How do you cope with worry? (attractive, anxiety, husband, parent)

[Thoreau424]

See worry as a choice, then choose not to waste time and energy with it.

I've never seen worry solve a single thing, but it has certainly left a wide trail of waste and misery.

[Threestep2]

If memory does not fail me this is not OP's first thread about procedures necessary versus unnecessary in her opinion.

[Jill_Schramm]

Originally Posted by NoMansLands

I avoid doctors like the plague, actually. But if I had a situation that I couldn't avoid fixing, like your cateracts, I'd "bite the bullet" so to speak and do what needs to be done. I don't like trusting doctors, but guess what, we have to! We are not smarter/more educated than they are in their studied fields. It causes distress to have to blindly trust, but after a few different doctors telling you the same thing, you have to trust the consensus.
I went to a few different periodontists to try to save some teeth that had bone loss. 3 different ones. Consensus--the teeth had to come out. It took me until I had a bad painful abcess and 3 rounds of antibiotics to finally relinquish control. It's not that I don't understand your reluctance in this. Like I said in my last post, just get it done and over with.

Actually, we can be smarter than doctors sometimes, sadly.

Also, one of the extremely stressful aspects of this whole cataract journey is that I did not have multiple doctors all telling me the same thing, I had, in order, from July to the present.

1. My retinal surgeon telling me that I had a cataract in my right eye.
2. My optometrist telling me that I didn’t have operable cataracts in either eye (I.e. my retinal surgeon was wrong).
3. A cataract surgeon telling me that I had operable cataracts in both eyes, but that the one in my good eye was actually worse and more in need of removal than the one in my bad eye!!! Yes, they wanted to do surgery on my good eye and they were pretty pushy about it too!!!!
4. A second cataract surgeon telling me I didn’t have a cataract in either eye.
5. A third cataract surgeon telling me that I did have a cataract in my right eye, but it was a very rare kind that was essentially invisible? I was kind of hopeful with him, but then he continued on to spout total nonsense about aftercare eyedrops. Him: “If you use NSAID eyedrops instead of corticosteroid eyedrops, you are 100% certain to go blind in your operated eye.” Me: “But there are all these studies comparing NSAID only to corticosteroid only. And the differences do t seem that stark to me at all. And I hardly think every single person in the NSAID arm went blind. Are you saying that all these subjects went blind and the researchers completely fabricated their data?” Him: “Yes, they made everything up.” Ok, yeah I know there is corruption in medical research, but I am 100% sure that all the patients in the NSAID arm in like 6 different studies at 6 different institutions all went blind and all the researchers lied about it, but ….anyway.
6. A fourth cataract surgeon who cancelled my appointment and dismissed me as a patient even before I saw him because I asked too many questions and wasn’t trusting enough.
7. A fifth cataract surgeon, who finally said, yes, I have a cataract in my right eye only, that he can fix it, that he prescribes both NSAIDS and corticosteroids. I am happy that finally I have found someone I can trust … and then as soon as I see the surgery coordinator, I realize that this place also has its issues. But I am done with the hunt and just going with them.

Besides, my problem is not with the diagnosis, it is with the required physical and it is clear that this last cataract surgeon is NOT following consensus on this.

Also, I did have consensus on my failed bowel surgery. It turns out they were ALL wrong. The surgery did not have good science and studies to back it up and I would have known that if I had actually read the medical journals myself instead of listening to the three or four specialists who all told me the surgery was a no-brainer and who were, again, ALL wrong. (BTW, they have since then changed the standard of care and are no longer recommending this surgery … so it wasn’t like I was a special case. They really were all wrong).

[Basiliximab]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

Besides, my problem is not with the diagnosis, it is with the required physical and it is clear that this last cataract surgeon is NOT following consensus on this.

What about doing the physical and then seeing what the results are? If they're anything like what you're fearing, then you can refuse to go with their recommendations then. (I wouldn't go along with a heart catheterization based on one positive test either; sounds like it could do more harm than good with your medical and family history).

I'm sorry to hear you have to go through all that with a physical too. My mom had to do some kind of physical for the cataract surgery but it didn't involve anything more than an office visit (maybe they did some sort of minor blood draw there, but she didn't have to do anything extensive); it sounds like this optometrist has some sort of lame policy in place that makes you go through all that. That's too bad.

Keep us updated. Hope everything will work out okay for you!

[aquietpath]

In situations that are worrisome and a solution not readily apparent, I turn it over to God. He has never failed to provide the perfect solution.

[NoMansLands]

Good news!
Your eye doctors can't even agree on whether you have cateracts nor which eyes have them.
What does that tell you?
I'm no doctor, I didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn last night but...your cateracts, if they are starting at all, must be so slight that these ophthamologists can't even agree. What does that mean? It means no cateract surgery is necessary at this time. Cateracts are obvious once they reach 30% or so of eye coverage, a friend has this amount of coverage and it is obvious which eye has had the cateract removed and which eye hasn't. You can see it with the naked eye just looking at him. His ophthamologist told him that he can wait awhile longer, 1-3 years, because it isn't impairing his vision at this point, only very minimally.
If they can't agree it's because they are too slight to measure and they aren't even sure those cateracts exist yet. Why do you think you need cateract surgery in the first place if your cateracts are that small, perhaps even non-existant?
If it was me...I wouldn't even bother at this point, I'd drop the entire issue.

[Forever Blue]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

What are your favorite tricks/methods for dealing with worry?

The only things I recall really worrying about in my life were fiances from time to time, my parents' health condition at the time (although they're overal healthy), & the rare college/grad school stuff back in the day.

I PRAY TO GOD. He's always blessed me, opened a window when the doors closed, gotten me out of financially hairy situations, etc., so I don't really fret.

I'm worried about money nowadays too & it was looking really bleak in Sept/Oct, but it's looking a tad better nowadays.

[bpollen]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

What are your favorite tricks/methods for dealing with worry?

I worry. I can't help it. It's part of the planning-for-future-events thing I have. I'm a planner, which involves worrying about things that might disrupt my plans. People who don't worry...I think they're not overly focused on the future. For instance, I worry about my health sometimes. I'm very healthy, despite being in my 60s. My future happiness relies in large part on staying healthy, so I worry I'll get cancer or something serious. So...I act on that worry and do what I reasonably can to protect myself against cancer, altho there are no guarantees.

I worry because there's no one else to worry about me or for me. Or to help ease the problems caused by things I didn't prevent.

[LandAndSea]

I've made a practice of writing down every single one of my worries and fears, so that I am consciously aware of what issues I am facing. I also prioritize them as some worries or fears have (potentially) bigger impact than others.

You can then add action steps to each of them for what you could possibly do to handle each worry (or fear). Is there something you can do to "fix" the issue or at least lessen the severity? I try and think outside the box here as well. Some of the actions one could take may be drastic, such as moving, or changing jobs. You could even run "scenarios" of making drastic changes, such as creating a moving plan or applying to jobs and even go so far as interviewing. You could even write a post-action result, meaning you took whatever action, and now I am free of this worry (or fear). Listing PROs/CONs of these choices may help as well. You don't actually have to take action, but knowing that you can is empowering.

This helps me because I see what is in front of me. If you can at least know what your worries and fears are, along with at least some actions you can take, I think it is a good step forward in managing them. I think this practice gives me at least some sense of control over the worry or fear.

I review the list every week or so, and I found that most often, the worries or fears disappear by themselves, due to whatever circumstance. I then move this worry or fear to "Resolved" at the bottom of the note.

At least I know I have the power to invoke change if I see fit.

[bobspez]

You are worried because you don't have the confidence to make your own decisions and the assertiveness not to be pushed into doing things you don't want to do. My GP makes suggestions but doesn't insist when I turn them down. I agreed to all three covid jabs but have never had a flu or shingles shot. I have congestive heart failure but refused to take a nuclear stress test. I did agree to an echocardiogram because it made sense to me. It actually showed that after 5 years of medication my heart function has improved significantly. I wouldn't have a doctor that tried to push me around. We are collaborators but I have the last word.

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

Right now for me it is situation specific.

You know the famous serenity prayer? “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot; the courage to change those I can and the wisdom to know the difference?” Right now I am stuck on the “wisdom to know the difference.”

Long story short, I am seeing a cataract surgeon who is insisting that I get a totally unnecessary and perhaps harmful pre-procedure physical. The procedure to remove a cataract takes about 10 minutes and invokes sedation, not general anesthesia. There is no reason whatsoever why a healthy 50+ year old needs a physical to know if she can tolerate it. (Beside, even if I couldn’t tolerate it for some reason, that is not likely to show up in a physical.) In fact all the professional ophthalmology organizations in the US recommend against such pre-procedure physicals. Pre-procedure physical started way way back in the 1950’s or even earlier when having cataracts removed was much more of a big deal than it has become. So, over the years the procedure has become much faster and safer, but old school doctors are still stuck with their 1950’s, 1960’s protocols.

So I am worried about seeing my PCP, particularly since I think it will only give me problems. I am adamantly opposed to over-testing and over-treatment. Since I haven’t seen my PCP in over two years, he is going to insist on a bunch of stuff that I don’t want to have done. We will have our argument, then hopefully he won’t do the stuff, but now I am worried that he is going to hold my (really unnecessry) pre-op physical papers hostage until I do whatever else he wants me to do.

I am worried that he will insist I go back to my electrophysiologist for the nuclear stress test said EP has frustratingly insisted I have and has written to my PCP about, although I do not need one. In fact, I regret ever having gone to a specialist for my palpitations. They turned out to be benign (not afib) and besides I figure out how to get rid of them on my own without medication. Yet, although I no longer have any cardiac symptoms, have normal blood pressure, have a low fat diet, have no heart disease in my family (even my obese aunt who only eats at McDonald’s doesn’t have heart disease, no one in large family has ever had a heart attack), run (not jog, but run 5x a week with no issues), and am slim (BMI 19), and still young (mid-50s) he is still absolutely insisting I get a nuclear stress test. When I pressed him on the matter, he admitted that it was “extremely unlikely” that I had coronary artery disease (any blockages), but I still needed to take this test. Why? I supposedly “need” it as a baseline for any future problems. So long story short, I absolutely do NOT need the test and he is full of *****. And yet, he has written to my PCP about this (or at least he threatened to sayings beg that I am neglecting my health).

Also, when I talked to the nurse about the nuclear stress test she told me that if it is positive, they will recommend an coronary catheterization with stenting if they find any blockages. This terrifies the ***** out of me because there is a huge false positive rate for stress tests (particularly high for women). I think the false positive rate is 40% or something like that. I mentioned that and she said that it was no problem is I had a false positive because they could just do the Catheterization which is a safe procedure. But I absolutely do not want the test in the first place, much less invasive heart procure for a false positive, much less an invasive heart procedure where they might stick hardware that I do not need in my arteries (the nurse went on to talk about possible stenting)

I guess I am really worried about it because I have already had a very bad experience with unnecessary before/overtreatment. I had recurrent diverticulitis and a bunch of GIs insisted that I needed to have some of my colon surgically removed to prevent it. I resisted for five years, but eventually agreed. I was told by the surgeon that the operation was going to be no big deal, laparoscopic, a quick 45 minute procedure. Well, NOT! I woke up 4 hours later. When the surgeon went in he said it looked “pretty messy,” so on the spot they decided to do a full open surgery and take out over a foot of my colon. Thankfully they stitched me back up, but their intervention which was supposed to be 99% effective, was NOT effective. The diverticulitis attack I had a few months after the surgery was the worst that I had ever had. A couple of years later, and after having been in and out of the hospital several more times with severe acute diverticulitis, I was told by my doctors and surgeons that they just didn’t know what was wrong with me and they weren’t going to see me anymore. Left to my own devices, I eventually tried probiotics, and miracle — probiotics completely solved my problem!

So, I am worried that this stupidly unnecessary pre-procedure physical will spiral down a similar stressful, time-wasting, health-jeopardizing rabbit hole.

I guess I could always find another cataract surgeon, but he is my 4th … the other 3 were unacceptable for a variety of other reasons. I am so so so so weary and do not want to set up a new patient appointment with a 5th cataract surgeon.

That is what I am worried/stressed about.

Do I ask for serenity to accept what I cannot change? Do I just go along with whatever my doctors say and if I go down a horrible rabbit hole just accept it?

Or do I ask for courage to change what I can change? Do I push back? But where’s the line? When do I start pushing back? Do I go on to my 5th cataract surgeon and risk everyone’s patience (I need people to drive me there and back) and let my rapidly progressive cataract progress further? Do I call the office and ask them why they are insisting on a physical that every professional ophthalmology organization is saying is unnecessary? If I do that, will they fire me as a patient? (I was fired by one ophthalmologist already for asking too many questions). Do I go to the physical and if my PCP refuses to sign off unless I do things I don’t want to do, then call the ophthalmologist’s office and ask if this is truly necessary?