Was dating and relationships a lot easier in the 1950-60s? (anxiety, woman)
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I'm very grateful not only to my elderly relatives (most of whom have passed by now) for everything they were willing to talk about, but also I've had a chance to read diaries and journals kept by elderly and deceased relatives and others. Quite a treasure of perspective!
You're definitely lucky. Everyone doesn't have that.
I just want to add: I don't blame them if they won't speak candidly about what they went through. There's a lot more acceptance of discussing one's feelings today, and it's still very difficult for people to do. I'd imagine even harder for those who grew up in a "suck it up, buttercup" era/household.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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My dating started in about 1966 when I was 14, and had to walk or bike going to a local movie or other date with a girl. When I had a car ad license and really started dating was in high school, mid-1968. I obviously don't know what it's like to date now, having been married since 1974 but back then I don't think it was especially easy. It was different, because there was no internet, texting, or social media. We actually spoke to each other and asked people out in person, with rejections being to our face, not by text or email. That made it very hard for people who were shy, getting up the courage to ask someone out. With no dating websites to meet girls we had to find them at school or work, and in fact, I met my wife in college. It is fairly obvious that most people today are waiting longer to get married, and to have kids, and less kids. We married at 20 and 21, our married kids got hitched at 28 and 35.
Looking at the time period with rose-colored glasses is so common on relationship forums, but you often find out the truth involved a lot more gritting one's teeth and getting on with it than we'd probably put up with in the 21st-century. Were more people married 100 years ago? Sure. Were they fulfilled and happy about it? That's debatable.
Agree.
Things were different in the past. Some were better (for some people.) Some were worse. Some were horrifically worse.
I remember a moment years ago when reading a thread somewhere along the lines of "if you could live an any other period of history in any culture, if you could go back in time, what period would you want to experience." And I remember feeling that it would depend very much on whether I could experience it as a man in this fantasy, or if I had to experience it as a woman. Let alone questions of race.
So the only people who could really indulge in fantasizing about other eras being so great... Yeah.
Also, lol...some of the things that our elders got up to, but didn't always talk about, would be jaw dropping to folks like our OP. Grandpa and his brother got up to a bit of wife swapping once. Mom isn't actually sure whose daughter she is!
Great Aunt (and many like her) dated multiple boys at the same time throughout high school, a fella did not get to be exclusive with his gal until they were "going steady." He had competition. And maybe she did, too. She had photos in her albums of her with these various boys. There was one of two guys in Navy uniforms standing on either side of her with an arm around her, she'd gone on dates with both of them. She didn't end up marrying either, though. But it was understood that a good girl was just out for friendly, if flirty, fun on these dates. Certainly wouldn't be having sex. They'd be lucky if they got a kiss! And if a man didn't drive a car (preferably a nice one) and have a job, or "prospects", his chances weren't very good with women. And if our OP thinks that writing up a decent dating profile and figuring out the timing on text messages is difficult... I have a box full of HUNDREDS of handwritten love letters from when my husband's father was wooing his mother. She kept them all. He was writing her a letter just about every day!
Things were different in the past. Some were better (for some people.) Some were worse. Some were horrifically worse.
I remember a moment years ago when reading a thread somewhere along the lines of "if you could live an any other period of history in any culture, if you could go back in time, what period would you want to experience." And I remember feeling that it would depend very much on whether I could experience it as a man in this fantasy, or if I had to experience it as a woman. Let alone questions of race.
So the only people who could really indulge in fantasizing about other eras being so great... Yeah.
And, as you said in the OP's other thread, it doesn't matter if it may or may not have been easier to date 60-70 years ago, because we live now, and have to deal with the situations and expectations we have now.
I've been reflecting a lot on this subject because part of the reason is that there are a lot of unnecessary additions that make the whole playing field complicated today.
In 1960 according to PewResearch, 88% of people married by age 30, meaning almost every straight American successfully married. That means regardless if men were Alpha/Beta, extrovert/introvert, funny/serious, they found somebody to spend life with. Today, it's well under 50% because of all the add-ins to dating.
Many people are convinced to rely on emotional connection instead of sharing common values and building a connection or goals out of that. How do you build "emotional connection", they say? Be a challenge, flirt and don't reply to her text for 2 days, play hard to get, make her laugh A LOT, tease her on her outfit. Nonsense. Nonsense. Nonsense. Girls are also encouraged to play the "game". If a guy compliments you, then say "do you tell every girl she's beautiful?" to expect a witty reply. In other words, people are now being judged based on social interactions instead of what they actually offer in terms of values, income and character.
I'm conservative and believe in meeting someone who is Christian, shares my beliefs/values and working for the common good. I don't need to be Jerry Seinfeld or Pete Davidson to be worthy of a relationship. I believe you can be intelligent without being good at conversation or humor. Most math professors are brilliant, even if they can't make their class laugh. Einstein wasn't known for being funny, yet changed the field of science.
As far as toxic masculinity was concerned, I don't think it was a bigger problem in the past. Most young men from World War II didn't see sustained combat. Out of 16 million young males (born in 1910-1925), around 8 million served in the military during the war, but probably 3 million saw constant battle in the German/Japanese theatres that led to hardening via PTSD. So like 18-20%.
Let me know your thoughts if dating was easier for socially challenged people or introverts?
No, not easier, different. There were social complexities of life in the 60’s , severe limitations and difficulties women faced, and certain rules or norms expected. Toxic masculinity was just as much a problem back then , and it was rammed into little boys growing up. And I can tell you you were judged on social interactions back then too. Many an innocent young woman’s whole character and life ruined because some jock wanted to show off to his mates and pretend he’d had her , and she forever labeled a ****. Men and women back then played just as many games as now and one had to learn to sift through it like now.
Are you saying trophy wives routinely get beaten and raped?
Yeah, weird take.
OP, to answer your question, people with your issues were not going to find dating or socializing easy at all. There were few social penalties against bullying and ostracizing people with disabilities...and no authority figures to encourage "acceptance" and "inclusion." You may have ended up being hidden by an embarrassed family or even institutionalized. Even if you escaped that fate and managed to get a date, her family would likely strongly discourage her from being seen with someone with a disability.
Shy people meet. They meet at church, they meet getting the mail, they meet when they least expect it and from what I have heard over and over is that they end up happily married to the person they thought they would never date and a lot of times under quite unusual circumstances. Love strikes when you least expect it.
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