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I've said to my friends or colleges maybe even people I don't really know "smile a bit!" if I notice they are frowning all the time. I don't do it because their face is displeasing. I do it cause I like to see people smiling, and I know that it impacts their psyche if they do. After that some either smile, or even get into conversations about how thats their natural or how they are tired.
Do you think I'm doing something wrong when I say that?
Yes, you're showing a massive lack of empathy, and amazing arrogance.
You want them to smile because you like smiles--how selfish of you.
You don't even ask what's going on with them, just tell them they'll feel better if they smile.
Fashion models don't smile on the runway anymore. I hope that's the first sign of an end to this stupid "you'd be so pretty if you smiled" nonsense.
I am a boomer, very successful professional, high achiever based on my intellect, problem solving abilities and work ethic. Obtained four year undergraduate college degree in six years while going to night school and working full-time due to my sexist father who believed it was a waste for women to go to college since they just end up married. So yes I am "entitled" to be valued based on my abilities and character; not based on some sexist notion that I should walk around with a smile on my face.
Triggered! So with all that you said, what prevents you from having an “inviting” nature and smile more cause you obviously seem to think due to what your father thinks of you, you feel “entitled” and probably have a “stern” demeanor. Successful professionals can still have a warm, nice demeanor. Do you think that will make you seem weak?
Triggered! So with all that you said, what prevents you from having an “inviting” nature and smile more cause you obviously seem to think due to what your father thinks of you, you feel “entitled” and probably have a “stern” demeanor. Successful professionals can still have a warm, nice demeanor. Do you think that will make you seem weak?
WOW. Please re-read with comprehension what I posted about presumptions. Thank you.
I've said to my friends or colleges maybe even people I don't really know "smile a bit!" if I notice they are frowning all the time. I don't do it because their face is displeasing. I do it cause I like to see people smiling, and I know that it impacts their psyche if they do. After that some either smile, or even get into conversations about how thats their natural or how they are tired.
Do you think I'm doing something wrong when I say that?
"Do you think I'm doing something wrong when I say that?" IMHO, yes, it is inappropriate as you know absolutely nothing about that person's life or situation.
I have rarely been "told to smile", possibly because I am usually quite smiley and upbeat. However, one instance sticks in my mind. After my father's funeral, I stopped at a gas station to fill my car for the long lonely drive home. A complete stranger, a man probably 20 years older than me, said something like "It is a beautiful day, you really should be smiling".
I just turned to stare at him and he again said, in a sort of a demanding voice, "Smile. You would look a lot prettier if you smiled". Needless to say, I was not in a smiling mood after the sudden death of my last parent. In fact, that strangers comments made me feel even worse that day.
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-04-2020 at 12:29 PM..
Bc people (men in particular) do not care how you feel, they care about your female performance. Truth is they think it's your job to be visually pleasing to them, whether they admit it or not. It's not because "w0meN ArE m0re app0AChaBle" because they're not. Guys who do this are just rude. They'll get on your #$$ about not smiling for them but they're the ones being rude by bothering you in the first place.
Last edited by AloePurell; 09-04-2020 at 01:07 PM..
I am a boomer, very successful professional, high achiever based on my intellect, problem solving abilities and work ethic. Obtained four year undergraduate college degree in six years while going to night school and working full-time due to my sexist father who believed it was a waste for women to go to college since they just end up married. So yes I am "entitled" to be valued based on my abilities and character; not based on some sexist notion or stereotyping that I should walk around with a smile on my face.
I had already restated myself in the post right above yours. Who said anything about walking around w/ a smile on your face as in all the time?
Why can't ladies have the WHOLE PACKAGE? I know that's what I strive for: Brains & (inner & outer) beauty & kind, humble personality.
Just because a woman's successful, accomplished, & highly smart, doesn't mean she has to be all staunch, brash, & serious. We have to do the right things at the right times...smile when the situation calls for it, laugh when it's appropriate, but be serious & get down to business when it's time to too.
But I do understand why you say what you say. In the usually male-dominated business/work world where dalys men & women are not treated equally, many men never give females the credit, so you want to be taken seriously for your brain/mind & not your body/legs/looks, etc. But sometimes women go overly serious ALL the time. It's like they're afraid to crack a smile...that' not good either. Again, do it all at the proper times like I said above.
And I see that you really wanted to SHOW your father that you can do a whole lot more than just get married or be barefoot & pregnant & all those other female chauvinistic piggish thoughts of simple-minded men. I don't blame you, I'd want to show him too & if you had brothers at all, I'm sure he expected a LOT more out of them. But again, a nice smile here & there never hurts ANYONE. I don't care if a lady has 5 PhDs.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 09-04-2020 at 01:51 PM..
It's embarrassingly condescending when someone says that. I can't think of a situation ever where I would want to tell someone they should smile (except maybe taking a photo- say cheeese). But to say it to a stranger or co-worker out of the blue is weird.
I had already restated myself in the post right above yours. Who said anything about walking around w/ a smile on your face as in all the time?
Why can't ladies have the WHOLE PACKAGE? I know that's what I strive for: Brains & (inner & outer) beauty & kind, humble personality.
Just because a woman's successful, accomplished, & highly smart, doesn't mean she has to be all staunch, brash, & serious. We have to do the right things at the right times...smile when the situation calls for it, laugh when it's appropriate, but be serious & get down to business when it's time to too.
But I do understand why you say what you say. In the usually male-dominated business/work world where dalys men & women are not treated equally, many men never give females the credit, so you want to be taken seriously for your brain/mind & not your body/legs/looks, etc. But sometimes women go overly serious ALL the time. It's like they're afraid to crack a smile...that' not good either. Again, do it all at the proper times like I said above.
And I see that you really wanted to SHOW your father that you can do a whole lot more than just get married or be barefoot & pregnant & all those other female chauvinistic piggish thoughts of simple-minded men. I don't blame you, I'd want to show him too & if you had brothers at all, I'm sure he expected a LOT more out of them. But again, a nice smile here & there never hurts ANYONE. I don't care if a lady has 5 PhDs.
The problem is you and the other poster used presumptions, i.e., "millennial entitlist attitude," "younger women who are attractive", etc.
If someone want to smile fine; if they don't, why should they be told to smile? I brought up the sexist aspect since I have never in all my 40 years of work life heard a man being told to smile. Many men have stern demeanors and yet no one thinks anything of it.
As I stated up post, I generally smile in response to something humorous and in a friendly greeting but I don't walk around thinking I have to smile so I look more pleasing to other people. BTW, being kind and humble and beautiful on the inside has nothing to do with smiling.
My father's attitude, albeit sexist about college for women, was a largely product of his time. I understood it and never felt I had something to prove. I simply found another way.
On a related note, I had a colleague -- an attractive young female -- who smiled all the time at work. She was from the south so perhaps it was a cultural thing. She was passed over for a job and I learned privately from the hiring manager he didn't trust someone who smiled so much.
Last edited by Maddie104; 09-04-2020 at 03:05 PM..
Yes, you're showing a massive lack of empathy, and amazing arrogance.
You want them to smile because you like smiles--how selfish of you.
You don't even ask what's going on with them, just tell them they'll feel better if they smile.
That's an amazing amount of insight for someone who hasn't ever met me.
That is your explanation. Not mine. I want people to be happy and if you think that is wrong, you are misunderstanding something. I don't want them to be happy for me. I want them to be happy for them.
I guess that's lacking empathy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
"Do you think I'm doing something wrong when I say that?" IMHO, yes, it is inappropriate as you know absolutely nothing about that person's life or situation.
what if it's something that helps a person in need? what if someone wants to hear it because someone shows they care? is it inappropriate even if the person feels better and smiles?
I want people to be happy and if you think that is wrong, you are misunderstanding something. I don't want them to be happy for me. I want them to be happy for them.
I guess that's lacking empathy.
What it lacks is self-awareness.
But one smile in passing isn't always a sign of happiness, and while wanting them to be happy is nice, it's neither her nor there when you're commanding that someone smile.
You never know what someone else is going through. If they comply with your command to "smile a bit," they aren't showing that they're happy. They're showing that they know how to obey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr
what if it's something that helps a person in need? what if someone wants to hear it because someone shows they care? is it inappropriate even if the person feels better and smiles?
What if they don't? What if it makes them feel worse? What if they feel stuck because they know that if they don't, you'll keep up your misguided attempts to make them show you they're happy?
You don't actually know that they feel better. All you really know is that they're compliant.
It's supposed to be a spontaneous reaction, not a performed task. There are more considerate ways to improve someone's mood than just suggesting they smile.
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