Attitude Toward People Relocating To The Raleigh/Durham Area (Cary: home sales, schools)

[MrsSteel]

FreeSpirit, that's totally going to vary from person to person. Backstabbers can be found all over the planet, but in my experience, most people who are kind and polite on the outside are sincerely kind and polite on the inside.

Is part of it manners and etiquette? Sure. I mean, when the guy bagging my groceries at Harris Teeter asks me, "How are you today, ma'am?" I don't think he really expects me to give him a laundry list of everything good and bad in my life, ya know? But even so, these small gestures make the day nicer. Like saying "please", "thank you", and "you're welcome". Do we have to say these things? Of course not. But we chose to because it's polite and respectful and simply makes the world a more pleasant place to be.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. If a person is nice to your face but rude behind your back, that says an awful lot more about them than it does about you.

[FreeSpirit48]

Thanks, MrsSteel!

I understand being polite with thank you's and not really listing all that is wrong when asked "How are you?"

To be more specific, I've heard people say "Oh, don't worry about it! Don't even think about it!", with that very spirited and sincere-sounding voice, but later found that it was a problem. But I believed them and didn't think twice about the issue when I probably should have, and ended up in a bad situation. I've also had a potential love interest say things that sounded "nice", only to find that he was really only being polite and the feelings weren't as good as I thought. I felt it was misleading, dishonest - he saw it as "being polite" (he was born and raised here).

Those are the kinds of things I see - the social politeness that isn't really meaning what they are thinking.

[just_sayin']

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit48

I guess I should be more clear - that feeling I described isn't just Apex. What I said was my feelings about how people in the south may feel about people from the north in general. I know it's not only southerners - there are many people here from the north, and it's likely I encountered this from northerners too. **sigh**...maybe it's just people in general. (maybe I have trust issues!)

Apex is a lovely town. Though in my 4 years here, it's exploded with growth and prices. I am renting, and when I moved here, I got a very nice townhome to rent for under $600/month. Then development happened, and for the same place I'm paying over $800/month, and if I re-sign, I can expect that to go up more.

I will say that generally I live near Rt. 55 - the Durham end of 55, near Rt. 64. They have a new shopping complex now where nothing but woods used to be. It's actually like a pretty big strip mall, then connected by a road that takes to another village-type shopping area where most shops aren't filled yet - it's still so new. (The new Target shopping area, that connects to the area with a new Kohls and movie theaters and more.)

Why did you move back up north after being here? It's cold up there!

Ah yes, Beaver Creek commons. From the area you described I'd guess you either live in the Walden Creek townhomes or the ones direction accross from Walden Creek. I also rented in Apex, but a 2000 sq. ft house off Olive Chapel road. I agree with you 100% Apex is (was) a lovely town that has just been expanding WAY too much. We moved there in 2005 from Raleigh because our kids were assigned to Apex schools and we wanted to get the heck out of Raleigh and closer to our kids schools. We wanted to move fast so we just rented in Apex and were intending to buy after a year or so. Walden Creek was actually our top pick for a neighborhood to buy in because it was the most convienient to 64 and 55 and had a real established neighborhood feel. But after a while we just realized that the triangle wasn't for us anymore and we had lived all over wake county trying to find a place we'd feel at home...and it just wasn't there (missed family up here too). Yes it's cold up here in the winter, but in summer its really hot down there. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

[JJingle]

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit48

Thanks, MrsSteel!

I understand being polite with thank you's and not really listing all that is wrong when asked "How are you?"

To be more specific, I've heard people say "Oh, don't worry about it! Don't even think about it!", with that very spirited and sincere-sounding voice, but later found that it was a problem. But I believed them and didn't think twice about the issue when I probably should have, and ended up in a bad situation. I've also had a potential love interest say things that sounded "nice", only to find that he was really only being polite and the feelings weren't as good as I thought. I felt it was misleading, dishonest - he saw it as "being polite" (he was born and raised here).

Those are the kinds of things I see - the social politeness that isn't really meaning what they are thinking.

I have to agree with Mrs. Steel. Two-faced people are everywhere, not just in the Triangle. In the situation you described, where someone said "don't worry about it" when he/she really wanted you to fix it, is more a non-confrontation position.

There is a guy in my office that makes polite gestures towards me, like "how are you?" "How are you liking Raleigh?" The first time he ever said it to me, I started to answer him. He walked around me towards a fridge; it was in the office break room. I assumed he was still listening...because I was still talking. Imagine my surprise when I turned and saw him listening to his vmail on his mobile. I learned my lesson. He still continues to make pleasant gestures. I haven't answered in almost two years....he has never noticed. It's an office joke now between me and a few choice girlfriends.

[ausmerika]

Originally Posted by saturnfan

It's the worthless politicians who put greed over responsibility that may turn the Triangle into a Southern branch of New Jersey.

And here I thought it was the yanks who go to Duke, aka University of Southern Jersey. Sorry I couldn't help take the jab. Go Heels!

[TarHeeler]

Originally Posted by FreeSpirit48

I just joined this board - this is post #2 for me. And I don't want to start off sounding negative, but I wanted to add a thought to this. I moved here 4 yrs ago, from the north. I think I'm a very nice person, very kind, smiling, etc. But it seems to me that at face value, everything seems to be nice and friendly, but after a while, it seems that is the social face that some put on. And meanwhile, behind your back, they are saying something quite different. perhaps those who speak of negative things here online are speaking the truth, and maybe that's the "behind-your-back" truth that they would never say to your face, because to them, they call it "manners" and being nice to someone. I've questioned how being dishonest is being kind and nice? (appearing to be firendly, while having a different POV inside)

Is it possible that natives really don't have a nice feeling about transplants, but their upbringing tells them to be socially polite, but their inside attitude is something different, and if they have a small way of getting the upper hand, they will, because of that underlying attitude? Is it possible that is where the reputation comes from - because people have seen it before - it really exists? As I said, I believe I'm a nice person and I treat everyone with respect and manners, etc - I'm not a pushy, arrogant northerner. I moved here because I hoped my friendliness would fit better here. I don't want to have to be as aggressive as one must to exist in the north. So I think I bring my friendly style here. I have been disappointed to discover that I've been told something in a very friendly way, but it turned out to mean something very different in the end. I've seen the phony-friendly here. It's hard to know where AI stand with people sometimes for that reason. It's hard to know if this person would make a good friend or not for this reason - I can't tell when they are being sincere, or just socially polite.

I'll still take that smile, phony or not, as opposed to the coldness of aggressive people in the north. And I'll still give my sincere, warm smile to everyone.

With the utmost sincerity, you truly sound like a wonderful addition to the area. Glad that you were able to escape the aggressive, unfriendly north. You definitely belong here.

[Funky Chicken]

I've been here a little less than 5 years-came from metro NY. My workplace is about 50 people, 90% of which are native North Carolinians. My boss is a Cary native in his 50s.
About a year after I got here, I went to a holiday party given by the company. After a couple of drinks, my boss loosened up and we talked for about an hour about the northern migration.
What he said to me made a lot of sense. He said that what really bothers the natives is the way that some people relocate here without respect for the difference in culture, and don't make an effort to assimilate. They make a point of it to advertise their northern roots every chance they get. Nothing here is EVER as good as it was back home. It's in everything from the way they drive to the way they talk to the bank teller or the checkout girl at the market. Then he said the thing that really stuck with me- If you move here but your head is still there-if you refer to where you used to live as "back home"-it will be a lot harder to get comfortable here.
I have tried to live by that idea since that night, and it's really helped me. This is where my immediate family is. This is where I work, play, live. I'm not on some sort of extended sabbatical-this is my home, and that's the way it is.

[VickiR]

Again, I agree with ya, Funky!

It used to really annoy me when my neighbor from Buffalo used to complain about the schools and say "back home we...blah blah blah". One day I was just tired of hearing it as it was something I heard from her at least once a day, so I said...if it was so great back home, why don't you show us how to make it better HERE. I wish I could tell you that this stopped her but it didn't. Although over the last 10 years, she doesn't say "back home" anymore!!!

Vicki

[MikeJaquish]

My question to unhappy people is, "Where were you unhappy before you were unhappy here?"

Or, "Where did you used to do your complaining?"

[saturnfan]

My buddy Joey who moved from NJ to FL has a sign on his work truck"

"If you love NY, take I-95 North".