Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a sister who is 16 months younger than I am. I hardly remember her as a "baby" at all. She was just this person who my parents brought home after my mother gave birth.
When she came home, I was interested in her, however, I had ZERO maternal feelings. I still bo not. I was a baby when she was a baby. We were babies together.
I never really felt protective of her, as a mother was. She was a sibling who was born when I myself was still a baby. Why would I feel maternal towards her? I do not.
We did not speak for a while because she can be critical and abrasive. We lost touch for about 5 years. Now, we are in contact.
It is hard to have a normal conversation with Liz. She calls our parents "Mommy and Daddy".I stopped using those terms when I was ten. I think it is strange. In the North East, where we are from, it is NOT the norm for anyone over nine or ten to reference their parents as "mommy and daddy". It's just weird, and childish.
So my sister is an executive at a major makeup and beauty store. Sephora in Manhattan, NY. She gets many samples, products and other merch from Sephora. She decided to begin to send me things about two years ago. Mainly she would send me Sephora products. Actually, I can not think of many gifts that were not from her store.
The is a manager of the fragrance portion of Sephora, and sends me, my husband and kids fragrances. LOTS of FRAGRANCES. More than I can use in 20 years. I never, ever tell her what to give me. I don't write Christmas Lists. That is for children and parents, not sisters. Also, not all of her cosmetic gifts are hits. I am not a big perfume person. I like light fragrances and that's it.
My husband wears a particular fragrance and is stuck on it.I have told her that. My son really doesn't wear fragrances. His girl friend doesn't like them. Yet, she persists i sending him fragrances as gifts.
She is cheap. So she loves to give things that are either free for her or discounted.
She also buys clothes at discount places. My personal feeling is that if you are shopping for presents for others, they should be things that the recipient likes. Not the giver.
Honestly, I like about half of what she sends me. I am not much of a perfume person.
I have NEVER EVER told her that I do not like certain things. I just say thankyou.
When I reciprocate, she is not so kind. She is not at all shy about telling me that she doesn't like or use presents that I have sent her.
She requested that I only send her Whole Foods gift certificates.
I did that once. Then I felt used, I have never told her what I wanted as a gift. I have never requested any particular gift or product.
I started to think about it and became upset. I do not tell her what I want. She isn't Santa Clause. Neither am I.
So, I finally told her that I was not giving any food gift cards. After all, I do not request anything specific from her. I said that for Christmas I would give her a gift box. I do not want "orders" for specific items. Again, I have never done that with her - or with anyone else.
She freaked out and told me that I was being mean. And more.
Am I wrong? Should I just give her what she wants? I feel that her request was demanding and slightly abusive.
I am sending her Christmas gifts, but I am not Santa Clause. I am also not her parent.
My sister is very obsessed with her "cuteness" and wants everyone, to treat her like a child. I am just not into it.
I wish my family would tell me what they need/want for gifts. It'd be nice to know I was giving something that'd be useful and wanted rather than playing a guessing game.
She requested that I only send her Whole Foods gift certificates.
I did that once. Then I felt used, I have never told her what I wanted as a gift. I have never requested any particular gift or product.
I started to think about it and became upset. I do not tell her what I want. She isn't Santa Clause. Neither am I.
So, I finally told her that I was not giving any food gift cards. After all, I do not request anything specific from her. I said that for Christmas I would give her a gift box. I do not want "orders" for specific items. Again, I have never done that with her - or with anyone else.
She freaked out and told me that I was being mean. And more.
Am I wrong? Should I just give her what she wants? I feel that her request was demanding and slightly abusive.
I am sending her Christmas gifts, but I am not Santa Clause. I am also not her parent.
My sister is very obsessed with her "cuteness" and wants everyone, to treat her like a child. I am just not into it.
Any advice?
Wow. She's obviously confused about what a gift is. You are in no way, shape or form wrong. It is completely on her end. I wouldn't give her anything. I would hate the way she would react to my gift (the one that you plan to give her, not what she demands from you)--probably throw it in the trash like a piece of garbage, something someone else could use. One reaction that like (to what you said about not giving her anymore gift cards), I would be done. I would seriously advise that you do the same.
Give what you would have spent on her to a local charity, like a food pantry or an organization that helps children. And if you do not like what she gives you, it's okay--afterall, it's a gift; mainly it's the thought that counts. That may sound trite and cliche but that is factual. Give her gift away if you do not like it; I've done that countless times and have encouraged others to do the same if they do not like my gift.
I would just plead with you to not give her anything. She obviously does not need anything and will disrespect your generosity when you do. So please, please, please for all that is still good in the world do not give her anymore gifts.
Dear sister. We are adults now. I think it is time to end the gift exchanges. Going forward we are no longer participating in a gift exchange.
You don't seem to like your sister so it shouldn't be difficult to do this.
This! I did that many years ago.
I would add that you appreciate that she sends all the FREE samples but you only actually use x and y and z and maybe someone else would have more use of the other items.
I don't see the big problem with letting your sister know what you like. It seems contrarian to, on one hand, complain about what she gifts you, but on the other hand, expect her to somehow read your mind and send you something you'd actually like.
And NOT giving the gift card that she specifically requested just seems kind of mean.
Since you're both clearly at odds over it, maybe just suggest that you both skip the gift giving.
Sounds like there is a lot of resentment that is boiling over into gift giving.
If she wants a Whole Foods gift card, that's super easy. Why begrudge that?
You said you like 50% of her gifts to you and your family. Donate the other 50% and have no expectations at all and you will be home free.
It seems like you want life to be fair, and it isn't - and also a lot of people are nightmares to deal with. I would go with the easy gift to her and just let go, or if you cannot get into the spirit, just pass on all gifts and life goes on.
And you want to control what you give her, rather than give her the Whole Foods gift card she wants.
In my family? We totally make wish lists! We are all very different people with very different tastes and personalities. None of our tastes overlap AT ALL. So we solve this by making wishlists and shopping off each other's wishlists so everyone gets things they actually like under the tree at Christmas, rather than surprises the giver likes that just waste money and are given to Goodwill the following day because the recipient has no use for them (like all your unwanted perfume.)
So what I would do? I would abandon the idea that gifts need to be surprises. I would tell your sister, here is what I would love for you to get me for Christmas. If she usually gets things for your children, have them make wishlists on Amazon or somewhere and send her the link.
If your sister listens to you and changes her gifting ways, then keep respecting her feelings about wanting that Whole Foods gift card. If she keeps giving you perfume you don't want and can't use even after you've asked her for something specific, I'd stop doing the gift card and do whatever you want. Then you can both donate your presents to goodwill on the 26th, LOL.
And you want to control what you give her, rather than give her the Whole Foods gift card she wants.
In my family? We totally make wish lists! We are all very different people with very different tastes and personalities. None of our tastes overlap AT ALL. So we solve this by making wishlists and shopping off each other's wishlists so everyone gets things they actually like under the tree at Christmas, rather than surprises the giver likes that just waste money and are given to Goodwill the following day because the recipient has no use for them (like all your unwanted perfume.)
So what I would do? I would abandon the idea that gifts need to be surprises. I would tell your sister, here is what I would love for you to get me for Christmas. If she usually gets things for your children, have them make wishlists on Amazon or somewhere and send her the link.
If your sister listens to you and changes her gifting ways, then keep respecting her feelings about wanting that Whole Foods gift card. If she keeps giving you perfume you don't want and can't use even after you've asked her for something specific, I'd stop doing the gift card and do whatever you want. Then you can both donate your presents to goodwill on the 26th, LOL.
THIS- I have no idea why the OP does not want to give her sister any idea of what she likes, but also is picky about whether the item is discounted or from her own workplace. Sephora is a big store. It carries skincare, hair care, and other items that could presumably be useful for people in the family. They have products for men for haircare, shaving, and skin issues.
I also have no idea what is wrong with going to a discount store. I mean, if there is an item from TJ Maxx or Old Navy that could be useful, what is wrong with buying items there?
In my family, we usually try to get people items they will like. This time I bought my nephew an item on sale for Black Friday. I asked my sister if they’d like it because I didn’t want to get a duplicate of something they had already and she was the one who originally found it discounted. It was not available at that store but I was able to get it from another store.
Dear sister. We are adults now. I think it is time to end the gift exchanges. Going forward we are no longer participating in a gift exchange.
Send this to her as many times as it takes to get it through her head. Or, when she sends you her "wish/demand list", send her a list of things you'd like. If she doesn't respect your request and buys something else, then you'll know where you stand. I know you've seen my vent in the other thread, so I don't recommend you send a list of what everyone in the family would like unless she asks.
I like Basiliximab's idea of stopping the exchange and donating to charity. I'd even go so far as to say something like, "since you've been disappointed in my gifts in the past, I've decided to give that money to the less fortunate. Please do the same with what you'd have spent on me."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
