How do you cope with worry? (emotion, weight, relationship, anxiety)

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

What are your favorite tricks/methods for dealing with worry?

Fly to Iraq, Afghanistan or Syria for a weekend

P.S. sorry, couldn’t resist.

I read that you have health exam worry.
My advice: don’t. Follow your gut.
Our healthcare treats us - the patients- as “meat” - and a source of profits.
You are the customer - you decide what to buy and what not in our for-profit healthcare.
Get a second opinion or another doc.

I had to switched once - as I was not getting better - but worse - as the treatments I was prescribed by my ophthalmologist’s practice partner in an emergency- was “outdated by 20 years” and dangerous- according to my new ophthalmologist in another practice.
You know how I got better? And fast? - my new ophthalmologist told me to just stop the treatment.

It was crazy expensive medicine - the insurance company had to make an exception and negotiate with the provider in order to pay for it and the treating doctor made me come every other day!

Another upsetting thing was that my regular ophthalmologist I visited for many years before this emergency - never even checked on me or treatments prescribed by the partner

[L00k4ward]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

Actually, we can be smarter than doctors sometimes, sadly.

Also, one of the extremely stressful aspects of this whole cataract journey is that I did not have multiple doctors all telling me the same thing, I had, in order, from July to the present.

1. My retinal surgeon telling me that I had a cataract in my right eye.
2. My optometrist telling me that I didn’t have operable cataracts in either eye (I.e. my retinal surgeon was wrong).
3. A cataract surgeon telling me that I had operable cataracts in both eyes, but that the one in my good eye was actually worse and more in need of removal than the one in my bad eye!!! Yes, they wanted to do surgery on my good eye and they were pretty pushy about it too!!!!
4. A second cataract surgeon telling me I didn’t have a cataract in either eye.
5. A third cataract surgeon telling me that I did have a cataract in my right eye, but it was a very rare kind that was essentially invisible? I was kind of hopeful with him, but then he continued on to spout total nonsense about aftercare eyedrops. Him: “If you use NSAID eyedrops instead of corticosteroid eyedrops, you are 100% certain to go blind in your operated eye.” Me: “But there are all these studies comparing NSAID only to corticosteroid only. And the differences do t seem that stark to me at all. And I hardly think every single person in the NSAID arm went blind. Are you saying that all these subjects went blind and the researchers completely fabricated their data?” Him: “Yes, they made everything up.” Ok, yeah I know there is corruption in medical research, but I am 100% sure that all the patients in the NSAID arm in like 6 different studies at 6 different institutions all went blind and all the researchers lied about it, but ….anyway.
6. A fourth cataract surgeon who cancelled my appointment and dismissed me as a patient even before I saw him because I asked too many questions and wasn’t trusting enough.
7. A fifth cataract surgeon, who finally said, yes, I have a cataract in my right eye only, that he can fix it, that he prescribes both NSAIDS and corticosteroids. I am happy that finally I have found someone I can trust … and then as soon as I see the surgery coordinator, I realize that this place also has its issues. But I am done with the hunt and just going with them.

Besides, my problem is not with the diagnosis, it is with the required physical and it is clear that this last cataract surgeon is NOT following consensus on this.

Also, I did have consensus on my failed bowel surgery. It turns out they were ALL wrong. The surgery did not have good science and studies to back it up and I would have known that if I had actually read the medical journals myself instead of listening to the three or four specialists who all told me the surgery was a no-brainer and who were, again, ALL wrong. (BTW, they have since then changed the standard of care and are no longer recommending this surgery … so it wasn’t like I was a special case. They really were all wrong).

Our healthcare is scary..

[CarolinaMoon1]

I'm a big worrier and have trouble letting go of things in part because I don't trust my own judgment, and in part because I can always come up with an as-yet unimagined scenario that I feel I HAVE to be prepared for. Sometimes entirely outlandish unimagined scenarios, especially when I conjure them up during a night of insomnia.

The coping strategies that work best for me are:

1. An approach to decision-making that I actually learned from my veterinarian when I was equivocating all over the place trying to choose the best treatment strategy for my dog who had been diagnosed with cancer. He went through the options many times with me (and all my internet googled information) and with great kindness ultimately said, "You know, you just have to make the best choice you can, and then get behind it. It's not fair to you or to her to question your decision once you've done the best you can." Sometimes if new information comes to light, I might reconsider, but I try not to do so without a really good reason.

2. Talk it over with a wise and trustworthy friend who is willing to give advice and be reassuring. Not someone who will be hands off and not willing to share their opinion. But of course, not someone who will try to browbeat me into an option. (They wouldn't be a friend of mine anyway ...) I've found that reassurance from a wise friend that my choice is reasonable is so valuable, or their helping me to decide between a number of options.

3. Talk it over with someone who knows how to tap into the humor in the situation. Not every friend can do this, but I have a couple who will have the serious part of the discussion with me, and give me lots of support ... and then gently inject a funny potential scenario that will make both of us giggle. I wish an example were coming to mind now ... but I imagine you all have experienced the relief in being able to laugh at a situation that has been worrying or scaring you. I've found that trying to find the humor in a given situation on my own does not work. My anxious self is humorless without a partner in crime!

[john3232]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

Right now for me it is situation specific.

You know the famous serenity prayer? “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot; the courage to change those I can and the wisdom to know the difference?” Right now I am stuck on the “wisdom to know the difference.”

Long story short, I am seeing a cataract surgeon who is insisting that I get a totally unnecessary and perhaps harmful pre-procedure physical. The procedure to remove a cataract takes about 10 minutes and invokes sedation, not general anesthesia. There is no reason whatsoever why a healthy 50+ year old needs a physical to know if she can tolerate it. (Beside, even if I couldn’t tolerate it for some reason, that is not likely to show up in a physical.) In fact all the professional ophthalmology organizations in the US recommend against such pre-procedure physicals. Pre-procedure physical started way way back in the 1950’s or even earlier when having cataracts removed was much more of a big deal than it has become. So, over the years the procedure has become much faster and safer, but old school doctors are still stuck with their 1950’s, 1960’s protocols.

So I am worried about seeing my PCP, particularly since I think it will only give me problems. I am adamantly opposed to over-testing and over-treatment. Since I haven’t seen my PCP in over two years, he is going to insist on a bunch of stuff that I don’t want to have done. We will have our argument, then hopefully he won’t do the stuff, but now I am worried that he is going to hold my (really unnecessry) pre-op physical papers hostage until I do whatever else he wants me to do.

I am worried that he will insist I go back to my electrophysiologist for the nuclear stress test said EP has frustratingly insisted I have and has written to my PCP about, although I do not need one. In fact, I regret ever having gone to a specialist for my palpitations. They turned out to be benign (not afib) and besides I figure out how to get rid of them on my own without medication. Yet, although I no longer have any cardiac symptoms, have normal blood pressure, have a low fat diet, have no heart disease in my family (even my obese aunt who only eats at McDonald’s doesn’t have heart disease, no one in large family has ever had a heart attack), run (not jog, but run 5x a week with no issues), and am slim (BMI 19), and still young (mid-50s) he is still absolutely insisting I get a nuclear stress test. When I pressed him on the matter, he admitted that it was “extremely unlikely” that I had coronary artery disease (any blockages), but I still needed to take this test. Why? I supposedly “need” it as a baseline for any future problems. So long story short, I absolutely do NOT need the test and he is full of *****. And yet, he has written to my PCP about this (or at least he threatened to sayings beg that I am neglecting my health).

Also, when I talked to the nurse about the nuclear stress test she told me that if it is positive, they will recommend an coronary catheterization with stenting if they find any blockages. This terrifies the ***** out of me because there is a huge false positive rate for stress tests (particularly high for women). I think the false positive rate is 40% or something like that. I mentioned that and she said that it was no problem is I had a false positive because they could just do the Catheterization which is a safe procedure. But I absolutely do not want the test in the first place, much less invasive heart procure for a false positive, much less an invasive heart procedure where they might stick hardware that I do not need in my arteries (the nurse went on to talk about possible stenting)

I guess I am really worried about it because I have already had a very bad experience with unnecessary before/overtreatment. I had recurrent diverticulitis and a bunch of GIs insisted that I needed to have some of my colon surgically removed to prevent it. I resisted for five years, but eventually agreed. I was told by the surgeon that the operation was going to be no big deal, laparoscopic, a quick 45 minute procedure. Well, NOT! I woke up 4 hours later. When the surgeon went in he said it looked “pretty messy,” so on the spot they decided to do a full open surgery and take out over a foot of my colon. Thankfully they stitched me back up, but their intervention which was supposed to be 99% effective, was NOT effective. The diverticulitis attack I had a few months after the surgery was the worst that I had ever had. A couple of years later, and after having been in and out of the hospital several more times with severe acute diverticulitis, I was told by my doctors and surgeons that they just didn’t know what was wrong with me and they weren’t going to see me anymore. Left to my own devices, I eventually tried probiotics, and miracle — probiotics completely solved my problem!

So, I am worried that this stupidly unnecessary pre-procedure physical will spiral down a similar stressful, time-wasting, health-jeopardizing rabbit hole.

I guess I could always find another cataract surgeon, but he is my 4th … the other 3 were unacceptable for a variety of other reasons. I am so so so so weary and do not want to set up a new patient appointment with a 5th cataract surgeon.

That is what I am worried/stressed about.

Do I ask for serenity to accept what I cannot change? Do I just go along with whatever my doctors say and if I go down a horrible rabbit hole just accept it?

Or do I ask for courage to change what I can change? Do I push back? But where’s the line? When do I start pushing back? Do I go on to my 5th cataract surgeon and risk everyone’s patience (I need people to drive me there and back) and let my rapidly progressive cataract progress further? Do I call the office and ask them why they are insisting on a physical that every professional ophthalmology organization is saying is unnecessary? If I do that, will they fire me as a patient? (I was fired by one ophthalmologist already for asking too many questions). Do I go to the physical and if my PCP refuses to sign off unless I do things I don’t want to do, then call the ophthalmologist’s office and ask if this is truly necessary?

A friend of Bill W. here and familiar with the serenity pray. For me I often don't have enough information (wisdom) to know if I can change what's brothering me or not.

So, the first thing I do is try not to make to the situation worse. (Restraint of pen and tongue.)

Then I start doing the footwork. (the H.P. often helps those who help themselves.)

You wrote: Do I call the office and ask them why they are insisting on a physical that every professional ophthalmology organization is saying is unnecessary? If I do that, will they fire me as a patient?

I suspect much depends on how you ask your questions. Write down your questions. Politely ask to put any medical procedure on hold until you can gather enough info.

Believe me... I get it. You feel stuck and we're taking health so it's nerve-wracking. Again what to do? Don't make the situation worse. Restraint of pen/tongue: be careful how you ask questions. Start to research how or who can help you obtain more info.

You can do this.

[Jill_Schramm]

Originally Posted by john3232

A friend of Bill W. here and familiar with the serenity pray. For me I often don't have enough information (wisdom) to know if I can change what's brothering me or not.

So, the first thing I do is try not to make to the situation worse. (Restraint of pen and tongue.)

Then I start doing the footwork. (the H.P. often helps those who help themselves.)

You wrote: Do I call the office and ask them why they are insisting on a physical that every professional ophthalmology organization is saying is unnecessary? If I do that, will they fire me as a patient?

I suspect much depends on how you ask your questions. Write down your questions. Politely ask to put any medical procedure on hold until you can gather enough info.

Believe me... I get it. You feel stuck and we're taking health so it's nerve-wracking. Again what to do? Don't make the situation worse. Restraint of pen/tongue: be careful how you ask questions. Start to research how or who can help you obtain more info.

You can do this.

Thanks, I really like this response!

I have decided to at least go to my PCP for the physical.

But I have also decided to do something I have never done before.

First, let me say that I don’t have high blood pressure. I test myself at home and I am fine. What I have noticed over the past couple of years though is that when I have my blood pressure taken right before I am to get my cancer scan results and am feeling a little stressed out, it is always a little on the high side. It is normally 120/80 or below, but before the scan results it’s usually 135/85 or something like that. Once when I was incredibly stressed out — to the point of shaking and hyperventilating — it was 157/90.

So, given that I am worried about my PCP not signing the papers/insisting I go back for a nuclear stress test, etc., I am just going to take a small dose of beta blockers before my appointment… and not tell him. Just so I will be calm enough for the blood pressure reading and avoid “white coat hypertension.” I am usually so hyper-honest. I have never essentially lied to a doctor before. But since they are pretty obviously playing a game, I decided I am going to play too. It is making me feel a lot calmer and more in control …

[meekawal]

Take it one step at a time and follow your gut instinct. Just because they are doctors, doesn't mean they are looking out for your benefit. My regular physician was on vacation when I had a problem and went to his assistant. That assistant was a terrible doctor and, by the time I left the office, I thought I was dying of cancer! I went home and took it one step at a time, made an appointment with a specialist, determined what they thought I should do, etc. and made my decision. I will never let a doctor treat me that way again. You are your own advocate.

[Jill_Schramm]

Originally Posted by meekawal

Take it one step at a time and follow your gut instinct. Just because they are doctors, doesn't mean they are looking out for your benefit. My regular physician was on vacation when I had a problem and went to his assistant. That assistant was a terrible doctor and, by the time I left the office, I thought I was dying of cancer! I went home and took it one step at a time, made an appointment with a specialist, determined what they thought I should do, etc. and made my decision. I will never let a doctor treat me that way again. You are your own advocate.

Wow.

I had a similar problem w my PCP. The only reason I still go to him is that he is not a control freak. He lets me opt out of screening, but also has prescribed every medication I have requested (not that many, but still nice to know I can get stuff when I need it).

But he is so: “You have cancer!” When my lipase came back too high on a blood test, he suggested I might have pancreatic cancer. When I went to see him for a boil, he said he though it was a melanoma; when I saw him about a friction sore I kept getting in my genitalia, he thought I had a genital cancer. Of course, the one cancer I did have, he missed completely.

[Threestep2]

Originally Posted by Jill_Schramm

Thanks, I really like this response!

I have decided to at least go to my PCP for the physical.

But I have also decided to do something I have never done before.

First, let me say that I don’t have high blood pressure. I test myself at home and I am fine. What I have noticed over the past couple of years though is that when I have my blood pressure taken right before I am to get my cancer scan results and am feeling a little stressed out, it is always a little on the high side. It is normally 120/80 or below, but before the scan results it’s usually 135/85 or something like that. Once when I was incredibly stressed out — to the point of shaking and hyperventilating — it was 157/90.

So, given that I am worried about my PCP not signing the papers/insisting I go back for a nuclear stress test, etc., I am just going to take a small dose of beta blockers before my appointment… and not tell him. Just so I will be calm enough for the blood pressure reading and avoid “white coat hypertension.” I am usually so hyper-honest. I have never essentially lied to a doctor before. But since they are pretty obviously playing a game, I decided I am going to play too. It is making me feel a lot calmer and more in control …

Great decision, self medicate to adjust results then blame it on someone else if it backfires.

[Tallysmom]

I love my Dr, but he’s getting older and he’s starting to do things by the book, instead of using his brain. It’s OK, I’m moving in about three or four months, God willing, and I’ll be getting a new doctor.

I take an NSAID for my knees which are bone on bone and I have a great deal of pain. I just got put on a blood thinner and he did not want to renew my NSAID. Because NSAIDs and blood thinners don’t play well together. NSAIDs can cause bleeding and increased bleeding when combined with a blood thinner. Perfectly logical. So we talked for a few minutes about this and then I said that when I had hand surgery they didn’t care about my NSAID and I didn’t have to stop it. And right out of his mouth came in the words “well that’s because Lodine doesn’t actually thin your blood.”

We were on a video call and I looked at him and I tilted my head much like a dog and said soooooo… And he smiled and said I will write you a new prescription.

Literally this stuff works so well — it doesn’t get rid of my pain but it allows me to do my workouts and move and not being in screaming pain. The next step up for me if I choose to not get knee replacements which I have to wait until I’m back in Pennsylvania to get, because I am alone here, is opiates. I do not like opiates. I’ve had to take them for surgery, and I get off of them as soon as I can because I do not like them. At first they’re great. At about a weekend I’m done. They make me twitchy. Stomach upsets hyper alertness sleep disturbances. Cannot figure out why people get addicted to this crap.

Jill, if your blood pressure machine, like mine, stores your results, take it with you so you can show them your results and they can scroll back and see that for however many days it stores that your blood pressure is normal. Other than that you can keep a log, but here’s the thing with logs people lie. They might not take that. I now have a cardiologist, and my cardiologist on video calls wanted to see my machine results as I took them. He did not trust anybody.

[Teacher Terry]

I didn’t need a physical before my cataract surgery and I was 64 at the time. I don’t blindly follow doctors either after my mom had some dangerous outcomes.