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When I speak of someone not being ready, I usually mean mentally and emotionally equipped to be in a relationship.
And yes it is true that there are a variety of dysfunctional people out there doing little more than "hooking up" but you seem interested in something more substantial and meaningful, so it might "take a minute" for you because you're looking for the real thing. Bravo. Anything worth having is worth preparation and sacrifice. Sometimes you can be completely ready and The One will not automatically appear. Sorry. You'll need some patience for that one.
From my experience, the best advice I could give you in the meantime, is to follow your passion. That would be your passion for things other than the opposite sex. If you don't know what your passion is, sign up for a few classes with your city's Learning Annex or Continuing Education or University Extension departments at community colleges and university. These classes will engage your mind and you can engage your fellow class participants in conversation. Do you like a certain kind of music? Go to outdoor festivals and enjoy the show. Don't go there looking for someone to meet. Go there to enjoy yourself. Is food your thing? There are wine tastings and food festivals going on often in cities. Do you like movies? Don't just go to regular movies. Go to theatres that host film retrospectives. How it works is a mystery to me, but there is something very attractive about a person who is focused on their passion. Maybe it suggests they are secure, actively involved with life, an interesting person. But it is definitely attractive to others. Usually others who share your interests. Good luck. When you find yourself, love will find you.
After my divorce it took time to feel that I had something to offer another person. I needed to lick my wounds for awhile.
Also, being a single parent of teenagers, I really didn't want to be serious with anyone until my kids were grown and out of the house. We had a peaceful household and I didn't want to disrupt our lives again by adding another person/kids.
That's just me. I enjoyed the time I had to myself and the time I spent one on one with my children. They were good years. I liked meeting/dating people on a superficial level but kept things casual. Then at the the right time, the right man came along and everything else fell into place.
What can you do to get ready and be prepared? I'd advise anyone to just get out and start enjoying your life. Don't wait around and don't fall into a rut doing the same things at the same places week after week. Experience new things and meet new people. Be open and approachable.
Excellent advice! I'm divorced now for seven years with 3 kids. At the time of our divorce they were 12, 7, & 3. It's been a long time since I've even dated. Actually, can't really wrap my head around 'dating' per se. A man has come into my life, but I'm the one that is 'holding out'. He wants a closer relationship (so he said) and so do I, but I can't let go of the fear and open up to him. He asked me once how long does it take to heal and I just said I didn't know. In the meantime, I just keep working, taking care of my kids, and trying to do other things that I enjoy. I considering moving to another city, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just running from him.
When I speak of someone not being ready, I usually mean mentally and emotionally equipped to be in a relationship.
And yes it is true that there are a variety of dysfunctional people out there doing little more than "hooking up" but you seem interested in something more substantial and meaningful, so it might "take a minute" for you because you're looking for the real thing. Bravo. Anything worth having is worth preparation and sacrifice. Sometimes you can be completely ready and The One will not automatically appear. Sorry. You'll need some patience for that one.
From my experience, the best advice I could give you in the meantime, is to follow your passion. That would be your passion for things other than the opposite sex. If you don't know what your passion is, sign up for a few classes with your city's Learning Annex or Continuing Education or University Extension departments at community colleges and university. These classes will engage your mind and you can engage your fellow class participants in conversation. Do you like a certain kind of music? Go to outdoor festivals and enjoy the show. Don't go there looking for someone to meet. Go there to enjoy yourself. Is food your thing? There are wine tastings and food festivals going on often in cities. Do you like movies? Don't just go to regular movies. Go to theatres that host film retrospectives. How it works is a mystery to me, but there is something very attractive about a person who is focused on their passion. Maybe it suggests they are secure, actively involved with life, an interesting person. But it is definitely attractive to others. Usually others who share your interests. Good luck. When you find yourself, love will find you.
I agree.
I'd also add that being ready is about being mentally and emotionally well, or at least not to the point that it would be a drag on the relationship.
This IMO means no baggage (or not letting it affect current relationships), and no conditions that would make being with the person difficult. This includes depression, and other mental health issues.
The second sentence in the second paragraph may seem off, but few would want to be in a relationship with somebody continuously down or unhappy.
Why do you have to appear to being interesting to attract someone. This is what truly gets on my nerves about dating about trying to prove yourself to someone and it comes off phoney. I am not just going to go to an event by myself to just to go. The only things I like to do are run, dance, travel, and go to bars. Also, I do not like joining clubs because all my focus would be to meet people and not the activity. Oh Yes I said it, I actually like trying to go out meet people at bars.
True, you aren't ever going to be "ready" per se for just about everything and anything that comes along in life but the best way to be in general is just be secure in yourself, be happy with yourself, be healthy and when things do come along be it love or anything else - you are definitely more ready than others would be. I think the key to any good relationship is just to not bring any baggage at all into it - Im talking emotional baggage. Straighten yourself out, invest in yourself before you put yourself into someone elses life. Remember, when you carry emotional baggage into someones life you are forcing that on them when they didn't ask for it. Also, do things when you're ready not when society, friends or family dictactes it for you. When people do things before they are truly ready, it almost always never pans out; no matter what the "it" is.
I read very frequently on this website about how people are searching for love and companionship and to them it seems impossible to find. This is debatable as everyone meets people at their own pace. However, the responses were something that always got me curious. Over and over again when soemone expresses their feelings of being single and not liking being alone the overwhelming response is usually, "Maybe, you're just not ready." I always wondered exactly what that meant. How does one begin to walk a path that will get them ready to be in a relationship? I see people who are strung out on drugs and people who have mental problems stemming from unsolved issues from their past. However, these people are frequently in relationships with little to no attempt (going out, dating websites, belonging to a church/social group.) For some people it seems to come natural and for others (like me) I feel become single for years at a time and do not realize what they are doing wrong. I'm 27 and am single and have not been in a relationship in over 2 years. What can I and the rest of the single people here do to get ready and be prepared? Maybe I can start by stop thinking about it so much.
I read an article once which made a lot of sense: the gist of it was, "Be the person you want to attract"
In other words, "like attracts like". If you want to attract a fit, fun person, BECOME a fit fun person. If you like brains and a great sense of humour, develop those qualities in yourself.
As far as the emotional health part goes, people are attracted to people as emotionally healthy or unhealthy as themselves - so if you are emotionally healthy with few hangups, you are looking for that as well - and that can take time.
Frequent the places where the people you would be attracted to hang out: the gym? health food store? library/bookstore? various activity clubs, etc.
yes
love comes knocking when people are enjoying their own life
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