I made a ton of new friends and acquaintances through that. I used to hang out at a motorcycle place and no one talked to me. I walked up to people, talked to them and they just stared at me or walked away. Then I went on Instagram, posted a few pictures, and tagged that place.
Suddenly all those same people started liking my stuff and we got to chat a bit. Now I go there regularly and know about 40 people and I am welcomed like an old friend.
Interesting. Thats the first real success story I've heard about Instagram other than social media types (who do it as their full time job) monetizing it somehow for free travel and hotel stays.
I have a few single women in my Facebook feed that would sometimes shout from the roof tops how they are okay with being single these days.....
I think a person that's actually happy being single....won't make it public like some do. IE social media.
I getcha. And I am convinced that people who burble and gurgle about how deliriously happy their marriage is all the time, are totally miserable and desperately trying to convince themselves and the world that they are not. I mean, puhleeeeeeeeeze, if these folks really were in bliss why would they always be braying about it?
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....I am now single, it took me a couple
