Who Pays in an Early Relationship (woman, American, calling, friend)
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my mom was old skool and believed that the man should always pay. but my dad said don't give a man a reason to expect sex. i have tried to balance their lessons, and came to this conclusion: regardless of the stage in the relationship, the one who asks should be willing and able to pay and the one who receives should be willing and able to contribute. neither person should be expected to go way out of their budget to impress the other.
Hey queensgrl. With all due respect for your father and his advice, I came to the conclusion that men expect sex regardless of who pays.
Women pay = men expect sex.
Men pay = men expect sex.
So my date and I have been going out for 1 month now. We meet very frequently( every other day). He's talking about making a short trip to las vages. Should I offer to pay my own ticket and stuff?( first he said he will pay, the second time he said ticket is kinda expensive. i just feel kinda embarassing talking about money with him
Also, he refers me as " lover" which kinda bothers me. is it normal to call your date " lover"? does it mean it's more like a physical type relationship?
Thanks for your opinnions.)
It's always embarrassing when the female has to pay. I never notice any embarassment when the man is paying... Funny how that always happens..
It's always embarrassing when the female has to pay. I never notice any embarassment when the man is paying... Funny how that always happens..
Yeah, why is it that as much complaining as some men do about having to pick up the tab when they have asked someone on a date, men still find it embarrassing when their date has to pay the tab.
When my first dh and I were dating he didnt have the $$ to pay for dinner, instead of my just paying the tab outright, he insisted I slip him the $$ under the table so it looked as if he was paying.
I guess some men want women to pay likes its 2010, but act like its 1950.
So my date and I have been going out for 1 month now. We meet very frequently( every other day). He's talking about making a short trip to las vages. Should I offer to pay my own ticket and stuff?( first he said he will pay, the second time he said ticket is kinda expensive. i just feel kinda embarassing talking about money with him
Also, he refers me as " lover" which kinda bothers me. is it normal to call your date " lover"? does it mean it's more like a physical type relationship?
Thanks for your opinnions.)
Never go anywhere or do anything you can't afford to which includes:
1. paying your own way (eating, lodging, entertainment)
2. paying your own way back home if things go wrong
regardless of how long you have been dating. Until you are married or have joint accounts, don't assume HE will do all the paying.
Women pay = men expect sex.
Men pay = men expect sex.
Women pay?
It should actually be this way:
Men approach, take the initiative, ask phone number, ask out, pick her up, dine/wine her, send her flowers, buy her stuff, offer chivalry, protect her, propose, buy her an engagement ring, etc.
Women = they show up, sit back, and enjoy the ride.
Women are quick to say that whoever asks pays. We all know, and it has been agreed in different threads here already, that men do the vast majority of the asking. So why not say "Men should pay all the time" instead?
Babeechick,
What is it about chivalry that men don't understand? What is it about EQUALITY that women don't seem to understand? Actually, women do understand equality, only in the things that benefit them. Have you thought about offering chivalry as well? It's all about BOTH GENDERS being in the receiving end, what is so terrible about that? Or do you want it all for yourself instead of sharing?
I should be careful when talking to western girls about my vacation trips because if I say a friendly "...oh yeah, I am going to X part of the world for vacation...we should go!/Wanna go?/let's check it out/It would be great if you went/You will like it/etc." then she will be knocking on my door on departure date with her luggage asking me "So, where's my ticket?...you came out with the plan so you should pay for me, a gentleman does thoes things!". Women get so technical with these things to get things their way. See, we are not talking about us just having all the priviledges and benefits, as women, we are talking about SHARING, being EQUALS. It seems women don't want that and just want it all for themselves: men should take initiative, men should pay, men should propose, men should buy engagement ring, men should carry my stuff, etc. How about changing it to WE should take initiative equally, we should pay equally, we should propose, we should buy engagement rings, we should carry stuff together, etc. Does that sound terrible?
I totally have peace of mind when I travel with asian women. Call it coincidence, call it culture or whatever, but so far they have shown me less drama or entitlement just because they are women. They can come up with the plans or I come up with them, and it is all about US not "her, because she's a girl and I am suppose to act like a man which means I have to do it all for her". It's all about US. Took a Japanese girl I date to Cancun, Mexico before. I was all "Hey! I am taking a few weeks off to relax in Cancun, Mexico...Do you think you can take some days off? It would be awesome if you went with me. Come on! Let's go! Let me know what happens" She ended up going with me. My flight would go to a different route but I flew to an airport where she would do a connection and wait for 3 hours in that airport. I changed my route just to meet her in that airport and fly together to Cancun. Problems with expenses? Not at all. No such thing as "Ok, you owe me X...ok, take out your calculator..." Nope. Everything went smooth equally.
A friend from Japan called me telling me she was going on a business trip to Paris, France and later wanted to check out Morocco for another week or so. She came up with the plan, so what? She made the reservation for my hotel and her's. When I arrived, I simply asked her for the hotel receipt print out just to see what kind of services we would get and all but actually I also wanted to see how much it was. Easy, I paid my part, no problem. And all along the trip, it went smoothly. As simple as she taking the tab for our lunch and me calling the cab and paying. No drama, no nonsense. We were both equals, both valued, both taking care of each other in ALL ASPECTS of our trip, she taking my luggage in the airport and putting it in the cart as I arranged transportation, me taking the luggage in the hotel while she was checking in, etc. It's so simple to be equals really. Both in the receiving end, both offering chivalry, both taking care of expenses, everything revolving around BOTH OF US .
I am taking off again this summer. I am thinking of who to take with me .
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I can't say I've met one, either.
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