Rank the hardest emotional losses in life

[nurider2002]

Lost my mother at age eight after a prolonged illness,
Lost my best friend at age 16,
Everything in the 40 plus years has paled in comparison; relationships ending, passing of other family and friends. I think the losses that occur in childhood are by far the most damaging.

[Curly Q. Bobalink]

Originally Posted by nurider2002

Lost my mother at age eight after a prolonged illness,
Lost my best friend at age 16,
Everything in the 40 plus years has paled in comparison; relationships ending, passing of other family and friends. I think the losses that occur in childhood are by far the most damaging.

You may just be correct, I remember my first experience with death at about age eight very clearly myself, my Dad's work partner and supervisor was quite a bit older than he was, and had a heart attack. I remember going to his house to visit his widow afterward like it was yesterday, and it's been like 55 years.

As someone who is older and has experienced quite a bit of loss in their life (all grandparents, both parents, two siblings, almost all aunts and uncles, numerous cousins, and many family members of close friends,
personal (love) relationships, a slew of favorite pets and several "self" losses), I can tell you that feelings of loss are quite varied in type and intensity. Ranking them feels a lot like answering the question, "Who's your favorite kid?" That being said, I can point to one in particular that has affected me the most, maybe for the perceived affect it had on the rest of my life and the regret it caused. Life, ultimately, is all about managing loss, hopefully replacing things you care about with new things you care about.

Maybe the greatest takeaway from this thread is that sources of loss cannot be universally ranked, because everyone interprets loss and pain so differently.

[bawac34618]

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with the death of a parent or a divorce. My life has been anything but typical however. I'd say my own most difficult emotional losses to deal with are as follows.

1. The Covid pandemic - this year has been the most difficult of my life and it would take an entire post to go into every reason why. I'll sum it up by saying the situation has reopened a lot of old wounds.
2. My parents reaction to me coming out as gay, the changes in our relationship that came afterwards, and the decisions I made as a result.
3. Getting laid off from my first job out of college at the end of 2008 because of the economy and then being fired for being gay from my second job less than a year later; This is a blot on my resume that still affects me to this day.

[selhars]

Objectively, in general societal way I'd think (and I've added some):

1 - Death of a child -- because it's unimaginable to most people
2 - Death of a spouse

3 - Death of a parent while young (because of possible emotional abandonment/trauma, and adjustment maybe moving, living with other family -- or even foster care)
4 - Loss of a job -- depending on when it happens in life, the timing, etc.
(although the loss of a job IMO could never be companied to losing a loved one. It's just a different kind of loss.)

5 - Divorce or hard breakup -- depending on the couple's relationship obviously (for some it could be "see ya later, bye, good riddance)
6 - Death of a sibling

ALSO, look at all the other kinds of loss that could be even more devastating.....
-- loss of a limb
-- loss of a sense (gong blind or deaf)
-- becoming paralyzed
-- brain injury

One of those could easily be more devastating than some of those other losses above.

[CorporateCowboy]

Originally Posted by selhars

Objectively, in general societal way I'd think (and I've added some):

1 - Death of a child -- because it's unimaginable to most people
2 - Death of a spouse

3 - Death of a parent while young (because of possible emotional abandonment/trauma, and adjustment maybe moving, living with other family -- or even foster care)

As difficult as it was to lose a child (particularly mere months after learning I was to be a dad), I'd rank death of a parent while young to be far worse - particularly if they were being raised by a single parent (or the surviving parent is alienated and/or caught up in their own grief).

At least in the death of a child or a spouse, we are adults and have the emotional maturity/ability to deal (and make our own choices) relative to any loss whereas a child's life may be completely turned upside-down or traumatized in terms of other family, foster care, whatever - as you mention.

[KathrynAragon]

All I can say is that when the sheriff's deputy knocked on my door and told me my husband had died unexpectedly, it was absolutely the worst pain I've ever experienced.

I imagine though that the death of a child or the death of a parent when one is young would be very traumatic as well, maybe moreso, who knows. It's variable depending on the situation. For instance, my husband lost his beloved father in an accident, when my husband was only 6. Yes, this was traumatic for him, mostly because he loved his daddy so much and was close to him, but also because it upended his family life as he knew it (mom had to start working and also went back to school, and then eventually remarried which was also difficult). But my mom's parents divorced when she was a baby, and then her dad died (also in an accident) when she was about three - but she didn't even really know him so it didn't have nearly the impact on her that the death of my husband's dad had on him.

But losing my spouse, especially since we were so happy and it was so unexpected - wow, it was just a huge, huge blow and an absolutely terrible experience, and it still is four months later though of course the shock has worn off. Now I just miss him terribly.

I lost both my parents and then my younger brother within the past four years, and now my husband. All those deaths were different, and all were devastating in their own ways. Surprisingly to me, my younger brother's death was more upsetting to me than my parents' deaths, though they were bad enough. But my parents were elderly and had ongoing health issues and especially in my mom's case, with dementia, the deaths were almost a relief from their suffering and from mine, to be honest. My brother died of cancer, and while his death was not unexpected when it finally happened, he was a bit younger than me and also, wow, I just hated to watch him suffer so much, and I hated that his wife (who I love) had to suffer with him. It was terrible.

But nothing compared to the sudden shock of finding out my husband had died out of state and very suddenly, from a heart attack - his first and only heart attack by the way.

[Don_Draper]

1. Divorce
2. Great Recession and nearly losing my career
3. Death of both of my parents
4. Death of my pets
5. Betrayals by friends and losing many post divorce

Maybe not the correct ranking. Just listed as I thought of them. Divorce #1 for sure.