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Old 06-17-2010, 02:39 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,679,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
That would be fine. I took a two month break at one point, refused his texts. (We don't talk on the phone. Ever.) Then I got back in touch but I didn't hear back from him for two weeks. Both thought it was over, turns out it isn't, everyone is happy. It's fine for me.

That said, I think we both handle it well because of the age gap. I absolutely could not be in this situation without emotional attachment if we were the same age.
The age gap I can see that. I imagine if I was going out with a 20 year old girl I probably wouldn't take it too seriously.

But I wonder if one morning while belting out tunes he says that's it for him, pats you on the rear end, hands you a parting gift and "thanks for playing" and then you are out the door for good. Wonder if you'd care or not care or ever think of it again? Happy, sad, angry, relieved?

I think the difference with what you said was you had control over what you did(2 month break), but if he did the same to you cutting off communication how would it feel in return?
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Old 06-17-2010, 02:46 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,676,925 times
Reputation: 10386
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
The age gap I can see that. I imagine if I was going out with a 20 year old girl I probably wouldn't take it too seriously.

But I wonder if one morning while belting out tunes he says that's it for him, pats you on the rear end, hands you a parting gift and "thanks for playing" and then you are out the door for good. Wonder if you'd care or not care or ever think of it again? Happy, sad, angry, relieved?

I think the difference with what you said was you had control over what you did(2 month break), but if he did the same to you cutting off communication how would it feel in return?
I'd be fine with it. For all I know we may be done right now, there are no guarantees we will ever see each other again. When it ends, of course I'll still think about him from time to time -- we had fun, so why shouldn't I think about him? I'll enjoy the memories, prolly use them for little sessions I like to call Me Time until the memory fades. Sometimes things should be appreciated for what they are and nothing more. Everything has a start and a finish. That's just the nature of things. (And as I mentioned he did cut me off for a few weeks. I wasn't at all hurt or offended.)

Once again for the record, this would NOT be the case if it weren't for the age gap.
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Old 06-17-2010, 02:53 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,679,821 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Sorry but I think both genders have issue with "handling it." Guys just hide emotions better. Women will want phone calls and men start to get territorial of what they are banging. The more sappy/soft types start to "fall in love" or get emotional in front of you when they don't in front of others. Most of the guys I have been with have been rather picky about who they date or do looks wise. Most of my friends even won't bang whatever says yes just because its there. One friend even complained about a dimple of cellulite...also a avid porn fan...lol...hmm

Men are conquered when they are paying the bills for you and don't gripe like an impoverished teen over prom tickets. LOL
Most of the men I have known and women too, that get really picky about a dimple here or a misplaced hair there, tend to be really superficial obsessive people.

When I was in high school and in my college years I was fairly picky and I look back now at how stupid I was rejecting women over things like hair color.

Let's put it this way, there is a reason clothes were invented. Most people are not perfect, especially as they get older.

However words like "conquer", "train" and "settling down" are words that when I hear them definitely keep me angling towards "casual sex" rather than anything with a remote chance of commitment.
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Old 06-17-2010, 02:55 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,679,821 times
Reputation: 7738
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I'd be fine with it. For all I know we may be done right now, there are no guarantees we will ever see each other again. When it ends, of course I'll still think about him from time to time -- we had fun, so why shouldn't I think about him? I'll enjoy the memories, prolly use them for little sessions I like to call Me Time until the memory fades. Sometimes things should be appreciated for what they are and nothing more. Everything has a start and a finish. That's just the nature of things. (And as I mentioned he did cut me off for a few weeks. I wasn't at all hurt or offended.)

Once again for the record, this would NOT be the case if it weren't for the age gap.
Hmm, interesting, just wanted to hear your perspective.

I agree there is a start and finish to everything, appreciate what is in the moment and enjoy the memories.
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Old 06-17-2010, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,798,808 times
Reputation: 2331
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
To me, leaving by 6 am is a rule. If I have to leave by 6 am to avoid emotional attachment, I would not bother. I don't see the point. (And this is the point of my thread: Are women working to hard to convince themselves that they are ok with casual sex when they in fact are not??)

No, we are not dating. We get together, are very affection, (making out/groping for hours etc) and have a lot of sex. We aren't dating, we have coffee and talk and he plays the piano (and I occasionally sing) because we enjoy doing it and enjoy each other's company for what it is. We can do this because neither of us fear emotional attachment... it's simply not going to happen.

I think that you find it too much like a date to talk to the guy like a person and enjoy their personality and company kinda shows that casual sex isn't for you. I don't think its for many of us. If this guy were my age, I would not be with him ever, because that would be a form of casual sex I can't handle without emotions. So I just don't do it, I don't dupe myself into making it ok.
Be it 6a or 7a. Be it once or twice whatever the case. Casual or hookup is that.

Hey, can I come by
Hey, I'm leaving the club, can I come by
Hey, you ready for me to ..., can I come by

I enjoy his company. He's a very sweet guy. We are two people enjoying each others company and pleasure. Both of us are fine with that. I don't feel slighted to not get breakfast or coffee. He doesn't either.

I'll be honest to say, if I was doing all THAT you are doing. I would get confused. Like I said, it sounds like a date to ME. If, it was casual and he throw those things into it. We would stop, because it's not what I'm looking for.
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Old 06-17-2010, 06:28 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,676,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Be it 6a or 7a. Be it once or twice whatever the case. Casual or hookup is that.

Hey, can I come by
Hey, I'm leaving the club, can I come by
Hey, you ready for me to ..., can I come by

I enjoy his company. He's a very sweet guy. We are two people enjoying each others company and pleasure. Both of us are fine with that. I don't feel slighted to not get breakfast or coffee. He doesn't either.

I'll be honest to say, if I was doing all THAT you are doing. I would get confused. Like I said, it sounds like a date to ME. If, it was casual and he throw those things into it. We would stop, because it's not what I'm looking for.
I hear what your saying. It's just that I don't get out of bed even at 7 am unless I have a flight to catch... I find it weird to need an alarm clock for a sexual encounter. But then, you find it weird that I like to have coffee and sober daylight conversation with mine.

To each her own, I suppose is the true message we can take from these differences: If you find what works for you go with it, and if you don't find what works for you, don't bother to do this sort of thing.
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Old 06-17-2010, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Maryland
2,652 posts, read 4,798,808 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I hear what your saying. It's just that I don't get out of bed even at 7 am unless I have a flight to catch... I find it weird to need an alarm clock for a sexual encounter. But then, you find it weird that I like to have coffee and sober daylight conversation with mine.

To each her own, I suppose is the true message we can take from these differences: If you find what works for you go with it, and if you don't find what works for you, don't bother to do this sort of thing.
Since I wake up early for work. I wake up early on the weekend. I normally up around that time. So, no alarm clock involved. Whenever I wake, it's another round or I go home.
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Old 06-17-2010, 07:12 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,676,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Since I wake up early for work. I wake up early on the weekend. I normally up around that time. So, no alarm clock involved. Whenever I wake, it's another round or I go home.
Ah ok, big difference. As a later sleeper its disturbing to me, so I'll translate it into 8:30 am in my world. Early but not insane, though still much earlier than I would leave.
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Old 06-17-2010, 08:49 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,485 posts, read 7,311,825 times
Reputation: 2913
I don't think you are crazy. Women have in general programmed themselves into thinking that they are exercising their equality when they have casual sex. But then they get all hurt when they can't accept the reputation, or when the guy doesn't show interest in a relationship. They get all angsty and pine for love, but continue to have casual sex that they regret. I think it's a conflict of the mind and body. The body wants it - the mind doesn't.
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Old 06-17-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,676,925 times
Reputation: 10386
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I don't think you are crazy. Women have in general programmed themselves into thinking that they are exercising their equality when they have casual sex. But then they get all hurt when they can't accept the reputation, or when the guy doesn't show interest in a relationship. They get all angsty and pine for love, but continue to have casual sex that they regret. I think it's a conflict of the mind and body. The body wants it - the mind doesn't.
I think this really is correct.
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