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So, which is the gator? The father who wants to visit his son or the stepfather who misidentified
himself as the father? The same stepfather who minimized the young man's capacities until he was called out for leaving a naif unprotected; the stepfather who has declined to reply to queries about what the mother and son think about the situation because it may not be what he wants it to be?
The father doesn't want to visit his son. He wants to stay for a month in Arizona free of charge.
So, which is the gator? The father who wants to visit his son or the stepfather who misidentified
himself as the father? The same stepfather who minimized the young man's capacities until he was called out for leaving a naif unprotected; the stepfather who has declined to reply to queries about what the mother and son think about the situation because it may not be what he wants it to be?
If you can't tell which is the gator, you had better stay clear of the swamp.
Wondering what's the story with those who believe it's okay that after no contact for five years, a bio father announces out of the clear blue he is going to move in with his son for a month and no one can stop him.
No contact? That has not been a claim the stepfather made; in his first two posts he contradicted himself by claiming both that the father "has a reputation for just showing up unannounced" and also that he "suddenly decided to want to show up after being gone 5+ years." You can't have it both ways.
He has also claimed it is his home when he doesn't live there and first the son was described as "Basically he's a ten year old living in a grown up's body" but when questioned about leaving such a person alone changed it to "He is a higher functioning disabled adult and we purchased the property because he has a good track record of being independent." Again, it can't be both.
It appears it's easy for you to reach your own conclusions because you bring your own set of facts, hopefully yours are more consistent than the stepfather's.
Inconsistency raises far more flags than empty claims from a person who will not answer basic questions that could clarify the matter - like what the mother and son think of the situation.
No contact? That has not been a claim the stepfather made; in his first two posts he contradicted himself by claiming both that the father "has a reputation for just showing up unannounced" and also that he "suddenly decided to want to show up after being gone 5+ years." You can't have it both ways.
He has also claimed it is his home when he doesn't live there and first the son was described as "Basically he's a ten year old living in a grown up's body" but when questioned about leaving such a person alone changed it to "He is a higher functioning disabled adult and we purchased the property because he has a good track record of being independent." Again, it can't be both.
It appears it's easy for you to reach your own conclusions because you bring your own set of facts, hopefully yours are more consistent than the stepfather's.
Inconsistency raises far more flags than empty claims from a person who will not answer basic questions that could clarify the matter - like what the mother and son think of the situation.
Thank you for this glimpse into how your mind works.
Not sure where you get the idea that there is any contradiction between "has a reputation for just showing up unannounced" and "suddenly decided to show up after being gone 5+ years."
He certainly could have popped up for unannounced, unscheduled visits while the OP/wife were raising the son and then no visits, announced or otherwise, the past 5+ years.
As to your not understanding how a person operating at a 10 year-old cognitive level could live on his own, you should expand your understanding of people with disabilities. All sorts of people with similar cognitive challenges live independently. They require support, regular check-ins, budget management, ... but unless their behavior is such that they require the more constant supervision of a group setting, they live on their own in apartments all over the place.
Think about it. 10 year olds can read at a third or fourth grade level, do basic math, cook straightforward meals, keep their place clean, do repetitive tasks such as cleaning,
But they haven't developed the reasoning skills to deal with more complicated situations, such as dealing with moochers and/or scam artists. The way this deed is set up, makes the son a target for those who prey on the vulnerable.
As to what the mother and son think of the situation, head on over to the relationship forum with that. This is real estate. The OP wanted to know what he could do to prevent an unwanted guest from moving into a house he has a major financial stake in.
Thank you for this glimpse into how your mind works.
Not sure where you get the idea that there is any contradiction between "has a reputation for just showing up unannounced" and "suddenly decided to show up after being gone 5+ years."
He certainly could have popped up for unannounced, unscheduled visits while the OP/wife were raising the son and then no visits, announced or otherwise, the past 5+ years.
As to your not understanding how a person operating at a 10 year-old cognitive level could live on his own, you should expand your understanding of people with disabilities. All sorts of people with similar cognitive challenges live independently. They require support, regular check-ins, budget management, ... but unless their behavior is such that they require the more constant supervision of a group setting, they live on their own in apartments all over the place.
Think about it. 10 year olds can read at a third or fourth grade level, do basic math, cook straightforward meals, keep their place clean, do repetitive tasks such as cleaning,
But they haven't developed the reasoning skills to deal with more complicated situations, such as dealing with moochers and/or scam artists. The way this deed is set up, makes the son a target for those who prey on the vulnerable.
As to what the mother and son think of the situation, head on over to the relationship forum with that. This is real estate. The OP wanted to know what he could do to prevent an unwanted guest from moving into a house he has a major financial stake in.
The parents bought the property and pay the mortgage. The son was not involved in the purchase. However, his name was put on the title... no strings attached. This was done because the son has a disability and to ensure he gets the property in the event they pass away. There is also an informal arraignment where the son stays in the house and contributes what he can.
Unfortunately, the parents didn't consider potential problems that might develop when they put their son on the title. Right now, the son can allow anyone to visit/stay – rent free. Yes, the parents own 2/3 of the home but that last thing they need is a legal fight. The time to remove the son name from the title or create a legal document regarding occupancy is BEFORE trouble starts.
The drama with the bio-father/winter visit is a wake-up for the OP/wife.
Wait until they find someone they don’t know has moved in.
He's the kid's father. Besides this being your wife's ex and you don't like him... What is wrong with him being part of your son's life? What's wrong with him? Given that even you have considered the possibility of making sure the son has options if something happens to you, the existence of a willing and involved father should be a good thing.
Thing is, this father had been absent for years till a house appeared. How willing and involved will this guy be if work is involved?
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