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Is the issue that they are sedentary? Or that you want more help around the house? Or something else? I can't get a good handle on what is really bothering you about it.
it bothers me at work having a co-worker who is very slow in getting tasks done and wastes a lot of time. she literally sits at her desk and stares at the screen. that bothers me. i would say she is very sedentary. it's interesting the opening post uses the phrase "sucks the life out of the house" because i experience it that way too. It is very draining being around this person because it feels like they are sucking energy out of the room. ugh.
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Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
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Hmmm, I guess I would be that sedentary house guest at times.
I don't enjoy flitting about, nor do I really have the funds to go out and about 'just because' very often. I DO enjoy reading a good book, and I often like to do it around other people, because while I may not want to actively participate in conversation there is sometimes an element of 'belonging' just by being around other people as they go about their lives. Who want to stay holed up away from everyone all the time?
A couple of questions though.
Is there a pleasant space this person can go to for their solitary pursuits sometimes, a comfy chair and side table in the bedroom, a sheltered spot on the patio, a quiet park within walking distance, etc?
While I doubt your guest expects you to constantly entertain them, and might not even enjoy attempts at that, have you invited them or given them the opportunity to occasionally join you in things you already do, such as going for a walk in the neighborhood, joining you on a shopping trip, or helping to prepare a meal?
Perhaps they simply aren't comfortable and are uncertain about how to be 'more active' in someone else's home. (What does your idea of them being more active consist of anyway?)
Hmmm, I guess I would be that sedentary house guest at times.
I don't enjoy flitting about, nor do I really have the funds to go out and about 'just because' very often. I DO enjoy reading a good book, and I often like to do it around other people, because while I may not want to actively participate in conversation there is sometimes an element of 'belonging' just by being around other people as they go about their lives. Who want to stay holed up away from everyone all the time?
These are really good points.
I also feel like holing up in the bedroom for extensive amounts of time can also be seen as rude from a host. A different host might think "I have a guest in my home and they never come out of their room. That really bothers me."
OP, is it possible that you're bothered because your guest is always in the living room and you'd like to enjoy that space without feeling the need to socialize or entertain them?
as far as guests in the home, i don't really like having anyone in my space at home so i don't.
it is draining for me to have anyone else in my living space.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We have a couple like that, in-laws, but we just don't spend a lot of time with them. Since they retired they do absolutely nothing, no hobbies, pay others to do anything around the house, and spend much of the day taking naps. This while still in their mid-60s. They are a couple of hours drive away and only come over for holiday gatherings, and we only visit for a short time when passing by their town on the way elsewhere. I have no issue with them if vegetating makes them happy, but I have to be doing things or will go nuts.
plopped down in the middle of the living room reading silently or staring at their cell phone all day
They wouldn't be invited back to my home. People, like fish, go bad after 3 days. Someone who constantly is in my home acting this way would not fly. I will visit them at their home every now and then when I am in control of when I can get up and leave when I've had enough.
Is anyone else generally aggravated when they spend too much time with a sedentary person?
There's someone that stays with us in our home for a few weeks at a time (the reasons aren't important to my question) that is very sedentary and I find myself super bothered by it and I'm not entirely sure why.
If this person was more active I feel like I'd be far, far less bothered by their visits. And it's not like they're demanding or unhelpful when asked for something. But it just seems like it sucks the life out of the house and out of me to have them plopped down in the middle of the living room reading silently or staring at their cell phone all day. I want to tell them to go sit somewhere out of sight for a little while, LOL.
Maybe it triggers a feeling that I need to entertain them or make small talk constantly.
What say ye...anyone else sometimes feel this way around super sedentary people?
I'm a little confused about your question. Are these people family friends that are there or are they paid workers that are there for a reason and are being paid to be there.
If so, they should be doing their job and not be on their cell phones unless at lunch and breaks to check messages, etc.
If family friends are staying and they are that way, just do your own thing too.
Hmmm, I guess I would be that sedentary house guest at times.
I don't enjoy flitting about, nor do I really have the funds to go out and about 'just because' very often. I DO enjoy reading a good book, and I often like to do it around other people, because while I may not want to actively participate in conversation there is sometimes an element of 'belonging' just by being around other people as they go about their lives. Who want to stay holed up away from everyone all the time?
A couple of questions though.
Is there a pleasant space this person can go to for their solitary pursuits sometimes, a comfy chair and side table in the bedroom, a sheltered spot on the patio, a quiet park within walking distance, etc?
While I doubt your guest expects you to constantly entertain them, and might not even enjoy attempts at that, have you invited them or given them the opportunity to occasionally join you in things you already do, such as going for a walk in the neighborhood, joining you on a shopping trip, or helping to prepare a meal?
Perhaps they simply aren't comfortable and are uncertain about how to be 'more active' in someone else's home. (What does your idea of them being more active consist of anyway?)
Some good responses to a somewhat vague question. This resonates with me quite a bit. It could be that the guest feels you would think it's rude to hole up in the guest room (so there's a disconnect re: expectations) or the living room is the only welcoming space that meets their needs (guest room is cold, hot, no well-lit spot to read, no comfortable furniture), or yes, they are at a loss for ideas of things to do during the visit and are expecting their host to come up with those. Then, when you don't do it, they end up sitting.
Maybe one way to clear some of this up without asking them point blank about why they're just sitting there would be to have a discussion before they ever arrive. What's their purpose in visiting besides chit chat with you? Offer them some easy ideas you've already thought about and set some plans. Obviously don't fill every minute with busyness, everyone needs down time, especially in an unfamiliar place. Just set a loose itinerary of little changes of scene. That will get them off their duff and off your last nerve.
I'm a little confused about your question. Are these people family friends that are there or are they paid workers that are there for a reason and are being paid to be there.
If so, they should be doing their job and not be on their cell phones unless at lunch and breaks to check messages, etc.
If family friends are staying and they are that way, just do your own thing too.
Do paid workers stay in their customers' homes for a few weeks at a time? Do their customers think of themselves as 'hosts' when the workers are around as opposed to customers or clients?
The OP didn't specify the relationship between guest and host, but the guest is obviously not a paid worker of any kind
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