Grief over losing out on house. (property, rent, value, offer)
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We found our perfect house after months of searching. We put in a strong offer at over $100K above list and still lost. I am unfamiliar with this feeling. Is the grief normal? I am feeling significant anger and depression. I actually in a moment of anger wished that the house would burn down (I feel bad about that now). I don't know if I can take this happening again. Is this normal? I just want to rent now and give up on the house search completely. What do you guys do to deal with this? My wife and I are really beside ourselves....
You are too emotional to be buying a house if losing a house has so devastated you. I would recommend you rent until you can think more clearly.
When you do decide to make another offer on a house be smart about it. You don't want to be like the thousands of homeowners currently under water on their house.
I speak from experience. 20+ years ago I 'lost' a house that I just loved. Turns out it was one of the best things that could have happened. I ended up in a better neighborhood in a house that I love much more than I could have loved the 'lost' house. An added bonus - my house has more than tripled in value. The 'lost' house - not so much
Must be a hot market to put in a bid of 100k over asking , and still lose the property. That said: it might do you some good to sit back & rent for a while. I do "get" how you feel about this, but putting some space between the event & your emotions will do you a world of good.
Grief is such a strong word. I can imagine being saddened, but that is all. Part of the difficulty in 'going after' the house of your dreams is that it becomes a contest. You become obssessed with 'winning'. Part of your depression might be more associated with feeling that you have lost the contest itself rather than the fact you will need to go through the house search again.
Every house has it's perfect features and not so pefect surprises. You will find another one that is not identical but affects your heartstrings in a similar way. Just take a deep breath and get on with it. Best of luck.
So many possible reasons for the great emotion that may not be the loss of the house at all on a deeper level.
Perhaps you are unaccustomed to working hard and well at something and still being unsuccessful at it.
Perhaps you have had another great loss and are finally grieving over it in reality now with the loss of the house.
Perhaps you have had another great loss and any great loss following brings back that last great loss.
Perhaps the house stood for something...reminded you of something or someone whether you realized it or not, that's why you loved it...and on some level you feel that other thing is what you lost.
Or, the opposite. It presented you with newer and better hope...that you feel on some level is now lost.
Perhaps you are just exhausted in general and need a good rest.
You might speak with someone who knows your life well. Maybe give it a rest for a while. Then look around again. It is indeed an unusual thing that when one makes an offer on a personal home one would want to make that offer on something one imagines a future in, making memories in, dreams and hopes, etc. And, yet, one can't get too excited because there may be a better offer. Seems at odds.
Ok, maybe grief was an overstatement. You shouldn't take me so literally. I obviously do not equate it with losing a loved one.
It is deflating, however. And I really do not want to go through this again, but obviously I have to. I was just looking for advice on how to get over the bitterness and move on to the next house.
Ok, maybe grief was an overstatement. You shouldn't take me so literally. I obviously do not equate it with losing a loved one.
It is deflating, however. And I really do not want to go through this again, but obviously I have to. I was just looking for advice on how to get over the bitterness and move on to the next house.
Sorry if I was overly dramatic.
Stinks, doesn't it. Been there, both personally and as an agent.
It doesn't help right now, but it amazes me how often a buyer gets crushed by not getting the house, and out of nowhere, the property comes back around or something even better comes up and they end up with it.
If this was really the "perfect" house, that may seem highly unlikely. But if you can struggle through and keep your eyes and mind open to opportunity, you may also get some of that amazement.
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