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In society, people just like it when women have a pleasant facial expression because out of the two genders, women are the pretty ones. People don't care as much about men. It's like how women are the ones that wear brighter-colored clothing. Men are expected to wear darker clothing.
It's just unfortunate & I know it's just your genetics/the way you look that you guys all have that RBF (resting b---- face). I'm so glad I don't have that!
This reminds me, there's a YouTuber I watch that has a RBF & she never really smiles. She's aware that she has a RBF, but that doesn't seem to make her want to smile more. A nice, genuine smile truly, truly does make ALL the difference, so I'd suggest to anyone out there w/ a RBF to work harder at smiling more. You'll see a HUGE difference in how people perceive & treat you. If I had a RBF, I'd do all I could to change it & make myself appear more friendly, kind, etc.
And since we're on this topic, I personally hate when people smile without showing their teeth. Just sitting alone at home, I tried to make my mouth bend to smile w/o showing teeth & not only do I think it looks bad when I look in the mirror, but it even feels incredibly odd to smile that way. It appears fake & even like...how shall I explain it...like even cartoonish kind of, like you're not being sincere.
You are my favorite poster lately besides Shelato and Birdie.
So I agree to almost everything except that last part. for me it takes a lot of effort to smile because I naturally have a BRF, too. Now, smiling AND showing my teeth is even double the effort. I think it depends on the person with the teeth or no teeth smiling. I do try to remind myself often though to smile more and it is true - people treat you better and are more likely to smile back.
I get told to smile every now and then and I don't mind. Because sometimes I have my head up by a$$, I am in so deep thoughts in public that apparently, I look very unhappy. No need to be like that.
It's supposed to be a spontaneous reaction, not a performed task. There are more considerate ways to improve someone's mood than just suggesting they smile.
Ok, then please tell me some more considerate ways to improve a stranger's mood.
This reminds me, there's a YouTuber I watch that has a RBF & she never really smiles. She's aware that she has a RBF, but that doesn't seem to make her want to smile more. A nice, genuine smile truly, truly does make ALL the difference, so I'd suggest to anyone out there w/ a RBF to work harder at smiling more. You'll see a HUGE difference in how people perceive & treat you. If I had a RBF, I'd do all I could to change it & make myself appear more friendly, kind, etc.
You would. That's great. Not everyone has your priorities. I usually judge a person's kindness or friendliness by their actions, not by what their face looks like.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr
what if it's something that helps a person in need? what if someone wants to hear it because someone shows they care? is it inappropriate even if the person feels better and smiles?
If you think someone looks unhappy, the "caring" thing to do is ask what's wrong and how you can help, not tell them to smile without having any idea what's going on with them.
Or, even better-- do as my former coworker did and *make* them smile. He'd always do something funny or stupid because he knew it would make me laugh. Never did the words "you should smile!" leave his lips. If you decide you just HAVE to dictate someone's facial expression, at least give them a reason want to smile instead of just ordering them to.
I smile a lot. I just tend to be a happy person and it shows on my face. People even comment on it, but not to tell me to smile more. I joke that it's my default setting.
That said, you don't need to tell anyone to smile. If you are a happy person and smile, most people smile back. Take it from an expert on this. It has to be a real smile, from the heart, not some practiced fake smile. Most people can tell a real smile from a fake one. If you actually have to "tell" people to smile then you, yourself most likely are not smiling. So practice what you preach and work on your own happiness first.
Also, be careful. Sometimes people have very good reasons for not smiling back. Like other's said, you don't know what's going on in their lives (death of a loved one, lost a job, bad diagnosis from the doctor, sick child, the person could be in physical pain or feeling sick, etc). People have a range of emotions and, unless you know the person well enough to ask them what's wrong and willing to discuss it with them, it's bad manners to insist that they look happy just because that's what you want. They have a right to feel the way they want.
Why do you think strangers need to improve their mood?
I don't think they need to. I think they would probably want to. I think a person prefers to be happy instead of sad, angry, frustrated. I know I do.
And if someone tells me to smile and I'm not in the mood, I will just say "sorry, not in the mood.",
I won't tell him "why do you think you can order me around?"
Anyway I guess that's just something I would do, and that's what makes people different.
Why do you think strangers need to improve their mood?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr
I don't think they need to. I think they would probably want to. I think a person prefers to be happy instead of sad, angry, frustrated. I know I do.
And if someone tells me to smile and I'm not in the mood, I will just say "sorry, not in the mood.",
I won't tell him "why do you think you can order me around?"
Anyway I guess that's just something I would do, and that's what makes people different.
LOL about Katnan's comment.
However, I prefer if people tell me to smile. Otherwise I would never know I have a BRF. My friends never say it though, it is usually strangers or coworkers. Apparently, I look especially p..ed off behind a computer screen. I put a smiley sticker on it but it doesn't always help. I am smiley around my friends because we usually interact.
I don't think they need to. I think they would probably want to. I think a person prefers to be happy instead of sad, angry, frustrated. I know I do.
That's presumptuous. You DON'T know that anyone wants you doing this. What works for you, obviously, won't work for everyone. There have been actual studies that show that telling people to smile can backfire and cause them to respond with annoyance or sarcasm.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr
I won't tell him "why do you think you can order me around?"
Lots of other people wouldn't say that either. They would just comply so you'll stop, and then start to cringe when they see you coming, knowing they'd better smile or else...
It's not your job to "improve anyone's mood."
If you want to be a caring coworker, do that ... by ASKING them, without any insinuations, how their day is going.
ASK if you can help them with anything.
Offer them a treat you know they like.
See if they want to take a walk during your next break.
Just stop making assumptions. As you've seen throughout the thread, they may not even be upset. It might just be the way their face looks. And you can either continue to ignore that obvious fact or you can consider that you're doing this wrong.
I get that all the time but it’s usually when someone is standing on my lawn that shouldnt
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