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Meh, doesn't matter...if it was even a first and only attempt....I was just proving a point with the example I made about how people aren't much for being approached in my area. It's like, if they don't know you, they aren't open to making NEW friends and they don't care to know you.
Well, that person wasn't much for being approached cold, anyway. And social norms regarding chitchat, small talk, engaging strangers, etc. does indeed vary according the the given culture of a place.
I'm pretty open to it, in general (unless somebody's being an obvious creep, and even then, I'll probably give the benefit of the doubt for a few back-and-forths), because small talk is a social norm in my upbringing, and, at least among people who are part of the local culture, others are quite accustomed to that norm. Even so, there are bound to be times when I'm busy, distracted, not in the mood, etc., where I'm more inward and not as likely to engage. Being able to read the room is important.
I know I'm out of my preferred element when I'm somewhere where open, polite small talk with others is not the norm. But I also know not to expect it, and you won't see me attempting to engage random others in casual pleasantries and banter if my observation skills tell me that it's not welcome or appreciated. I am actually a friendly person, but I tend VERY much to hang back in new situations until I get a read on how open others are to being approached, or, more often, take the cue if they extend themselves first.
I getcha. And I am convinced that people who burble and gurgle about how deliriously happy their marriage is all the time, are totally miserable and desperately trying to convince themselves and the world that they are not. I mean, puhleeeeeeeeeze, if these folks really were in bliss why would they always be braying about it?
I can tell you why I "bray" about my happiness. Because I spent too many years of my life UNHAPPY and I wish I'd known then, a whole lot of the things I know now. Because a big part of my ability to be in a happy relationship these days is down to things I've learned. Sometimes I like to share what information I can in the hopes that I can plant ideas, maybe people will give some thought to what their happiness could and should look like, and find their path to it sooner than I did, or with less suffering along the way.
Also, there is most def a thing of feeling so damned bursting with joy that you wanna "shout it from the rooftops." I mean, one only needs to look at how many movies, musicals, plays, poems, stories, songs, and so on have been created because someone was so happy they wanted to share that feeling creatively with the whole wide world... Only a cynic looks upon that and says, "You must truly be miserable."
Also, various personality types are naturally effusive vs. reserved, and people also have different communication styles. Some are more inclined to show their feelings, some verbalize. There isn't any reason to doubt that those who are quite verbal are fronting, simply because that's how they communicate.
You should go on instagram. I made a ton of new friends and acquaintances through that. I used to hang out at a motorcycle place and no one talked to me. I walked up to people, talked to them and they just stared at me or walked away. Then I went on Instagram, posted a few pictures, and tagged that place.
Suddenly all those same people started liking my stuff and we got to chat a bit. Now I go there regularly and know about 40 people and I am welcomed like an old friend.
Yeah,but have you taken it from online to an in person meet up?
Yeah,but have you taken it from online to an in person meet up?
???
The post you quoted explained that this "motorcycle place" is an in person venue. They stared at her. She talks of her experiences going there without having contacted anyone online first, and then going back after having talked to some of them on Instagram. And now they are more friendly.
I actually second this (social media-to-real life friendship) because I made tons of friends in the fan community of a band, and then I'd plan to see a concert and drop in the group on Facebook that I planned to go to this or that show, and several people would be going and we'd meet up. Sometimes I'd even travel to meet up with people I knew online at shows. I've got hundreds of acquaintances and dozens of good friends that way, some of whom I knew online for years before we met in person. But I never dated any of them, though.
The post you quoted explained that this "motorcycle place" is an in person venue. They stared at her. She talks of her experiences going there without having contacted anyone online first, and then going back after having talked to some of them on Instagram. And now they are more friendly.
I actually second this (social media-to-real life friendship) because I made tons of friends in the fan community of a band, and then I'd plan to see a concert and drop in the group on Facebook that I planned to go to this or that show, and several people would be going and we'd meet up. Sometimes I'd even travel to meet up with people I knew online at shows. I've got hundreds of acquaintances and dozens of good friends that way, some of whom I knew online for years before we met in person. But I never dated any of them, though.
That's cool, but that was something I did in the 1990s, via IRC chatrooms. Not something that would appeal to me by these means.
I remember there'd be this "Name of state" IRC chatroom. We'd hang there on Fri or Sat evenings, yep, not go out to meet people out in the real world. Then one day someone would decide to meet somewhere at a venue. This didn't happen too often though. About 90% of them smoked though. Bleh.
I’d like to know by who’s standards are these happy singles ... not happy? And what the criteria for “happiness” is. I know plenty of men and women who are in relationships that are miserable. Sounds like some feel that the gold standard for happiness is being in a committed relationship.
Being single doesn’t mean that one is alone or shunning the opposite sex. When I say that I don’t need a man.. it’s not a commentary on men or how I feel about them... more that I can take care of myself. I like men and get along very well with them. I just don’t need one to navigate my life successfully. I just didn’t want one of my very own. For me, getting involved in a committed relationship was always pretty far down my list of priorities. So so I want to be single forever? No, but for now I am single ( no husband or boyfriend) and quite happy with my status. Now I am waiting for someone to come back and tell me that I am not really happy.... and why?
Last edited by Sydney123; 06-26-2019 at 06:21 PM..
Seems to be a companion piece to the “Women are happier being single than men” thread. Yeah, there is a woman I know on Facebook who posts about being fiercely proud of not needing a man, and yet who 2-3 times a year posts drama about falling out with the latest dog she’s taken up with...contradictory. I know a lot more single women (a few who I’ve asked out even) who seem happy going on about their business without getting tangled up in a relationship.
Of the single men that I know, two are like the latter women, seemingly unconcerned with dating. The rest are at least on the edge of unhappiness because of singleness (posting snarky things about being single). One is downright saddened by his singleness, echoing a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’ve felt too about the lack of companionship in his life.
When I read things like clubs and parties where men are charged extra or turned away entirely to keep things from becoming a sausage festival, or the old standbys “Women go to the X because they want to do X, not because they want you to come talk to them” or “Men need to learn that just because women are polite and friendly when they talk it doesn’t mean they want the men to hit on them”, I’ve got to say, except for the odd case like Drama Girl, when women say that they’re more happy being single (than men, anyways), I believe them.
I think generally, a woman who is looking for a relationship will have an easier time finding one, even if it’s a bad one (and in fact may be more likely to be caught up in a bad one for this reason) than a man who is looking; so, single guys are more likely to be looking unsuccessfully for a relationship than single women, who probably also have at least one relationship in their past that makes singleness a much more appealing status to them, at least for the time being.
[quote=At Arms Length;55525254]Seems to be a companion piece to the “Women are happier being single than men” thread. Yeah, there is a woman I know on Facebook who posts about being fiercely proud of not needing a man, and yet who 2-3 times a year posts drama about falling out with the latest dog she’s taken up with...contradictory. I know a lot more single women (a few who I’ve asked out even) who seem happy going on about their business without getting tangled up in a relationship.
Of the single men that I know, two are like the latter women, seemingly unconcerned with dating. The rest are at least on the edge of unhappiness because of singleness (posting snarky things about being single). One is downright saddened by his singleness, echoing a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’ve felt too about the lack of companionship in his life.
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When I read things like clubs and parties where men are charged extra or turned away entirely to keep things from becoming a sausage festival
Wait a min., clubs STILL do this? I figured this would be outlawed via discrimination laws.
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or the old standbys “Women go to the X because they want to do X, not because they want you to come talk to them” or “Men need to learn that just because women are polite and friendly when they talk it doesn’t mean they want the men to hit on them”, I’ve got to say, except for the odd case like Drama Girl, when women say that they’re more happy being single (than men, anyways), I believe them.
Yeah, it's so bad that they literally make a bee line to gay bars to avoid straight men from hitting on them. You know it's the sign of the 4 horseman when that's happening. lol
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I think generally, a woman who is looking for a relationship will have an easier time finding one, even if it’s a bad one (and in fact may be more likely to be caught up in a bad one for this reason) than a man who is looking; so, single guys are more likely to be looking unsuccessfully for a relationship than single women, who probably also have at least one relationship in their past that makes singleness a much more appealing status to them, at least for the time being.
Yeah, usually a woman already has a man, usually a male friend, waiting in the wings. Typically a male friend. Usually they take up with the "friend of the family" once the papers are signed. If it isn't post-divorce, it's within a month or 2 they've taken up with a guy they already know via their circles.
Men can typically have significant gaps in their singleness.
Seems to be a companion piece to the “Women are happier being single than men” thread. Yeah, there is a woman I know on Facebook who posts about being fiercely proud of not needing a man, and yet who 2-3 times a year posts drama about falling out with the latest dog she’s taken up with...contradictory. I know a lot more single women (a few who I’ve asked out even) who seem happy going on about their business without getting tangled up in a relationship.
Of the single men that I know, two are like the latter women, seemingly unconcerned with dating. The rest are at least on the edge of unhappiness because of singleness (posting snarky things about being single). One is downright saddened by his singleness, echoing a lot of thoughts and feelings that I’ve felt too about the lack of companionship in his life.
Yeah, usually a woman already has a man, usually a male friend, waiting in the wings. Typically a male friend. Usually they take up with the "friend of the family" once the papers are signed. If it isn't post-divorce, it's within a month or 2 they've taken up with a guy they already know via their circles.
Men can typically have significant gaps in their singleness.
Yeah, I'm afraid I give out the unhappy being single vibe,. though I try hard to mask it. Only my closest friends know how lonely and isolated I feel living where I do. Talk about gaps in relationships...In my 20's-30's, I was never single, whether it a fling or relationship, for longer than 3-6 months. 6 months was severe. Since my divorce, its been mostly hookups, with big gaps in between and two 1 year relationships that didn't end well. Times have changed, and of course, now I'm older, which is a big strike against me with women.
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