Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There has been a movement over the past several years that addresses this subtle form of sexism. Several women have made videos about how many times they are told to smile over the course of their days, by strangers and acquaintances.
I've read a theory that says our society conditions women to be pleasing to look at and interact with, and that men are conditioned that they have some say in how women should look and act. This "smiling" expectation stems from that.
But it's not only men telling women to smile. It's a cultural expectation. I don't naturally smile and find that I have to force myself to do it in public situations to avoid censure and negativity. I'm not really trying to be rude or sour, it's just my face.
Is it a cultural expectation that women act and appear pleasing to others?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brynach
It's a cultural expectation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brynach
I don't naturally smile and find that I have to force myself to do it in public situations to avoid censure and negativity.
Wow ... censure!
That is a shame. What specific kinds of censure have you experienced based on your natural facial expression?
While some women will tell other women to smile, it is much more commonly initiated by men.
Either way, neither feels as comfortable telling a man to smile because people in general feel more entitled to comment on and amend a woman's appearance. It can be pretty demeaning, and it makes you feel like you've lost some control over how you present yourself in public.
I simply find smiling a vacuous gesture unless it's in response to something humorous or a form of friendly greeting.
My daughter told me about a guy at work who complained to her that she needed to smile more. I told her to tell him, "they don't pay me to smile; they pay me to work hard."
Yes, she is a beautiful woman and why should she be told to smile so he can get an ego boost?
That's a very millennial self-entitled way of thinking. If your employer ask you to smile to customers, that's a requirement. I find it a lot of millennial workers are like that, very self-entitled. They have to be motivated to step up just a little. Then when it comes to employee evaluations, it's all about them and what has the company offered them to make them do more.
If your job is very customer facing, smiling is the cheapest and simplest way to grab people's attention and get your points across. I try to tell younger workers around me that you gotta put on your game faces at work. Nobody deserves a job, you have to earn it and beat those around you to make employers want to keep you around longer.
Personally, I find it exhausting. I understand that people like and expect smiles, but it's an extra effort when I'm just being myself. And the person who doesn't have the RBF doesn't have to do that extra work. And yes, it is extra work, because it means I have to consciously think about it ALL THE TIME when I am with people I don't live with. It's ridiculous, and all because I'm a woman. Because no one would mention it if I was male.
I understand! It's tough to keep that up if it's not in your nature. Well, maybe you can just give a nice smile (that you've practiced at home in the mirror) in CERTAIN, important situations, such as job interviews, when meeting your SO's family & other important people, when you step into the room & see that you're being given a surprise birthday party, when seeing people you haven't seen in a long time, & situations like that.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 09-04-2020 at 07:57 AM..
I simply find smiling a vacuous gesture unless it's in response to something humorous or a form of friendly greeting.
My daughter told me about a guy at work who complained to her that she needed to smile more. I told her to tell him, "they don't pay me to smile; they pay me to work hard."
Yes, she is a beautiful woman and why should she be told to smile so he can get an ego boost?
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r
That's a very millennial self-entitled way of thinking. If your employer ask you to smile to customers, that's a requirement. I find it a lot of millennial workers are like that, very self-entitled. They have to be motivated to step up just a little. Then when it comes to employee evaluations, it's all about them and what has the company offered them to make them do more.
If your job is very customer facing, smiling is the cheapest and simplest way to grab people's attention and get your points across. I try to tell younger workers around me that you gotta put on your game faces at work. Nobody deserves a job, you have to earn it and beat those around you to make employers want to keep you around longer.
I totally agree w/ vision33r! I've also found that ladies, especially if they're on the younger side & at least kind of halfway good looking who don't smile are b------ when you actually get to know them. So their faces match their personality, which is no surprise. They simply think they're too good, hot, sexy, fine, think they're better than everyone else to smile.
This reminds me of Victoria Beckham who's a perfect example. Google her name, which I've done here so you can see numerous pics of her & you'll see she never really smiles. If you've seen pics of her throughout the years, she's ALWAYS been that way. It's like a smirk & RBF (resting b---- face):
Now, I'm sure her close friends & family like & know her personality. But since most of us don't know her, her facial expression looks like she's a b----. Now is she, who really knows. I've even thought that maybe she doesn't want to start getting smile lines. But for whatever reason she does it, her facial expressions don't look good, warming & welcoming, & nice that's for darn sure! I can't stand it when people look like this.
As a child no one takes you seriously because you smile, so some develop a more solum demeanor.
Some one in need smiles at you because they want your pity.
A preditor smiles at you because the are hoping to disarm you.
Untill my 20s I ws a very frindly open person but this was read as weak by those that did not know me.
I'm very much older now and I find smiling easy because I don't care how I am precieved.
People that are fearful are fearful of every thing, smiling only makes it worse.
Being about your own business, you can smile to your self and be as happy as you wish.
I totally agree w/ vision33r! I've also found that ladies, especially if they're on the younger side & at least kind of halfway good looking who don't smile are b------ when you actually get to know them. So their faces match their personality, which is no surprise. They simply think they're too good, hot, sexy, fine, think they're better than everyone else to smile.
I find that an unfair assumption about people.
I have friends that look that way to strangers, but it's a defence mechanism in my experience. If you are open with them, they show you their "real" side.
Sometimes people just have deep problems that they haven't solved yet. Some are cold. Some are dissatisfied with working their ass off for less than minimum wage and get used by their employers.
As a child no one takes you seriously because you smile, so some develop a more solum demeanor.
Some one in need smiles at you because they want your pity.
A preditor smiles at you because the are hoping to disarm you.
Untill my 20s I ws a very frindly open person but this was read as weak by those that did not know me.
I'm very much older now and I find smiling easy because I don't care how I am precieved.
People that are fearful are fearful of every thing, smiling only makes it worse.
Being about your own business, you can smile to your self and be as happy as you wish.
Well, that's unfortunate. Too bad you didn't care how you're perceived in your younger years & not just as you got older.
A smile can definitely mean & show confidence just as much as what you're saying about how it shows weakness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr
I find that an unfair assumption about people.
I have friends that look that way to strangers, but it's a defence mechanism in my experience. If you are open with them, they show you their "real" side.
Sometimes people just have deep problems that they haven't solved yet. Some are cold. Some are dissatisfied with working their ass off for less than minimum wage and get used by their employers.
But sure, maybe some are b------. Who knows.
True, I didn't mean to word it as if they're ALL b's. But a good amount are who were like I described.
That's a very millennial self-entitled way of thinking. If your employer ask you to smile to customers, that's a requirement. I find it a lot of millennial workers are like that, very self-entitled. They have to be motivated to step up just a little. Then when it comes to employee evaluations, it's all about them and what has the company offered them to make them do more.
If your job is very customer facing, smiling is the cheapest and simplest way to grab people's attention and get your points across. I try to tell younger workers around me that you gotta put on your game faces at work. Nobody deserves a job, you have to earn it and beat those around you to make employers want to keep you around longer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue
I totally agree w/ vision33r! I've also found that ladies, especially if they're on the younger side & at least kind of halfway good looking who don't smile are b------ when you actually get to know them. So their faces match their personality, which is no surprise. They simply think they're too good, hot, sexy, fine, think they're better than everyone else to smile.
This reminds me of Victoria Beckham who's a perfect example. Google her name, which I've done here so you can see numerous pics of her & you'll see she never really smiles. If you've seen pics of her throughout the years, she's ALWAYS been that way. It's like a smirk & RBF (resting b---- face):
Now, I'm sure her close friends & family like & know her personality. But since most of us don't know her, her facial expression looks like she's a b----. Now is she, who really knows. I've even thought that maybe she doesn't want to start getting smile lines. But for whatever reason she does it, her facial expressions don't look good, warming & welcoming, & nice that's for darn sure! I can't stand it when people look like this.
How presumptuous of both of you.
I am a boomer, very successful professional, high achiever based on my intellect, problem solving abilities and work ethic. Obtained four year undergraduate college degree in six years while going to night school and working full-time due to my sexist father who believed it was a waste for women to go to college since they just end up married. So yes I am "entitled" to be valued based on my abilities and character; not based on some sexist notion or stereotyping that I should walk around with a smile on my face.
Last edited by Maddie104; 09-04-2020 at 11:23 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
