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Pretty much. Because you are trying to sell a false dichotomy, namely that one can either blunt or one can be deceitful. You are essentially saying that there's only way to package and deliver the truth, the feelings of others be damned.
Yet it is entirely possible to tell something The Awful Truth in ways that minimize hurt feelings. After all, if you tell someone, "That dress is ugly" or "You know, this dress over here is much more flattering on you," then you've said the same thing. At the same time, it also ensures that the truth you speak will fall on receptive ears, for nobody likes to be told something about themselves with all the gracefulness of a howitzer.
Mature and empathetic grownups know how to use diplomacy and tact to speak truth to power. If you want to be successful, realize that most successful people in life master the ability to speak their minds without leaving a path of destruction in their wake.
I mean I guess it depends on the situation because this is not to say I'm 100 percent blunt 100 percent of the time. When I say I pride myself on being blunt, I'm mostly talking about if I really don't like someone/a certain situation you will know it. Of course said party usually doesn't care but at least it shows others who feel similar that I'm angry about it/the person too.
As far as hurt feelings, there are certain types of people who need their feelings hurt. Of course again those types of people usually don't care but every once in a while you may get them to stop. I had to be blunt once to get out of a bad situation. If you said to them "you make me cry" so what? but if you said to them that it makes you suicidal then they back off. One minute of a bruised ego is worth it.
I mean I guess it depends on the situation because this is not to say I'm 100 percent blunt 100 percent of the time. When I say I pride myself on being blunt, I'm mostly talking about if I really don't like someone/a certain situation you will know it. Of course said party usually doesn't care but at least it shows others who feel similar that I'm angry about it/the person too.
As far as hurt feelings, there are certain types of people who need their feelings hurt. Of course again those types of people don't care but every once in a while you may get them to stop. I had to be blunt once to get out of a bad situation. If you said to them "you make me cry" so what? but if you said to them that it makes you suicidal then they back off.
If you are talking about bullying the bullies in the sense of standing up for yourself and setting a boundary, I agree with that, in a sense.
Most of the time, you will not win at their game though unless you are willing to stoop to their level, and in the end, that makes you as bad as them.
Pigs love to roll in **** and if you love rolling in **** too, then by all means, join them.
I mean I guess it depends on the situation because this is not to say I'm 100 percent blunt 100 percent of the time. When I say I pride myself on being blunt, I'm mostly talking about if I really don't like someone/a certain situation you will know it. Of course said party usually doesn't care but at least it shows others who feel similar that I'm angry about it/the person too.
As far as hurt feelings, there are certain types of people who need their feelings hurt. Of course again those types of people usually don't care but every once in a while you may get them to stop. I had to be blunt once to get out of a bad situation. If you said to them "you make me cry" so what? but if you said to them that it makes you suicidal then they back off. One minute of a bruised ego is worth it.
Nobody really needs to get their feelings hurt. Especially if you're trying to change their behavior.
I don't know why people are lumping ALL sarcastic humor into the negative category (unless they're just, again, using the wrong word for what they really mean).
Since the meme cliches seem to be flowing like water in this thread, I'll go ahead and toss in a few of my own to save others the effort:
"I panic at a lot of other places besides the disco..." isn't hostile or bullying.
"A large group of people is called a 'no thanks....'" isn't hostile or bullying.
"I had my patience tested. It's negative...." isn't hostile or bullying.
Sarcasm isn't always hostile. Like most anything, intent and context matters. In the context of this thread, I don't think anyone who wears their fondness for sarcasm on their sleeve enough to lead with it in a dating profile would be an easy person to get along with anyway.
If you are talking about bullying the bullies in the sense of standing up for yourself and setting a boundary, I agree with that, in a sense.
Most of the time, you will not win at their game though unless you are willing to stoop to their level, and in the end, that makes you as bad as them.
Pigs love to roll in **** and if you love rolling in **** too, then by all means, join them.
But thats not the only, nor the best, approach.
Well back to the topic of sarcasm, the example I was thinking of was in POC section right here on CD. This bad apple on the Republican side called me lazy and basically said that I wanted to be on welfare. I told them something like "yes I just sit at my computer with cheeto fingers all day complaining because I love to complain that I can't get a job that I never looked at" (I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something like that). Unfortunately they weren't able to help me like many I encounter but it got them to stop being a jerk and understood my situation. If I can change someone on a cesspool like CD especially I'd say it's pretty worth it. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose but you always lose if you never play.
People have a different opinion of stooping to their level..I don't know what that is. Me personally I'm mostly just calling a spade a spade. There's a limit I suppose but a sprinkle of snark should be okay.
Well it might be the only approach. There was a time I wasn't blunt and I had regretted it. I used to hint around that my father should be doing things better. Because I did that it seemed he thought my mother was influencing how I felt. I still haven't told him the whole truth to this day but it's just been too many years that I'd rather just try and keep him out of my life. I will if one day he asks. Had I told him then maybe it would have changed things even a little bit..well he is a narcissist and it's nearly impossible to change them but at least it would be out in the open and I could get complete peace/closure you know. I did get a little closure for saying it partially on FB.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Nobody really needs to get their feelings hurt. Especially if you're trying to change their behavior.
Some people won't even have a chance of changing unless you bruise them a bit which is illustrated by the example I gave.
Last edited by Nickchick; 02-12-2020 at 05:26 PM..
Well back to the topic of sarcasm, the example I was thinking of was in POC section right here on CD. This bad apple on the Republican side called me lazy and basically said that I wanted to be on welfare. I told them something like "yes I just sit at my computer with cheeto fingers all day complaining because I love to complain that I can't get a job that I never looked at" (I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something like that). Unfortunately they weren't able to help me like many I encounter but it got them to stop being a jerk and understood my situation. If I can change someone on a cesspool like CD especially I'd say it's pretty worth it. Sometimes you win sometimes you lose but you always lose if you never play.
People have a different opinion of stooping to their level..I don't know what that is. Me personally I'm mostly just calling a spade a spade.
That seems more like satire to me. You were using hyperbole to exaggerate the situation, which I think is actually a good use of humor because it diffuses the stress of the situation, pokes fun at yourself a little bit, even, which is nonthreatening.
Sarcasm might have been "You voted for Trump, so Mensa must be pounding your door down, genius. Im totally going to take you seriously now."
Quote:
Well it might be the only approach. There was a time I wasn't blunt and I had regretted it. I used to hint around that my father should be doing things better. Because I did that it seemed he thought my mother was influencing how I felt. I still haven't told him the whole truth to this day but it's just been too many years that I'd rather just try and keep him out of my life. I will if one day he asks. Had I told him then maybe it would have changed things even a little bit..well he is a narcissist and it's nearly impossible to change them but at least it would be out in the open and I could get complete peace/closure you know. I did get a little closure for saying it partially on FB.
I am seeing a lot of "Fluent in sarcasm" in dating profiles...and recently when I asked a woman what she seeks in a man...that "He must have a good sense of humor and someone who doesn't get offended by my sarcasm".
Red flag or not?
I have a friend that HATES ANY sarcasm of ANY sort, be it humor or whatever or any context, as she considers it damaging to a relationship. I think it was because she's experienced it with men she's dated and some people she's interacted with.
A form of passive aggressive behavior that people can fall back on the ol', "I was just joking, geeze, get a sense of humor, will ya!"
Typically, this can make or break a date if it escalates.
Now, I have a great sense of humor, and enjoy pretty much all types of humor, (except for the movie Jackass, never saw the appeal in a lot of those bits). But anyway,
What are your thoughts?
Sarcasm is attractive?
Or outright rude and passive aggressive?
I"m super grateful that people include this info. I interpret it as: I am mean, and my previous mate couldn't deal with me. I'm convinced she didn't have a sense of humor, and I'm not going to change.
I had to learn while working in elementary schools...sarcasm is hurtful, it isn't something I want to use with kids and not something I want them to use on others, so I have eliminated it from my life.
That seems more like satire to me. You were using hyperbole to exaggerate the situation, which I think is actually a good use of humor because it diffuses the stress of the situation, pokes fun at yourself a little bit, even, which is nonthreatening.
I've always known that to be sarcasm. I guess the comedy genres blend together sometimes (but I still feel like it has a sarcasm vibe..idk) It's like music genres. Some of them can be obvious like Johnny Cash is country but is AFI emo or goth rock?
I am seeing a lot of "Fluent in sarcasm" in dating profiles...and recently when I asked a woman what she seeks in a man...that "He must have a good sense of humor and someone who doesn't get offended by my sarcasm".
Red flag or not?
I have a friend that HATES ANY sarcasm of ANY sort, be it humor or whatever or any context, as she considers it damaging to a relationship. I think it was because she's experienced it with men she's dated and some people she's interacted with.
A form of passive aggressive behavior that people can fall back on the ol', "I was just joking, geeze, get a sense of humor, will ya!"
Typically, this can make or break a date if it escalates.
Now, I have a great sense of humor, and enjoy pretty much all types of humor, (except for the movie Jackass, never saw the appeal in a lot of those bits). But anyway,
What are your thoughts?
Sarcasm is attractive?
Or outright rude and passive aggressive?
People today are too sensitive. Years ago there were comedians that made successful livings with their sarcastic humor....and everyone knew they were being comedic and not insulting.
Examples: Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Joan Rivers, Robin Williams, Roseann Barr, etc...
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