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Jimmy Carter. Elizabeth Warren? Klobuchar? Pat Schroeder (different generation). Sen. Tom Udall (retiring soon).
I agree. I do think you will tend to find more narcissists in the political world, just as you would in Hollywood, or in CEOs. But I don't think all politicians are, I wouldn't even say most. But yes, you probably find a lot more narcissists in the political world than you do for example in the architecture industry.
I don't think it was time wasted, I think that you learned something - how yo spot a narc and how intractable they are.
One of my sisters is a malignant narcissist. As adults for 20 years, I was tortured by my younger sister.
My second and current husband noticed this, I did not. I just thought it was "normal" for the youngest child to behave this way. it is NOT.
No one can change narcs. Even skilled psychoanalysts. Why? They think nothing is wrong with them. Ever. The problem is YOU. Also, they seldom seek therapy.
The best thing you can do is distance yourself from these people and to realize that they will never, ever change.
Narcs do not change. Ever.
My life is SO, SO, SO, much better without my youngest sister.
Totally agree with this....
My mother was a narcissist....so was one of my cousins, whom I was very close to for some time...a good part of my life actually, and I always wondered why I gravitated towards these people when in fact, I knew it was wrong to do....
Well, in my case there were a lot of reasons, and I'm a bit upset with myself that it took so darn long to wake up and kick these people out of my life...I don't dislike anyone of them, but none of them would ever have a place in my life again...my mother passed away...one of the things my foster mom told me, that regardless of how bad my mother was, I should always remember, she was still my mother...now that doesn't mean that I had to stay and accept her abuse....the worst part of any relationship I've had with a narcissist, is, that I hated the person I became around them...to try and defend myself...I've been hurt by a lot of people but the one that hurt me the most was my cousin....
Her mother was just like mine in a lot of ways...reason being, their mother passed away and my mother was the oldest, so her father who was a child abuser, both physically, mentally and sexually, made my mom quick school, get a job and hand over her entire pay check to him...and he drank most of it away. So my mother raised her sisters...which is why all of them developed like her. I didn't know my grand mother but I'd be willing to bet she had some of those problems as well?
I didn't see the similarities in my cousin's behavior, b/c I felt sorry for her....didn't want to see them....I knew she lied, but most of my adult life, she kept telling me to estrange from my mother...
Kept telling her, that I wasn't ready and went ready I would. She told me, she hated the way my mother treated me, and so forth.
Long story short, I finally did cut my mother out of my life, couldn't take it any longer. Even after my mother died, the funeral director questioned me, and told me, indirectly that my mother feared I wouldn't stick to her wishes...and I knew she'd do that, which is why I asked my son to take over, that I didn't want any parts of it.
The moment I did that, my cousin, started visiting my mother, plus she lied to me about so many other things, the visits became more and more, and when I cut my cousin out of my life, I started to see the very same traits in her. Couldn't believe it. She didn't know my son, my ex daughter in law or my grand daughter and yet, contacted my DIL asking her if she could post my grand daughters picture....when she did it twice my DIL realized that she was doing this to hurt me....but I mean can you imagine? She still to this day comments on my son's posts My son doesn't respond, but she keeps doing it....it's her only way she "thinks" she can get a rise out of me, but it only proves how vile she can be.
Narcissists are emotional vampires....and it's best to just walk away, don't ask any questions, and live your life the way you want b/c you will never ever win or help them...and they are smart, cunning and calculative...so for your own state of mind, I suggest to walk away, learning from the encounters and move on.....
After my mother died, my cousin actually went into the funeral memories that was online and said, what a great person she was, how she and her hubby enjoyed their visits, and how much they loved her...and said she always had nice things to say about everyone....OMG....my mother talked about everyone except her mother.
But, my cousin wanted to hurt me....and hurt me she did, she actually took over for my mother, so, forgive her, I can, but I will never forget, and she never gets to share any part of my life again.
I agree. I do think you will tend to find more narcissists in the political world, just as you would in Hollywood, or in CEOs. But I don't think all politicians are, I wouldn't even say most. But yes, you probably find a lot more narcissists in the political world than you do for example in the architecture industry.
CEOs or management types are frequently huge narcissists. I know white collar workers who got promoted in to lower management then got laid off over a decade ago and never got over it. They are a manager/coach in their week end warrior league. They always want to be in charge and EXTREMELY worried about their image and being viewed in a positive light. They spend excessive amounts of time & money on grooming products, fashion, cars for image. Yet one just has to look at their resume and they are no captain of industry.
But the CEOs, in corporate America the ceo is frequently nothing but a figure head/public face of the company with few really involved in the daily details of their business. It's the nature of the beast. But that's how one can deal with a narcissist at times simply by confronting them with details, many will back down once they realize they'll lose the argument because that goes back to them always wanting to be right and assuming they are.
Hey all I need some more advice. It's taken a very strange turn. So she started sending me messages on social media (we are still connected but I have ignored). What's weird about it is that she is now starting to hang out around my neighborhood on a regular basis. She lives approximately 20-25 minutes (driving) from me. About a 3-minute drive from me is this riverwalk that I frequent daily. When we had our chat several weeks ago I had mentioned to her that I have been going to the riverwalk almost every day for walks and runs. So in her most recent message she told me she is now going to the riverwalk that's by me on a regular basis too.
It's odd because there are two other river walks much much closer to her and other recreational areas too, even a forest preserve. The riverwalk by me is out of her way and with so many parks in our city (literally like 100s live in one of the largest cities) why pick the riverwalk by me? I could understand coming to the riverwalk by me once to check it out, but looks like she is frequenting it all the time. So I thought maybe she is done visiting it. Nope. Today I saw she posted all over social media pictures of herself a few hours ago on the riverwalk at lunch time (which is when I go to the riverwalk...) taking selfies and showing that she's at the riverwalk. I now go at 1PM instead of 12PM to avoid lunch crowds, so missed her by an hour.
Ugh. Now I don't even want to go there anymore as I am afraid to bump into her. Is it me or this strange? I think in the meantime I will avoid going to the riverwalk, but it also will work out. I have been running on it during lunch because that's when it's warm enough. But now that it's warming up more and more I am going to start running on it at 6am which I know for sure she won't be there at that time.
Hey all I need some more advice. It's taken a very strange turn. So she started sending me messages on social media (we are still connected but I have ignored). What's weird about it is that she is now starting to hang out around my neighborhood on a regular basis. She lives approximately 20-25 minutes (driving) from me. About a 3-minute drive from me is this riverwalk that I frequent daily. When we had our chat several weeks ago I had mentioned to her that I have been going to the riverwalk almost every day for walks and runs. So in her most recent message she told me she is now going to the riverwalk that's by me on a regular basis too.
It's odd because there are two other river walks much much closer to her and other recreational areas too, even a forest preserve. The riverwalk by me is out of her way and with so many parks in our city (literally like 100s live in one of the largest cities) why pick the riverwalk by me? I could understand coming to the riverwalk by me once to check it out, but looks like she is frequenting it all the time. So I thought maybe she is done visiting it. Nope. Today I saw she posted all over social media pictures of herself a few hours ago on the riverwalk at lunch time (which is when I go to the riverwalk...) taking selfies and showing that she's at the riverwalk. I now go at 1PM instead of 12PM to avoid lunch crowds, so missed her by an hour.
Ugh. Now I don't even want to go there anymore as I am afraid to bump into her. Is it me or this strange? I think in the meantime I will avoid going to the riverwalk, but it also will work out. I have been running on it during lunch because that's when it's warm enough. But now that it's warming up more and more I am going to start running on it at 6am which I know for sure she won't be there at that time.
Is this typical behavior of a narcissist?
yes, as far as my experiences, they don't want to let you go, and they crave your attention so badly, that even if it's negative attention. For instance, when my cousin wrote what she wrote in my mother's obit...she did it to get a rise out of me...my mother used to do stuff like that all the time...
again, my best advice would be, ignore her completely, she might try for years going forward to get you back in her life...and that's what it sounds like....remember you fed her ego...
But this was a lesson of how a narcissist, it's not even worth trying to fix or discuss things. Wasted energy.
If you learned from it, then it wasn't wasted energy. One thing I do with people who don't take turns is I start doing housework while they talk. Then they start to feel unimportant.
CB, I know that frustration too. I was 40 before I distanced myself from my mother and began unraveling all the insane abuse, manipulation and neglect she subjected me to. It was so incredibly painful to realize how long I’d been confused and just ... lost. She was a blight on my life but ironically she also gave me the tools to make my escape.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
Totally agree with this....
My mother was a narcissist....so was one of my cousins, whom I was very close to for some time...a good part of my life actually, and I always wondered why I gravitated towards these people when in fact, I knew it was wrong to do....
Well, in my case there were a lot of reasons, and I'm a bit upset with myself that it took so darn long to wake up and kick these people out of my life...I don't dislike anyone of them, but none of them would ever have a place in my life again...my mother passed away...one of the things my foster mom told me, that regardless of how bad my mother was, I should always remember, she was still my mother...now that doesn't mean that I had to stay and accept her abuse....the worst part of any relationship I've had with a narcissist, is, that I hated the person I became around them...to try and defend myself...I've been hurt by a lot of people but the one that hurt me the most was my cousin....
Her mother was just like mine in a lot of ways...reason being, their mother passed away and my mother was the oldest, so her father who was a child abuser, both physically, mentally and sexually, made my mom quick school, get a job and hand over her entire pay check to him...and he drank most of it away. So my mother raised her sisters...which is why all of them developed like her. I didn't know my grand mother but I'd be willing to bet she had some of those problems as well?
I didn't see the similarities in my cousin's behavior, b/c I felt sorry for her....didn't want to see them....I knew she lied, but most of my adult life, she kept telling me to estrange from my mother...
Kept telling her, that I wasn't ready and went ready I would. She told me, she hated the way my mother treated me, and so forth.
Long story short, I finally did cut my mother out of my life, couldn't take it any longer. Even after my mother died, the funeral director questioned me, and told me, indirectly that my mother feared I wouldn't stick to her wishes...and I knew she'd do that, which is why I asked my son to take over, that I didn't want any parts of it.
The moment I did that, my cousin, started visiting my mother, plus she lied to me about so many other things, the visits became more and more, and when I cut my cousin out of my life, I started to see the very same traits in her. Couldn't believe it. She didn't know my son, my ex daughter in law or my grand daughter and yet, contacted my DIL asking her if she could post my grand daughters picture....when she did it twice my DIL realized that she was doing this to hurt me....but I mean can you imagine? She still to this day comments on my son's posts My son doesn't respond, but she keeps doing it....it's her only way she "thinks" she can get a rise out of me, but it only proves how vile she can be.
Narcissists are emotional vampires....and it's best to just walk away, don't ask any questions, and live your life the way you want b/c you will never ever win or help them...and they are smart, cunning and calculative...so for your own state of mind, I suggest to walk away, learning from the encounters and move on.....
After my mother died, my cousin actually went into the funeral memories that was online and said, what a great person she was, how she and her hubby enjoyed their visits, and how much they loved her...and said she always had nice things to say about everyone....OMG....my mother talked about everyone except her mother.
But, my cousin wanted to hurt me....and hurt me she did, she actually took over for my mother, so, forgive her, I can, but I will never forget, and she never gets to share any part of my life again.
CB, I know that frustration too. I was 40 before I distanced myself from my mother and began unraveling all the insane abuse, manipulation and neglect she subjected me to. It was so incredibly painful to realize how long I’d been confused and just ... lost. She was a blight on my life but ironically she also gave me the tools to make my escape.
I'm so so sorry, it is awful to grow up with someone like this....mine would slap me across the head until my ears would ring...matter of fact, when I think about it, I can still hear the blows and how my ears rang, mine was a real nut case, when I'd ask her if I could do something, she'd say "no" and then laugh....and yes, manipulative and calculating....I've been hurt a lot in my lifetime, but I don't believe anyone has hurt me as much as my cousin did, maybe I was so used to being around people like that I just didn't see it in her, until I started saying no to her. She would always ask me for very large sums of money...and when I cut her out of my life, she was visiting my mother and telling everyone how horrible I was. Just like my mother did.
It has taken me a very long time to heal....but now there is peace...I think I had to stop running and face the monster head on...
Counseling helped me a lot and growing up with the family across the street...that God for them...
I'd rep you a thousand times if I could....I hope your ok....and have been able to lead a peaceful and loving life.
HUgs
Last edited by cremebrulee; 05-10-2020 at 05:50 PM..
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