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Women are in the same boat with not being able to find anyone of quality.
I blame social media and online dating for it. People nowadays have no patience to make it work, if something is not 100% they are out and off to the next because they think they have a bazillion options. A lot of people are delusional in what they have to offer and think only Ms/Mr America is good enough for them.. A lot of people work too much, have too many hobbies and no time to invest in a relationship.
No more tolerance, sticking it out, trying, waiting, courtship - all that is the past. Either it fits like a shoe or people are out. If you send one text that someone may misunderstand - you are out. If you don't laugh at one of his jokes, on to the next, because the internet is full with people who are just waiting for you - or so they think.
Also, people are more independent, they don't need anyone anymore. Men and women used to need each other. No more. So it is more optional which means alot of people opt out.
Then there are so many unacceptable choices (not sure if it is maybe age related) and the few good choices know they are rare and think they can get away with anything and make me jump through hoops.
Agree 1000%! I couldn't have said it better, especially the bolded.
Have you done anything to work on your anxiety over approaching? That has to be holding you back considerably.
Umm, what's there to do other than subject myself to possible rejection and program myself to not take it personally/have no attachment to outcome? I mean, seriously, there are so few opportunities here. It would be different if I lived in a major city, and way more incentive for trying to overcome the anxiety/getting stuck in my head/shyness. I am working on that some now with a coach, but no cold approaches for me. Besides, these days its hard to tell if any woman is open to being approached. Everyone is on guard or on their phone and not paying attention.
I know most women here don't like to hear it but back in the day women had their role and men had theirs.
If a man wanted a nice meal when he comes home and a clean house, he had to have a wife/gf.
When a woman wanted to have children and stay home or have stuff fixed, she had to have a man.
Men now just go out and eat. Most men I know don't even prefer a home cooked meal over restaurant food and maybe get a cleaning lady.
Women are able to raise children without men, and earn enough to pay people to fix all their stuff. They don't want to cook and clean for anyone anymore and why should they? They work just as much.
Sex .. you just swipe left and set up a quick meet.
That's good. But it also means that relationships or marriages aren't needed anymore to have a full filled life.
Have you done anything to work on your anxiety over approaching? That has to be holding you back considerably.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Umm, what's there to do other than subject myself to possible rejection and program myself to not take it personally/have no attachment to outcome? I mean, seriously, there are so few opportunities here. It would be different if I lived in a major city, and way more incentive for trying to overcome the anxiety/getting stuck in my head/shyness. I am working on that some now with a coach, but no cold approaches for me. Besides, these days its hard to tell if any woman is open to being approached. Everyone is on guard or on their phone and not paying attention.
Because most women would not approach a guy with a ten foot pole if he is depressed and negative and just complains all day long. They can feel it and see it in your face and stay away.
Even in the exercise forum here on CD you tell everyone how depressed you are.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Women are in the same boat with not being able to find anyone of quality.
I blame social media and online dating for it. People nowadays have no patience to make it work, if something is not 100% they are out and off to the next because they think they have a bazillion options. A lot of people are delusional in what they have to offer and think only Ms/Mr America is good enough for them.. A lot of people work too much, have too many hobbies and no time to invest in a relationship.
No more tolerance, sticking it out, trying, waiting, courtship - all that is the past. Either it fits like a shoe or people are out. If you send one text that someone may misunderstand - you are out. If you don't laugh at one of his jokes, on to the next, because the internet is full with people who are just waiting for you - or so they think.
Also, people are more independent, they don't need anyone anymore. Men and women used to need each other. No more. So it is more optional which means alot of people opt out.
Then there are so many unacceptable choices (not sure if it is maybe age related) and the few good choices know they are rare and think they can get away with anything and make me jump through hoops.
Not that your whole post doesn’t have a point but I personally think the bolded is a good thing. You can operate from a standpoint of wanting someone instead of needing someone so you don’t just settle for the first one who says I like you.
To your last sentence, life isn’t much different. The more irreplaceable you are the more people will tolerate from you. Why would dating be any different?
Not that your whole post doesn’t have a point but I personally think the bolded is a good thing. You can operate from a standpoint of wanting someone instead of needing someone so you don’t just settle for the first one who says I like you.
To your last sentence, life isn’t much different. The more irreplaceable you are the more people will tolerate from you. Why would dating be any different?
yes, you are right. I was just explaining my view of the WHY it is so tough with finding a partner.
Because most women would not approach a guy with a ten foot pole if he is depressed and negative and just complains all day long. They can feel it and see it in your face and stay away.
Even in the exercise forum here on CD you tell everyone how depressed you are.
There really is no need for you to attack me. Very sh*tty, insensitive thing to do.
There really is no need for you to attack me. Very sh*tty, insensitive thing to do.
I am sorry. I did not mean to offend you. But you stated like it is everyone else's fault without acknowledging that your attitude may be an additional reason why you have such a hard time.
You are attractive, you have a house and job to offer but you are not mentally healthy. That makes it really hard to attract (decent) people.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,727,010 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I know most women here don't like to hear it but back in the day women had their role and men had theirs.
If a man wanted a nice meal when he comes home and a clean house, he had to have a wife/gf.
When a woman wanted to have children and stay home or have stuff fixed, she had to have a man.
Men now just go out and eat. Most men I know don't even prefer a home cooked meal over restaurant food and maybe get a cleaning lady.
Women are able to raise children without men, and earn enough to pay people to fix all their stuff. They don't want to cook and clean for anyone anymore and why should they? They work just as much.
Sex .. you just swipe left and set up a quick meet.
That's good. But it also means that relationships or marriages aren't needed anymore to have a full filled life.
I think that in some cases, in order to have more choice, we have to accept that many will make choices we don’t always agree with and as a result a whole idea of something has to change. Women not losing their livelihood in a divorce is a wonderful thing, but we accept that it comes with a price that divorces will be more frequent than if they don’t have a choice.
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