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I've met people in school and at work who I connected with and who seemed to like me. However, I've never arranged hang outs with them. They never invited me to hang out outside of school. School and work kept the relationships in tact, but once that common element is gone the relationship ends. I notice this pattern with all of my relationships. I had one coworker who I used to work with that I really liked and vice versa. For his 21st birthday, he wanted to go to the casino and talked about possibly inviting me. This was the first time in my life that I met someone who invited me somewhere. However he ended up leaving the company before his birthday. He only worked there for a month and a half. He wasn't there long enough for me to get closer to him.
Did it not occur to you to get his number before he left and then keep in touch? At the very least, you could have taken him out for a drink on his birthday.
If you think you had nothing to say to him, you could have started with asking him about his new job, or if he is searching for a new job, offer to help or serve as a reference.
What stops you from reaching out to people? Texting is easy. Too easy if you ask me, but it's what passes for communication these days.
I just turned 24. Throughout my entire life I never had friends. I'm not kidding.
I never experienced being invited to someone's house, a birthday party, the mall, movies, etc.
I never hung out with anyone outside of school.
I've met various people in school and at work, but our relationship never goes beyond its context.
When school or work is over, the relationship is over.
School and work brings us together because it's a place you have to go to out of obligation, but I never did anything voluntary with anyone.
I’ve never maintained contact with anyone I’ve met in my life. It’s been 6 years since I graduated high school. I don’t keep in touch with anyone. It’s been 3 years since I’ve been out of university. I don’t keep in touch with anyone from there.
I live with my parents. I work in a cafe. When I get off work, I go straight home, go to my room, and just go on my laptop. This is what I do in my free-time.
I’m starting to get lonely.
Growing up I dealt with a condition known as Social Anxiety. I had a pretty severe case of it. I would get debilitating anxiety around other people, in public places, in performance situations, etc. I was very self-conscious and was always worried about what people are thinking about me, how I come across, people thinking I’m weird or awkward, embarrassing myself, etc.
Because of this condition, I didn’t go out much and I had a hard time opening up and bonding with other people.
I hardly left the house. I spent the majority of my time in my room either watching TV, playing video games, or going on my iPod.
In school I was quiet and kept to myself. I would get asked all of the time by people “Why are you so quiet?”
My Dad would get on me growing up on not making friends and spending too much time in my room. He would tell me, “You need to break out of this habit. I don’t want you ending up alone. I don’t want you to be a hermit. Who do you hang out with in school? Why are you always by yourself?” I would get mad and irritated.
However, now I am starting to see what my Dad was talking about.
I even feel like my siblings are starting to kind of exclude me out. I’m the youngest of 4. I’m the last one still living at home.
They all text each other and what not. They meet up. I don’t really participate.
I just feel like it’s too late to turn this around. It’s hard to make friends at this age. Especially starting from scratch. I’m just starting to get discouraged. I’ve had opportunities to develop some good friendships, but I wasted those opportunities.
I’ve missed out on a lot of things and a lot of experiences.
I worry I’m going to spend the rest of my life being friendless and reclusive.
Fear no more! Your Fairy Godmother is here :-)
I am 62 years old and still making friends. I have old ones as well as some I just met yesterday. They are new, but one day they will be old and dear.
My first advice is to lay off the laptop for a while. Maybe allow yourself an hour per day. There are things that God put on this earth to enjoy that you can do all by yourself and in doing so, you will probably meet some people and if you put forth the effort to get involved, it may be slow, but you will form lasting friendships I assure you.
Take a good book and go to your town's nearest Park. Find a good, relaxing place and enjoy the Fall air, the trees and everything it has to offer. Say hello to people. Go several times a week. Others that go regularly will recognize you and soon you will begin to make conversation. If invited, join in their group if it looks fun.
Sign up for group counseling for your Anxiety issues. Being around others with the same problems is often comforting, although we certainly don't want anyone else to feel bad. But hey, if they do, then maybe you can be the one to make their day. Also get involved and ask someone else to help and you put your heads together and come up with some group outings and get togethers. There's a start to making new friends there too. Common problems go a long way in bonding with other people.
Try joining Facebook groups that you might like. Maybe one of your siblings will go with you to get you "in the door".
My daughter was plagued with this issue and she is married and has two kids now and doing fine. You will too, it is never too late to make friends and never too late to enjoy nature. Go fly a kite, get a bike, but make it a point to go somewhere at least two times a week. I think the support groups are the best bet first, then when you're doing a little better you can try other things, maybe with the friends you made in the group. Before you know it you will have lots of friends. Good luck I hope you will try this.
Try joining Facebook groups that you might like. Maybe one of your siblings will go with you to get you "in the door".
What Facebook groups meet in person? I hadn't been particularly aware of Facebook groups which meet in person. Or do you mean make overtures of friendliness to persons who post in Facebook special interest groups like the groups focusing on a famous painter or jazz, etc.
I'm, of course, aware of Meet-Up groups which meet in person.
Not saying there are not Facebook groups which meet in person - just need some examples.
Maybe you mean a community Facebook page, for example, which recruits residents of a city or area, for environmental cleanups? (just an example)
You work...WITH THE PUBLIC. What are your job duties, and how are they possible with a social phobia? You must meet plenty of people there. Maybe you just THINK you want relationships -- or that you SHOULD want relationships -- or you fear finding yourself alone when you're older -- but you don't right now.
I just turned 24. Throughout my entire life I never had friends. I'm not kidding.
I never experienced being invited to someone's house, a birthday party, the mall, movies, etc.
I never hung out with anyone outside of school.
I've met various people in school and at work, but our relationship never goes beyond its context.
When school or work is over, the relationship is over.
Personally, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with having no friends outside of school and work. There is so much you can do with your time, so many hobbies you can have and so many things you can accomplish. That is much more exciting than spending hours at the pub or whatever else you might do to socialize.
If you don't have any friends, so what? It's much ado about nothing. Just get busy and do stuff. You will inevitably meet new people and possibly make new friends anyway.
What Facebook groups meet in person? I hadn't been particularly aware of Facebook groups which meet in person. Or do you mean make overtures of friendliness to persons who post in Facebook special interest groups like the groups focusing on a famous painter or jazz, etc.
I'm, of course, aware of Meet-Up groups which meet in person.
Not saying there are not Facebook groups which meet in person - just need some examples.
Maybe you mean a community Facebook page, for example, which recruits residents of a city or area, for environmental cleanups? (just an example)
Well, our Dance Hall has a FB group. Lots of members who go every Thursday to dance. I'm not on FB but I've also seen other groups like archery, kayaking, etc. Explore and see, you should find a lot of groups on Facebook. May have to search your area though.
I am just learning of Meet-up but I'm in Louisiana and I don't see any groups here. I may be wrong, I need to look at that again tonight.
You can also google camping forums, stuff like that and join that group. Campers meet in certain areas all over the US. Just think of something you've always wanted to do. Go for it.
You work...WITH THE PUBLIC. What are your job duties, and how are they possible with a social phobia? You must meet plenty of people there. Maybe you just THINK you want relationships -- or that you SHOULD want relationships -- or you fear finding yourself alone when you're older -- but you don't right now.
And that's okay.
This.
Also, OP we helped you out in many of your previous threads on this issue, Guy.
Personally, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with having no friends outside of school and work. There is so much you can do with your time, so many hobbies you can have and so many things you can accomplish. That is much more exciting than spending hours at the pub or whatever else you might do to socialize.
If you don't have any friends, so what? It's much ado about nothing. Just get busy and do stuff. You will inevitably meet new people and possibly make new friends anyway.
You really think this is the same kind of thing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019
I just turned 24. Throughout my entire life I never had friends. I'm not kidding.
I never experienced being invited to someone's house, a birthday party, the mall, movies, etc.
This thread struck a cord with me. As a only child did have my nereb y cousins but was always a lonewr other then to say I had two friends who were Me Myself and I. Looking back I was always the quiet one. In HS dated a girl who broke up with a boyfriend then DUMPED me going back to him. Since then I have always been #1 while NEVER #2 thru my Adult yrs. Rercall one girl telling me that I was a Nice guy but she would never date me (she was short and fat). Never bothered me as later in ;life wou;d have younger girlfriends whose parents were younger then me. Never had [problems with a 30yr age difference so my advice would be....GO FOR IT. You would be surprised that age is just a number and a person has to use what they have or end up losing it.
How can you be lonely if you do not know it any other way? How can you miss having someone if you never had anyone?
An interesting chicken-vs-egg question. Being someone like that...so to speak...might have a few thoughts.
As an only child, I was self-entertaining. Had a stable home, but by nature or nurture was a self-reliant kid within boundaries. I never missed a meal and mostly did my duty as a good son. Not a great son, but average enough. My dad was authoritarian but fair, which I puzzled out by about age 10. My mom was out to lunch.
Had friends but didn't process like other boys in my head, that's for sure. In the '70s they just used a bigger hammer if you didn't fit in. I found it irritating then, and hope the educational system is improved forty some-odd years later.
Like OP, I was uncomfortable to be "different" but found my way in college, STEM. By his or her age I was two years into a professional career, living on my own. Hiding in the basement and playing video games, while tempting, was a loser's path then and now so I chose to make something of a career: I was raised to take responsibility for my outcomes. I think the difference, the key, is figuring out by a certain age the following:
Observation: I am often alone.
Question: do I like this, or not?
If no: plenty of steps to remedy that beyond scope of a quick reply. Trial and error being one of many methods, educated and purposeful steps via training is the most efficient.
If yes: have I explored fully the "if no" scenarios above? I mean really put in the effort?
If still yes: try living alone or with few/close friends and family only. Forget about "partners;" nothing alienates life partners more than a loner under the same roof. That usually lasts a few months before they figure it out, max.
Satisfied? Y/No. If No, back a couple steps. If Y, continue until further notice. Re-loop a few times.
A bit flipped when I was about 40: the answer was always "Yes" in every situation. All of them: not some, not most. With that knowledge came acceptance, and then then self-actualization which leads to true contentment in life.
Hope that tracks for you. Knowing HOW to do something, and exploring it thoroughly, is a key to knowing IF you want any part of it...in this case.
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