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As seems to be the case with many relocating families, we are trying to decide whether to live in Chapel Hill and use the public schools, or live in Durham and send our children to one of the top private schools (ie DA or Cary Academy).
I understand that either would be similarly challenging academically, but was wondering if anyone has any personal experience with the differences in student life/social environment between the two systems. Specifically I was thinking about things like prevalence of drug use, peer pressure for drinking, and a general sense of the "cliquieness." (if that's even a word)
I understand that kids will be kids wherever you go, but would be interested in personal observations beyond obvious truisms like "drugs and alcohol are everywhere" or "it just depends on the individual child."
As seems to be the case with many relocating families, we are trying to decide whether to live in Chapel Hill and use the public schools, or live in Durham and send our children to one of the top private schools (ie DA or Cary Academy).
I understand that either would be similarly challenging academically, but was wondering if anyone has any personal experience with the differences in student life/social environment between the two systems. Specifically I was thinking about things like prevalence of drug use, peer pressure for drinking, and a general sense of the "cliquieness." (if that's even a word)
I understand that kids will be kids wherever you go, but would be interested in personal observations beyond obvious truisms like "drugs and alcohol are everywhere" or "it just depends on the individual child."
Durham has some pretty decent public schools in SW. Honestly, I'd choose wherever you feel most comfortable with all aspects of life. They're both great communities and have a lot to offer. Durham might be more convenient if you work in other parts of the Triangle and/or want better access to shopping.
I think it's a tough call. With private, you don't have the "trouble makers" as much. If they act up in private, they get kicked out. If they act up in public, you're basically stuck with it. Not such a big deal if your kids are smart enough to be in mainly AP classes (where most of the trouble makers aren't) but more of a problem if they are in "avg" classes. To me, this is one of the biggest public-private differences. The classes at CH are excellent, some teachers are excellent and some aren't, there is a wide variety of classes choice, etc. This is also true in private. But in private there is less time wasted on discipline issues b/c those kids are simply not there (for the most part at least).
In terms of "cliquiness" I think you will have more of that at the privates you are mentioning. DA is great academically but personally I would never send my child there. Lots of kids with big feelings of entitlements, $200 jeans, and big-time attitudes. I have a number of friends w/kids there and it's something they battle with their own children quite a bit. This is not so much true in CH. There are plenty of kids with and from $$, but these are the kind of parents who choose not to put their kids at DA even though they can afford it, so there's much less of that attitude. I can't speak to Cary Academy as I don't know it well enough (I know it's excellent academically, but don't know the "culture"). One private where you would not find that sort of attitude is Carolina Friends School but if you like the traditional prep school program at DA you might not like CFS. It's a whole different approach to education (one which I love but again--not for everyone). Not sure of the age of your kids, but another great school in the area is Duke School. It only goes through 8th grade but this is my favorite. Check on their website to see where these kdis end up in college. The list is more impressive than DA which seems to suggest that if they get the solid foundation there, they can go anywhere private or public and excel in HS. (BTW, if you look at the schools for DA it's about the same as for CH public). They have a collaborative, integrative approach to education and not the traditional prep school thing but it's not as "out there" as CFS. I'd suggest checking it out if your kids are that age.
OK, so lastly as to your question of drugs, etc. I think the answer is exactly what you said you didn't want to hear. I know teens from CH and from DA (and from CFS for that matter) who say they know exactly where to get drugs and that it's certain groups of kids who mainly use them. I don't think that is hugely more prevelant in one place or another. Just get your kids really involved in extracurriculars so they won't have enough time for drugs! Drinking? Well, again, sorry but it's what you don't want to hear. It's everywhere. The peer pressure for it is everywhere. But really if your kids are into high level academic classes and on a sports team they are probably less likely to be spending time doing it and hopefully more likely to have the self esteem necessary to say no.
Good luck. It's a tough call and we went through the exact same decision.
I live in Raleigh and can't comment from personal experience about the schools out of the area. My children are in a private school and from the moment I took the first tour the school just "felt right" for me. I visited a few other private schools that I knew were absolutely wrong for us. This is a very important decision. I imagine it's much more difficult when moving from another area but if you can take the time to schedule tours of several schools and speak to several parents it will probably help answer a lot of questions for you.
I would add that DA is NOT particularly "clique-ish" in terms of the traditional groups of kids in HS. That is, a boy who is the star of the basketball team also dances in the latin dance club; another plays drums in the jazz band. I think the size of the HS leads kids to dabble and more seriously participate in more than one area - so while there are those who might be labeled "jocks" or "nerds" there are many who are not so easily classified. Another benefit of DA over other local (CH/Durham/Cary/Raleigh) private schools is that they are far more diverse (racially/ethnically/SES) than the others and are becoming more so each year. There is a HUGE financial aid budget that increases the participation of kids whose parents are rich.
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