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Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,031,370 times
Reputation: 3911
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Quote:
Originally Posted by slm928
I worked in NYC for 15 years so I can appreciate where you're coming from. I have lived in SC, just over the border from Charlotte, and have found it extremely difficult to make friends. Even at my church, which is an old, established church, I have not been able to crack the code. I find that Charlotte has very little for me, with the exception of theatre and sports. I'm also past the age for clubbing so no thoughts on that topic. If I had a dime for every time someone said "you're not from here, are you?" to me, I'd have lunch money. After 10 years, I still feel like a fish out of water. Most transplants I meet are very happy here but it's different when you have not family. They've brought their "peeps" with them.
There is a big difference between people living in a small SC town and people of the triangle. Close to Charlotte or not you still are living in a small southern community that probably hasn't experienced much influx of transplants. That is not the case here.
I disagree with you. I moved here from NY, and have gotten some nasty and even straight forward comments from people who I work with...people who only met me saying they don't like me just because I am from NY. In comparison to NY, at least the places where I've worked people seem more hospitable regardless of where you were from.
I am sorry this has been your experience. This board is the only place that I have been treated poorly for being from NY, never in person. I have met rude people in NC, some were natives, but there are rude people all over the world. I like to think the nice people way out number them!
Each place you go has customs. When you go to Italy or France, it is considered rude if you do not say hello to the shopkeeper when you enter their store. It is like you have entered their home. People can choose to view this as superficial or you can view this as friendly - it is all perspective.
To those who mentioned what it is like when they greet people in NY stores after being in NC. I went to a Whole Foods on LI on Christmas Eve and ordered something from the prepared foods counter. At the end I wished the staff a Merry Christmas and good day. It was about 6pm and they said I was the first person to wish them Merry Christmas, I said that is because I am not from the area!
When you don't have any family at all (I'm talking none), then you're at a decided disadvantage because you don't have those other inroads that occur. For instance, kids in pre-school or school... you often meet other parents. Parents, cousins, aunt/uncles... everyone else are meeting people and that can expand one's circle much quicker than being the one and only. When it's just you and you have no one else you only have time outside of work hours (assuming you do work), and weekends, you meet who you meet in the time you have and often spend lots of time alone.
Further, those with no families, no spouses or significant others, do not get invited as often to dinner parties (unless the host/hostess is comfortable with singles) or events. It's a fact of life, not just particular to the Triangle, but inclusive of the Triangle. Being in a very family-oriented area with no family can be quite lonely. It doesn't have to be, but it certainly can be. Those who are not in this position really don't have a clue and can't really understand.
Yes, meetups can help and there are lots of hobbies one could pursue. It's not exactly the same, but it can help and is worthwhile to try. As for friendliness or lack thereof, I've found it challenging in middle age. There's polite, but friendliness and inclusiveness is a different dimension and it takes real work.
When you don't have any family at all (I'm talking none), then you're at a decided disadvantage because you don't have those other inroads that occur. For instance, kids in pre-school or school... you often meet other parents. Parents, cousins, aunt/uncles... everyone else are meeting people and that can expand one's circle much quicker than being the one and only. When it's just you and you have no one else you only have time outside of work hours (assuming you do work), and weekends, you meet who you meet in the time you have and often spend lots of time alone.
Further, those with no families, no spouses or significant others, do not get invited as often to dinner parties (unless the host/hostess is comfortable with singles) or events. It's a fact of life, not just particular to the Triangle, but inclusive of the Triangle. Being in a very family-oriented area with no family can be quite lonely. It doesn't have to be, but it certainly can be. Those who are not in this position really don't have a clue and can't really understand.
Yes, meetups can help and there are lots of hobbies one could pursue. It's not exactly the same, but it can help and is worthwhile to try. As for friendliness or lack thereof, I've found it challenging in middle age. There's polite, but friendliness and inclusiveness is a different dimension and it takes real work.
Thoughtful response, and I truly hope you find some good outlets and inclusion soon.
For myself, I have found that work is typically one of the better places to meet and expand my personal network. I have met some of my best friends from spending time in social settings with colleagues and ultimately bonding more with their friends - it was nice to have the small commonality of the mutual acquaintance, but not have work being the primary topic of conversation.
Raleigh is somewhat a typical small capital city. Most of the city centers around a very small area around the capital. It reminds me a lot of Albany, NY.
If you're attracted to bigger cities, I'm not sure what drew you here in the first place. I'm from outside NYC, and IMHO there is no large city like it. But Raleigh is pretty far from even cities that are somewhat comparable to NYC.
I don't ever get why people make these posts as if they're expecting people to justify why they DO like it here though. Just move on, no one will mind.
I agree with twingles on almost everything.
We first stayed in Raleigh when we were checking out colleges. My daughter, 16 at the time, said that Raleigh reminded her of a suburban city. She understood that a city and a suburb are two different things (we lived in NYC suburbs at the time) but I found her description to be accurate and think of it every time I am in in downtown Raleigh. It is, as twingles said, very much like Albany.
I have written on this forum many times times that the biggest disappointment seems to come from transplanted folks from major metropolises like NYC, Chicago, DC, etc. Forget about it as they say where I'm from. The triangle can never measure up if that is what you expect to find. No way. No how. IT IS MUCH SMALLER AND YES, IT IS IN THE SOUTH. It will never be NYC.
In defense of the OP, however, I think his post may be indicative of how the triangle is sold and marketed to people. They buy into the hype that we have this and we have that and we probably do...just on a much smaller scale. We DO have diversity...just in smaller numbers.
For some of us, the triangle is perfection...especially for those families raising small children. It is also great for mid-lifers who have been there and done that and who now want a slower pace.
I am truly sorry you are disappointed but anyone who does the simple math(population figures) should be able to figure out from the get go what it might be like down here. Good luck if you decide to leave
Raleigh does run the marketing machine hard. Right now their thing is "Raleigh=the most live music in North Carolina". I'm just not sure I believe that. I guess if you count Hopscotch and the IMBA, which I'm sure they are doing, then maybe, but I'm not convinced. I need to see the numbers. What about Asheville? Carrboro (Cat's Cradle, Carrboro Music Festival, ArtsCenter, etc)? Chapel Hill? Durham? It seems overly competitive.
Location: Sodo Sopa at The Villas above Kenny' s House.
2,492 posts, read 3,031,370 times
Reputation: 3911
Quote:
Originally Posted by poppydog
Raleigh does run the marketing machine hard. Right now their thing is "Raleigh=the most live music in North Carolina". I'm just not sure I believe that. I guess if you count Hopscotch and the IMBA, which I'm sure they are doing, then maybe, but I'm not convinced. I need to see the numbers. What about Asheville? Carrboro (Cat's Cradle, Carrboro Music Festival, ArtsCenter, etc)? Chapel Hill? Durham? It seems overly competitive.
Giving Raleigh this one. Without investigating I would think we might have a few more live music clubs then Durham. Raleigh also has RBC center,Walnut Creek and most importantly is the Redhat Ampitheatre. That place is throwing shows left and right. Live nation now owns the Ritz and is booking like crazy. Then as already mentioned there is Hopscotch and the Bluegrsss festival. Lots of great live music clubs. Giving a shout out to The Maywood,The Lincoln(anybody catch the outside Clutch show?),The Pourhouse,Kings.
When you don't have any family at all (I'm talking none), then you're at a decided disadvantage because you don't have those other inroads that occur. For instance, kids in pre-school or school... you often meet other parents. Parents, cousins, aunt/uncles... everyone else are meeting people and that can expand one's circle much quicker than being the one and only. When it's just you and you have no one else you only have time outside of work hours (assuming you do work), and weekends, you meet who you meet in the time you have and often spend lots of time alone.
Further, those with no families, no spouses or significant others, do not get invited as often to dinner parties (unless the host/hostess is comfortable with singles) or events. It's a fact of life, not just particular to the Triangle, but inclusive of the Triangle. Being in a very family-oriented area with no family can be quite lonely. It doesn't have to be, but it certainly can be. Those who are not in this position really don't have a clue and can't really understand.
Yes, meetups can help and there are lots of hobbies one could pursue. It's not exactly the same, but it can help and is worthwhile to try. As for friendliness or lack thereof, I've found it challenging in middle age. There's polite, but friendliness and inclusiveness is a different dimension and it takes real work.
I suppose it depends on how easily you meet people and how much you put yourself out there. I'm single and in my mid-20's, so meeting people is pretty much my number one priority right now. I'll be moving to the Triangle soon and I'm not concerned one bit about not being able to do that in Raleigh. Nightlife, work, meetups, online dating, etc.
Giving Raleigh this one. Without investigating I would think we might have a few more live music clubs then Durham. Raleigh also has RBC center,Walnut Creek and most importantly is the Redhat Ampitheatre. That place is throwing shows left and right. Live nation now owns the Ritz and is booking like crazy. Then as already mentioned there is Hopscotch and the Bluegrsss festival. Lots of great live music clubs. Giving a shout out to The Maywood,The Lincoln(anybody catch the outside Clutch show?),The Pourhouse,Kings.
and now Raleigh hosts Wide Open Bluegrass. That's a huge deal.
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