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I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you. But you stated like it is everyone else's fault without acknowledging that your attitude may be an additional reason why you have such a hard time.
You are attractive, you have a house and job to offer but you are not mentally healthy. That makes it really hard to attract (decent) people.
You don't know me, so to assume that is quite a stretch.
I think that in some cases, in order to have more choice, we have to accept that many will make choices we don’t always agree with and as a result a whole idea of something has to change. Women not losing their livelihood in a divorce is a wonderful thing, but we accept that it comes with a price that divorces will be more frequent than if they don’t have a choice.
yep, that's about right. Society has changed forever and that's the new culture. More choices over your own life but it comes with challenges.
That's cool, but that was something I did in the 1990s, via IRC chatrooms. Not something that would appeal to me by these means.
I remember there'd be this "Name of state" IRC chatroom. We'd hang there on Fri or Sat evenings, yep, not go out to meet people out in the real world. Then one day someone would decide to meet somewhere at a venue. This didn't happen too often though. About 90% of them smoked though. Bleh.
Erm. So because it's not the old tech, which you are saying didn't work out for you anyhow, you're shooting it down as a thing. Well it works for some of us. My GWAR fan community, I started interacting with them online I think in like 2004 or 2005. Thereabouts. First it was a "guest book" on a bandmember's website, and then a forum on a fan site, then there was Myspace, and the first group run by an older lady (from Florida!) and then the migration from Myspace to Facebook, where I still have groups with many of the same people I've known for all these years. And as soon as I was able to start going to events (my kids were old enough to be left with a family member and money was better) I began to meet these folks in person. Including people from New Zealand, Germany, Wales, Argentina...who traveled to the U.S. for various events and such.
What's interesting to me is, anchored by a common passion and common experiences, I can go a while without talking to some of these folks and then one day one of us will reach out, and we pick up like no time has passed at all. We talk more and feel more connected than some of the friends who were my "best" friends where I lived at times, but then I'd move, and we'd just drift in different directions. Now we never talk, and they won't even return a phone call. I've given up, so much for "best friends." Happened with several people over the years. But my GWAR buddies, and now my other community...those people are there, still in my world. I've got a hundred great stories about the awesome times we've had.
But it's not meeting people for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner. I really feel like once you put that objective in the forefront, where you can't just go have a good time, and feel all bummed out if you head back home alone...once that is your focus...somehow it ramps up the difficulty. I dunno why.
yes, you are right. I was just explaining my view of the WHY it is so tough with finding a partner.
After doing some reflecting, things like you mentioned make me grateful that I have remained single as long as I have. It makes this climate we're currently in easy to adapt to, at least for me anyway. Being sensitive and dealing with wishy washy people is no fun. It's mentally exhausting. It also helps to try to purge the idea, that a relationship is the ideal way to live life. I get that may be hard for some people who are used to dating and being in LTRs. I think some expectations and standards society has indirectly set are part of the problem as well. Because reality doesn't always bend to our will. Especially when it comes to finding partners.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
But it's not meeting people for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner. I really feel like once you put that objective in the forefront, where you can't just go have a good time, and feel all bummed out if you head back home alone...once that is your focus...somehow it ramps up the difficulty. I dunno why.
Like I was just saying to eve, the expectation of finding and having a partner can be very damaging. I think people back in the day weren't exactly so focused on finding a partner, as much as they were focused on just talking to people in general. Considering that's how most relationships start, from simple conversation and socializing.
Well men aren’t that way by nature. I have learned to be independent. I gave birth to my oldest. My ex husband went on a ski trip the same day I came home with a newborn. We ended up getting a snowstorm that weekend. I was left home to take care of a newborn, tons of animals and needing to plow.
Similar issue happened with my sons father. The neighbors could believe I was shoveling snows, just days after giving birth. Well I didn’t see any of them doing it either. Women just find this inner strength to take care of everything.
I have a coworker that has the knight in shining armor syndrome right now. 32 year old single mom, living with her mother, waiting for a man to rescue her. I told her today, the sooner she gets rid of the idea she needs to be rescued, the sooner she can make things happen for herself and son. She looked at me like I was crazy. I say she has another good decade of learning this lesson the hard way.
Howdy LowonLuck,
It doesn't appear your exes were much of a man. Not all men are like that.
I was there with my beloved wife during her labor & birth of our beloved children. The doctor helped me a little. We went together to Lamaze classes (breathing, relaxation, massage classes). I was her coach.
I love my wife & children very much. (my wife passed from brain cancer).
Well, in the future before you insult me publicly, send me a dm or something. Its really rude.
Calling you "not mentally healthy" is not an insult.
If you sneeze cause you have a cold and someone tells you that you have a cold, will you be insulted? Only if you think having a cold is bad.
it's the same.
Being psychologically unstable is normal. Every person in the world has something that stresses them and we try to find balance.
What is more interesting is your reaction to a neutral comment.
If you are afraid of your mental health I have good news. Don't be afraid. You are most certainly a normal human being with sad and happy experiences. If you feel like you can't control certain behaviors, like criticizing others for example, you can go to a friend or if that doesnt work for you, a therapist and ask for help. Talking about your problems with people who you feel safe with is good. But you need to be really honest and patient while describing your problem. Other people are just giving advice. They are not criticizing you. Or even if they do, show some understanding. You are just asking for their opinion and they say it. They are trying to help.
Women are in the same boat with not being able to find anyone of quality.
I blame social media and online dating for it. People nowadays have no patience to make it work, if something is not 100% they are out and off to the next because they think they have a bazillion options. A lot of people are delusional in what they have to offer and think only Ms/Mr America is good enough for them.. A lot of people work too much, have too many hobbies and no time to invest in a relationship.
No more tolerance, sticking it out, trying, waiting, courtship - all that is the past. Either it fits like a shoe or people are out. If you send one text that someone may misunderstand - you are out. If you don't laugh at one of his jokes, on to the next, because the internet is full with people who are just waiting for you - or so they think.
Also, people are more independent, they don't need anyone anymore. Men and women used to need each other. No more. So it is more optional which means alot of people opt out.
Then there are so many unacceptable choices (not sure if it is maybe age related) and the few good choices know they are rare and think they can get away with anything and make me jump through hoops.
HAHAHAH, you've described me in a nutshell. I have zero patience nowadays. If I feel a woman is playing any kind of game, I'm done. Easier to go to Mexico and pay for pretty escorts
I do think courtship is overrated nowadays. If you're into me, just let me know before date number 5 and I've spent all my damm money. Maybe if I lived in a small town, or fat, broke, or considered below average in looks I would be more desperate and take the first woman who was interested.
I do think courtship is overrated nowadays. If you're into me, just let me know before date number 5 and I've spent all my damm money.
You don’t have much money if you’ve spent it all by date 5. You don’t need to wait for her to tell you; I think after five dates, you should be able to reasonably assess the (potential for a) relationship for yourself.
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We went together to Lamaze classes (breathing, relaxation, massage classes). I was her coach.
