Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Happy to say I don't hesitate to get rid of most things I don't use. My wife is another story, in her mind, there is always the "but our kids made need one of these some day" idea that forces us to keep a lot of stuff. Sometimes this is true, we have passed along useful things to our kids, but they are learning to "just say no" to taking things home that "they might need".
Although I have my weak spots too - for example hardware. I have a huge collection of fasteners, screws, nuts, bolts, nails, tacks, hooks, and so on that "I might need for a project one day". Yes it saves me from going to the hardware store from time to time but there is no doubt that I need to purge most of that stuff.
Books are another downfall. I have downsized most of my library but still have hundreds of books that don't get read very often. Hate to part with some of them they are like old friends.
Family memorabilia is just a couple of boxes for me. So that really is not a compulsion.
We are going to retire and downsize in a year and have the same problem. I can get rid of anything, but my wife has the sentimental value problem. It's taken us 6 years to get rid of her mother's stuff after she passed. Our kids have no interest in any of their stuff, even their sports trophies. We have taken 5-6 trips to the local donation center and have more to go. What my wife did do is save one of those plastic bins of stuff that she labeled "throw away after I'm gone" which includes old snapshots.
Why does this make me sad and want to cry? LOL Seriously, for some reason, I have tears in my eyes. Your poor sweet wife.
Not slamming on you at all...I just really feel for your wife.
Sometimes, if I'm in a antique store, there might be old photographs for sale. Just random photos. Different eras, different decades, etc.
I still remember an antique store I was in a few years ago, and I came across a bunch of photos in a bowl. I started going through them, and there were several photos of one man in particular. Looked like from the late 60's early 70's. And I remembered thinking how sad it was, that no one loved this man to hold on to his photos.
Geez, I get ridiculousy sentimental sometimes. LOL
Sometimes, if I'm in a antique store, there might be old photographs for sale. Just random photos. Different eras, different decades, etc.
I still remember an antique store I was in a few years ago, and I came across a bunch of photos in a bowl. I started going through them, and there were several photos of one man in particular. Looked like from the late 60's early 70's. And I remembered thinking how sad it was, that no one loved this man to hold on to his photos.
Geez, I get ridiculousy sentimental sometimes. LOL
Memo to self: Make sure all photographs are labeled with name, date, and place. Kids might be inclined to keep photos if they knew something about the person and place.
Last edited by Lillie767; 12-08-2021 at 08:28 AM..
Sometimes, if I'm in a antique store, there might be old photographs for sale. Just random photos. Different eras, different decades, etc.
I still remember an antique store I was in a few years ago, and I came across a bunch of photos in a bowl. I started going through them, and there were several photos of one man in particular. Looked like from the late 60's early 70's. And I remembered thinking how sad it was, that no one loved this man to hold on to his photos.
Geez, I get ridiculousy sentimental sometimes. LOL
If it helps, remember someone loved him enough to take those pictures when he was alive to feel it. So don’t feel sad, know that he was loved in his lifetime. Eventually, most of us will be forgotten in time. Even people famous in the own time are often slowly forgotten. Except for someone that does genealogy as a hobby, who could quickly recollect something about a great great grandfather? I would have to look at the family tree to remember their names let alone anything about them. And that’s just somebody who was alive not even 100 years ago. And some people, depending on their family history, might not even have the luxury of being able to look up the names. That’s why it’s so important to me to live and live in the here and now.
For each item, ask yourself, "Does it Spark Joy?"
Thank you, Marie Kondo!
You might ask yourself why you're attached to an item.
Is it something you "always wanted" and finally got? Do you really still want it, or do you just have some kind of residual attachment?
Does it remind you of a happy time? Think about what made that time happy. Did this item actually contribute to the happiness? Does it contribute to your current happiness, or does it just trigger a memory? Will the memory be lost or diminished if you get rid of the item?
Weirder, does it just remind you of your childhood, even if that wasn't great?
Do you think maybe you'll use it some day? Will you really? When? Will it still fit or be in style when that day comes?
Books fall into this category; but most of the info is available online now. Kondo suggested tearing out pages with the info you want. Aaauuuggghhh!!! Take a picture instead; that requires less storage space and doesn't turn the book into trash.
Kondo's advice is wonderful for T-shirts, your sneakers, Christmas and Halloween decorations.
Less so, things like books. That she'd recommend "taking a picture" or "tearing a page out" is telling that she isn't a book person, or that her experience with them is limited to cookbooks or the like. The presence of the book, the ability to go back and reference it, to reexperience it, is the purpose in owning it in the first place. If that isn't there, then I give the book away to goodwill or whatnot.
Kondo's advice is wonderful for T-shirts, your sneakers, Christmas and Halloween decorations.
Less so, things like books. That she'd recommend "taking a picture" or "tearing a page out" is telling that she isn't a book person, or that her experience with them is limited to cookbooks or the like. The presence of the book, the ability to go back and reference it, to reexperience it, is the purpose in owning it in the first place. If that isn't there, then I give the book away to goodwill or whatnot.
Three of the 12 plastic bins are books (my goal is to pare that down to two... but now I am thinking of buying a custom, four-foot, handmade bookshelf from a local Amish craftsman and putting the books on it, in the foyer of the in-law suite). But I hear you on books. All of them are something special. I think three are favorite childhood books of mine and a few are favorites of my daughter. I have several books with personalized inscriptions to me. I have a set of novels written by a friend. I have a slew of coffee table books from places I've been to (instead of taking pictures of the scenery and such, I buy a book of professional photos with captions. I only take pictures of the people I am with). I would be hard pressed to rip out the inscription to save it and such.
It’s a very real thing. After my mother died there were a couple of things that I absolutely did not want. I had no need for them. But for some reason I had to know where they went. My mother had a large round board, we always called it a pie board, she inherited it from her mother — it’s where we rolled out cookies and pie crusts. My grandmother got it from her mother. This thing was old. My aunt got it, it’s going to go to her daughter. There was some thing else I can’t remember now what it is, but I was comforted by the fact that I knew where those items were in ways that nothing else could comfort me. My mother gave my niece her smoky topaz ring years before she died. She wore it to my mom’s funeral. It made me so happy to see it, and my niece wore it a lot, which made me even happier. It’s like a little bit of my mom still goes on.
Grief brain is a very weird place to be.
My husband died about 2 1/2 years ago, and he was quite literally a class one hoarder. Hoarding has different stages, he was well on his way to be coming to class two! And, it took me two years to get the house cleared. It took four large trucks from one 800 got junk to clear the garage which was totally packed to the brim.
I realize my issue is different from your issue, I was absolutely not emotionally attached to most of the stuff. I donated what I could donate, I tossed the trash, and I sold off what had value. And basically I felt it was a way to honor him by putting out there his treasures for someone else to find. Because he really loved to hunt more than anything. It was his favorite thing to do to go to thrift stores and antique fairs and estate sales to look for treasures.
As for the trash — that’s the thing with hoarding, when you think everything has value, when something actually does have value you don’t treat it very well. What I have left of my husbands was not only a value to him, they are things that I have feelings about.
The feelings are attached to good memories which is why you’re probably having a hard time getting rid of the old toys. But they are simply things. I would suggest that you maybe at Christmas or Easter use them as decoration. Put them to use. That way you don’t have a guilt factor of keeping something that’s useless. My husband and I loved old mechanical toys, a they are decor in my house. And now that I don’t have stuff piled everywhere, they’re actually clean and I play with them.
I understand the theory behind taking a photo of something especially because now a photo can be kept on your phone, kept in the cloud and all you have to do is look at it, but I always think that memories live on in the mind. My husband used to say that he felt bad for the kids today because everything was photographed and videoed. Every moment of a kids life is saved. But memories don’t exactly work that way.
My husband used to talk about the time that he hit the home run that saved the baseball game. And he said if that had been filmed, he’s not sure that the filmed evidence would ever be as great as the reality that he’s created in his mind. So exactly what you’re doing is you were holding onto a physical reminder of a time from long ago. Where you were really happy. And when you look at those things you feel that happiness. That’s not a bad thing. But you can actually think about those things and have that same feeling.
One of the things I think about human nature is that we seem to have an all or nothing attitude about everything. There really is middle ground. You can have middle ground where are you keep some and throw others away — you could make that box smaller by keeping the best of the toys and getting rid of the ones that are degraded and kind of nasty and you know there’s probably one or two in there that are. My sister kind of thinks I’m insane because I’m trying to move cross country. I am not taking a great deal of stuff, but I am taking my dresser which I love and I’m taking my bed which I love. Their attitude as I can buy new. I can but I can’t buy this bed. I have an emotional attachment to my bed. I spent a great deal of money on this bed. They think that’s insane. And she thinks I’m just gonna go to a store and say I need a sofa, and I need a dining room set and I need some chairs and I need this and a coffee table I’m done. I can’t imagine not contemplating every piece that comes into my house.
Understand I have lived with a hoarder for a very long time — he probably hoarded for 25 years. I had to live with good enough or this will do for a very long time. Believe it or not I’m better than good enough. I’ve had it with good enough. Every piece that comes into my house is going to be something I love. Because I deserve that.
If your mom is still alive I would ask her about the memorabilia and photos (what happened) in case you are making an assumption that is inaccurate. So many of our impressions can turn out to be wrong. None of us are mind readers. If it is true it might be healthy to confront her about it.
She died in 1978, so no, I can't ask her. I just know that when I helped clear out her things when she died, nothing of mine was there.
Why does this make me sad and want to cry? LOL Seriously, for some reason, I have tears in my eyes. Your poor sweet wife.
Not slamming on you at all...I just really feel for your wife.
The deceased person’s stuff is not the dead the person. I know people who won’t let go of a parent’s car. That is insane to me. Maybe keep their favorite book or maybe an unused cigar. Is old my mothers car before the next loan payment was due. I had no emotional attachment to a car. Keep the pictures and some memories. I do have a small tub of my mothers stuff, her calligraphy set, the crossword puzzle book I brought to her in the hospital she died in, the small bag of her personal effects the hospital had when she died. And in 15 years, I am still unable to go though it without braking down. So i leave it for another year. It is pretty sick if you ask me. One day I will get rid of it. When I die, I am sure my kids will dump it since they never met her.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Solly says — Be nice!
