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Actually, no, I'm not "discounting" them... The light therapy is actually a great suggestion, and I'll probably buy one. Two of the three books, I've already read. I'd like to avoid medication, if possible (or else I'd have consulted my primary care provider or a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist), and that's always an option, but I'd like to try counseling first. After three sessions, having given it a chance despite my initial misgivings, I don't think this guy and/or his approach and I are a good match. It happens!
I wasn't given any insights. 1 1/2 sessions were life review (as I explained: him asking questions, and me answering; that would have been 2 sessions had I not hurried it along), another half session was me outlining what my current difficulties were, and the third session was him suggesting things other than talk therapy, which is what I thought I was there for. Confusing, but I'm not wasting any more co-pays on this particular person...
Is there any form of therapy or type of therapist that's more flexible than 45 minutes once a week? I honestly feel I could knock both of these problems out with two long, uninterrupted talks or protracted (as long as needed) sessions.
A lot of people just use close friends or family for this type of thing. A psychotherapist can never know you better then they do.
A lot of people just use close friends or family for this type of thing. A psychotherapist can never know you better then they do.
That's kind of the point. We fit into the lives of the people we know, and they are going to see us through their own lens of where you are. Not that some friends and family can't give great advice. But giving advice is not what therapy is.
The therapist is a blank slate that reflects you back to yourself. None of us are unique, and we don't see ourselves as others do. Human behavior and thought has certain patterns, and a therapist is trained to see them in you and where you might be tripping yourself up. Think of that person, for example, who always sees everyone else as being critical but is themselves the most critical person you know. Or the person who always seems to get their feelings hurt when nothing hurtful was intended.
Not every therapist is going to be a good fit for every client, though. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to find one that works out. Therapy won't work if the therapist and client don't develop what's called the therapeutic alliance.
In this case, it seems to me that the OP is looking to discuss a specific issue without going through her entire life, and this therapist may not be listening to that.
I wasn't given any insights. 1 1/2 sessions were life review (as I explained: him asking questions, and me answering; that would have been 2 sessions had I not hurried it along), another half session was me outlining what my current difficulties were, and the third session was him suggesting things other than talk therapy, which is what I thought I was there for. Confusing, but I'm not wasting any more co-pays on this particular person...
In my experience getting therapy for my stepson, every therapist has a personal formula they default to, and they vary widely, which I think is what you're seeing here.
Just since we moved to our current location went through 5 therapists before we hit pay dirt:
1) Almost hit the jackpot: highly experienced and seasoned and insightful, he gave a battery of reasonably objective tests combined with talk therapy, but once he settled on his diagnoses, he seemed less than eager to take on the actual therapy -- I think in part because he saw that it as a long haul, and he was nearing retirement. In any case my stepson was still struggling through his undergrad degree at the time, and so went back to school after a breather and we lost track of this guy.
2) Drug pusher, very little talk (or listening), older, set in her ways, and a terrible manager (she would prescribe controlled substances and then let them lapse or screw up the renewal, so that my stepson was in withdrawal seemingly every time he ran out for a few days. Nevertheless, this was useful to cycle through his medication options and get a sense of what worked & what didn't.
3) Seemed to be into repeat sessions with no clear objective or even methodology, in other words, turning my stepson into a cash cow. I became suspicious, dug deeper into his background, and discovered that he had been in some legal kerfuffle in another state and briefly lost his license. Somewhere in the mix he had been medicating his ex wife, who ended up dying under questionable circumstances. Dropped this one like a hot potato.
4) Older former professor fixated on low-dose Lithium as a "mood stabilizer" as his first order of business. He seemed unsupportive, victim-blaming, aloof. He saved us the trouble of firing him by drowning while on vacation. Not making this up.
5) Now that we had a firm diagnosis of autism / asperger's with OCD and social anxiety comorbidities, we found a group of therapists in a nearby city that specializes in this kind of thing. He has since been on both one-on-one and group therapy with these folks, with good results. His actual therapist has changed once (old one moved on to other opportunities) but they seem to use relatively young-ish people, yet with specific experience and education in these types of patients, and provide a treatment framework for them. Best of all they include us as his parents in the session once a quarter or so, so we are up to speed on what they are working on and ways in which we can be supportive. He likes that they are closer to him in age, I think he feels they understand him better. Whether this is actually true or not probably doesn't matter so much as his level of trust and respect for them.
This was all spread out over almost 10 years, so it's illustrative of both the variety of competency and the level of iron-willed patience it takes to find the "right" therapist.
Prior to living here we had similar experiences. In fact the very first therapist we took him to, after he had a semi-meltdown/nervous breakdown in his junior year of HS, saw him for just one session and pronounced (right in front of him) that he had "pre-schizophrenic prodome" and proposed a round of (mostly drug) therapy around that. He manifestly isn't schizophrenic or psychotic, lo, these 13 years later, and no one else has given us a whiff of that diagnosis. So be very careful about people with specific one-size-fits-all ideas (diagnoses, medication) that they are overly attached or habituated to, particularly when these ideas are advanced after just a session or two.
Unlike the general practice of medicine, the practice of therapy has more subjective aspects to it, and room for interpretation of symptoms and response to treatments, and I think it's easier for mediocre practitioners to skate by under the radar. Even apart from all that, it's important to success with any one patient that some sort of functional rapport develop between them and their therapist. There must be mutual respect and trust. And even if the therapist is good, if this fails to evolve with the patient, then its not going to work.
The only thing I can say is just don't give up and keep trying. It may take several tries and some time before you learn the "ropes" of your particular situation.
That's kind of the point. We fit into the lives of the people we know, and they are going to see us through their own lens of where you are. Not that some friends and family can't give great advice. But giving advice is not what therapy is.
And it's also not fair to friends and family to dump all of your issues on them, especially if you're going through something serious and deep-seeded. They didn't sign up for that, and they're not professionals.
Yes, you have to "click" somewhat, and I got a weird vibe from this one from the start. I certainly never expected a Ph.D psychologist to push drugs on me, especially after all that Freudian probing into my distant past. Maybe he refers his clients to the pharma person and vice-versa and that's how they keep the appointment book full? But anyway...onward!
UPDATE... So, I raised my concerns about the time frame, and we discussed them. He explained, more or less to my satisfaction, why obtaining a thorough life history in person is important, but agreed to hurry it up. We managed to get through the highlights of the remainder of my life to date within the first half of the second session, and I was able to express what my current difficulties are in the second half, which brings us to the third session, in which he recommended antidepressant medication (a colleague in his practice prescribes these), a light therapy lamp (although he didn't say they also sell those), and three self-help books. Somehow I expected more after all that rooting through my past.
Thoughts?
He didn't say the series of sessions was over, did he? Are there going to be more appointments? If so, that's when you'll get down to the nitty gritty. Give the process a chance. And in the meantime, see if the light therapy helps.
Oh, I see the therapist thought he was done with you. Strange. Why the nearly 2 sessions on that long personal history, if he was just going to give you meds & turn you loose?
I don't know if he's done with me, but I'm done with him. I'll try a counselor who doesn't have a "prescriber" in the next office.
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