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Rather than focusing on trying to find good counseling, do the following:
1. Get busy cleaning out your house – you’ve said in other threads that it is full of years of goods, possessions, clutter.
Work on removing all of the unwanted and unneeded possessions, goods, and clutter to prepare for a move – work on it a bit at a time either every other day, or every day, or a couple times per week.
2. Pick some geographic spots and look at housing online in those locations. Keep doing this. When I was 57 and wanted to move from a large midwestern city to a large east coast city for my remaining years of work, I did it ALL online.
I found a dwelling online in the large eastern city and moved.
3. No excuses. Just do the above. Stop telling yourself “I am stuck”.
4. If you do not do the above, then you really just prefer staying in your small town, and do not have the fortitude.
My house is not "full of clutter." I don't know that I EVER said that. If I did, I was semi-kidding.
And please don't bother reposting millions of my previous posts, as you are wont to do...
Just let it be known that I am not living in a hoarder house. There are things I no longer need and need to sell, all neatly organized in the basement. That's different.
We started selling stuff about 2 years before our estimated move, got an estimate on moving company, car shipping about a year before. We spent every day for those 2 years looking at houses online (in Hawaii, can't just take a weekend trip). We did take 3 vacations where we would check out 2 potential location per trip. We checked out WA, NV and AZ. We had already narrowed down states are were totally familiar with the impact of taxes, COL, etc. We were also looking at the option of RVing for a year. Watching housing prices steadily increase we nixed that in the final 5 months. Didn't want money sitting in bank devaluing. But that involved a lot of studying of RVs, trailers and 5th wheels, and watching uber youtube on what would be involved, plus learning all about trucks and what we would need. That involved options like, buy it now in HI (uber expensive), buy it on mainland and ship (twice), or wait (all kinds of tax situations and vastly different costs for same vehicle). HI doesn't have any type of RV, so we checked them out on our trips.
I had an obscene amount of spreadsheets.
I don't think we had even decided on a location until about 6 months before our move. During the last 3 months we got all caught up on all medical appointments, and vet appointments, requested medical records.
All that was started so early because we KNEW we were going to move, just not where (though we knew it would be western us). Move across pacific, 2 100lb dogs, furniture container god knows where for months, middle of winter, all crowded into my sister's small house until our new house closed.
It was a huge undertaking.
Have you done anything to ready yourself for a move?
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Where would I look for that? As I said, my "grief" isn't considered legitimate or valid by those who mourn and are bereft for an actual person (I've been there, done that, too).
And literally every retiree I know just LOVES retirement and couldn't begin to relate to my difficulty adjusting to it, so a group of those wouldn't be helpful.
I wonder if there even IS group therapy post-Covid with everyone still so paranoid about gathering together?
You are correct that one has to move past one's story, but IMO it first must be expressed and processed.
Not the ancient history from fifty years ago story, whatever that is... But the immediately problematic story.
If all else fails, I suppose there are always those large church small groups! At least they're free (although obviously you would be expected to contribute to the church).
I'm sure there are a number of places you could fit in as an opportunity to tell your story and get a listening ear.
Here we have one church that has a number of support groups and those I've known who use them have been satisfied with them. Some will have a potluck or coffee hour so people can get comfortable with each other.
A secret - I've been boosted out from not starting to attend the church. A lack of grace on my part. So, maybe you would want to put in an appearance every other church time. I don't think they'll hurt you.
But that's really true of any support group. I think you have to show some kind of commitment at least for the time being.
I've also had really excellent experiences at our School Sisters of Notre Dame. Who'd have thunk it?
Hospital psychiatric departments sometimes offer ongoing support groups. I've never heard of anyone having to prove evidence of a diagnosis.
It never fails to amaze me how much the average person off the street can contribute to healing if given the structure. And most people want to help.
I just called my insurance company to verify that this was covered and to confirm in what amount and was told that he charged them $270 for the 45-minute session, $120 of which would have to be written off. $150 is the amount cited on his website. ANOTHER red flag?
A low-cost clinic utilizing LCSWs is looking better and better!
That's not a red flag. That's a standard way providers and insurers do things. The provider wants to charge $X, the insurer wants an Y% discount. So the provider raises his rate on that insurer's patients so that the payment after the Y% discount matches the rate $X he wants. Hospitals do the same thing; that's one of the reasons why their charge master lists are secret.
My house is not "full of clutter." I don't know that I EVER said that. If I did, I was semi-kidding.
And please don't bother reposting millions of my previous posts, as you are wont to do...
Just let it be known that I am not living in a hoarder house. There are things I no longer need and need to sell, all neatly organized in the basement. That's different.
In your defensiveness you missed the most important part of what that poster was saying. Your last paragraph here ^^^. Taking action to actually get rid of those neatly organized items you no longer need is the first step to unlocking decisions.
Good point. I'm probably not really seeking "therapy" as he interprets it, but rather a sympathetic ear for my grief and a common-sense sounding board to help me determine a future course. A good friend would probably fit the bill if I were fortunate enough to have one with the requisite qualities!
In retrospect, I probably should have interviewed HIM to ask if he thought he could help me with my stated goals within my time frame and how, exactly, he planned to do so.
None on the list offered a free phone conversation prior to engagement, however.
Maybe a retirement or life coach, although from what I've heard they don't have the greatest reputation (and I'm pretty sure aren't covered by insurance).
Perhaps. From the grief standpoint, I understand needing a strong, sympathetic ear. When my niece died, I went to counseling for that. I specifically chose someone who worked in grief counseling. He was very helpful, because I was having acute problems....not sleeping, dreaming about her, crying, losing my train of thought when working, etc. But I have to be honest, I still have moments where I experience the grief of losing her...even though we weren't close. It was the way she died that was so senseless. We all process grief differently. And sometimes, it never goes completely away.
So perhaps a grief counselor could help with your recent losses and someone more in an 'admin' capacity could assist with the other issues you face. Vermont has something called the Agency on Aging....your state may have something similar.
In your defensiveness you missed the most important part of what that poster was saying. Your last paragraph here ^^^. Taking action to actually get rid of those neatly organized items you no longer need is the first step to unlocking decisions.
If I were able to take action, then I would take action... I KNOW what steps to take (I've taken them before, efficiently and effectively; this isn't my first rodeo). However, for whatever reason, I find myself unable to take them NOW, which is why I say I'm "stuck."
I appreciate the advice, but you're all missing the point.
What I hear you saying is, "You don't need counseling. JUST DO IT!"
If I could "just do it," I would have "just done it" by now.
Do you believe NO one needs counseling; it's always a matter of willpower and discipline?
Ah, like Wasel I thought your problem was making a decision on what to do and where to move.
But it now appears that you are unable to take any and all actions... so yeah, get thee to counseling like yesterday.
Anyway, right now I'm listening to No Stupid Questions podcast (Stephen Dubner of Freakonomics fame with a co host who is some type of psychology doctor) and it is What Is So Great About Retirement?
Thought you might enjoy it, I'm only half way through.
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Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Ah, like Wasel I thought your problem was making a decision on what to do and where to move.
But it now appears that you are unable to take any and all actions... so yeah, get thee to counseling like yesterday.
Anyway, right now I'm listening to No Stupid Questions podcast (Stephen Dubner of Freakonomics fame with a co host who is some type of psychology doctor) and it is What Is So Great About Retirement?
Thought you might enjoy it, I'm only half way through.
thanks for this....I'm gonna give it a listen.....
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