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I have no idea whether the OPs claims from three years ago are true or not, but I have good reason to suspect that a lot of people in their 40s and over - both men and women - have had such a generous helping of crap from the opposite sex that they're well and truly sated and would rather spend their time on something worthwhile.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in a comitted relationship with a sweet, soft-spoken and respectful woman whom I could trust. That kind of personality inspires me to treat them like angels; but the world these days apparently sees that as weakness, so women are told to be anything BUT that. It saddens me, but I can't change it - and I won't pretend to like it either. I've never even been particularly concerned with a woman's physical appearance. It isn't about being picky, it's about having learned what is a waste of time, energy, and money. Essentially, why bother? Women love to brag about their careers, for instance. Why would I care? I don't want a woman's money, and wouldn't take it if she offered. Telling me that you've never put any importance on having a family, why would that be a plus to me? So you go out clubbing with friends every weekend and get drunk; I think you are talking to the wrong guy - try the one walking around the room using the same line on one woman after another, he's more your speed. You have tatooed yourself head to toe because you think your body is beautiful? Umm, how would anyone know under all of that ink? Piercings? I was raised in the country, where nose rings were for Hogs. These things don't impress me. Things that do? Loyalty, faithfulness, warmth and kindness, a sweet disposition, and modesty. Have you done cruel or foolish things in the past? No problem; if you regret it, but if you want to brag about it, brag to someone else. What the world thinks is "fun" or "normal" doesn't concern me, everyone has a right to their own opinions. I have a right to mine as well though. I don't expect the world to produce such a woman for me, and I would never try to change anyone, which is why I've stopped looking - but I am sick to death of hearing people proclaiming that there must be something wrong with me because I have different values, and different desires, than them. Given the current rates of divorce, violent domestic crime, and fatherless children in this country, I don't see what's supposed to be so great about the world's values anyway.
As I said, I have never desired casual sex. I find the thought of physical intimacy without a comitted relationship repulsive. Within the context of love and commitment, it can be spectacular. I know that most people enjoy casual sex these days (particularly men), and I don't judge people - I just don't want any part of it myself. As for being "fun", I can be (and have been) lots of fun, but when I feel disrespected, mocked, even loathed by someone, odds are I won't be. When I was married to my first wife, I loved and trusted her - and was subsequently laughed at and mocked by those among my so-called friends who'd slept with her during our marriage. I also don't see how anyone can find pleasure in a relationship that they know will only be temporary, though I know many do. Dating for the sake of dating has no value to me. As a man, I'd be expected (and expect myself) to pay for everything, knowing that it would never lead to commitment and having no interest in casual sex. Conversation? The only conversation I hear from women these days is about reality TV, their shoes, their latest tatoo, and their sexual exploits - peppered with stories of how stupid and gullible all men are. No thanks. Not worth it.
Here you show that you have difficulty identifying/selecting appropriate people to be friends with, as well as appropriate people for a relationship/marriage. When a pattern like this appears in life, it's usually a sign of underlying issues that need to be explored and addressed with some professional help. Just saying.
I don't know why you're choosing to date tattooed women, women who are into reality TV, and women who collect sexual exploits and brag about them. I'd make different choices if I were you. I don't know where you're meeting these women, but you could try changing things up, trying different venues than you have before. Clearly, the venues/choices/approach you've been relying on have failed you miserably. Solution: try completely different venues/choices/approach. Good luck!
Isn't it ironic that as men enter the age where they can get practically any woman they want, many of them lose interest?
i can't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, so i apologize if my sarcasm detector isn't working but...
do you really think that the average man in his 40s "can get practically any woman [he wants]"? that's a pretty bizarre point of view that i think is most certainly out of touch with reality.
i can't tell if you were being sarcastic or not, so i apologize if my sarcasm detector isn't working but...
do you really think that the average man in his 40s "can get practically any woman [he wants]"? that's a pretty bizarre point of view that i think is most certainly out of touch with reality.
I'd venture her post is in regards to the kidlets who's mantra is "men age like wine, women like milk...."
And how the women have all the power in their 20s/30s but that power shifts to men in 30s/40s.
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Ruth4Truth; That would be great advise, but you see at my age the only women who even remotely match my desires are already happily married and will continue to be barring some tragedy. In my book, a woman who is married, living with someone, or even just currently in a relationship is "out of bounds". Yes, I have made poor choices in relationships and friends, and have learned from it. Tatoos, piercings, and so forth are becoming very popular with single women these days, since they match the popular "I don't need a man" attitude. As for other venues, where would you suggest I look for a woman who matches (even partially) what I've described as my desire? There are bars, websites, and random encounters in grocery stores etc. and that's about it. The problem with bars is obvious. Dating sites? tried every one I could find, and there isn't any discernable difference in any of the profiles I've seen (not good differences anyway). Men don't fix their friends up with people the way women do (or used to). Can't flirt at work without fear of losing your job (H.R. Incident). On top of all this, I don't really believe there are any such women anymore, and (as I related in a previous post) no reason to want marriage at this age anyway. If by "underlying issues" and "professional" you mean that I need to see a psychiatrist, I have. Turns out, making poor choices doesn't qualify as a psychiatric disorder. Neither does believing in old-fashioned values. I'd love to hear you explain how other people choosing to be unfaithful, disloyal, and cruel to me is clearly all my fault though - since that seems to be the gist of what you are saying.
OP: making poor choices isn't a psychiatric disorder. It's something psychologists (not psychiatrists) are set up to handle, but it's hard to find a good one. Like I said, when a strong pattern turns up in life, it can be helpful to explore potential roots of it in depth. A couple of bad choices can be just the luck of the draw. A consistent or frequent pattern? Often that's something quite different. I find it alarming and distressing, btw, that your friends (plural!) betrayed you. You deserve better. I hope things improve for you in the future.
Not bars, not dating sites. I don't know what kind of work you do, but professional associations and conferences can pan out over time. Getting involved in community activities, fundraisers, or hobby groups, doing charitable work, taking career-enhancement classes, and so forth can bring results over time. The advantage of this type of venue is that you get to know people over time by interacting with them in a low-key environment. You can observe their personalities over time. There are no false representations to deal with, as in OLD. You said you were raised in a Christian environment, with solid X-ian values? Church-related activities work for some people. There's no magic bullet, though. Everything takes time. The best things in life are worth waiting for.
professional associations and conferences can pan out over time. Getting involved in community activities, fundraisers, or hobby groups, doing charitable work, taking career-enhancement classes, and so forth can bring results over time. The advantage of this type of venue is that you get to know people over time by interacting with them in a low-key environment. You can observe their personalities over time. There are no false representations to deal with, as in OLD. You said you were raised in a Christian environment, with solid X-ian values? Church-related activities work for some people. There's no magic bullet, though. Everything takes time. The best things in life are worth waiting for.
Here's the problem with those ideas: I am not about false pretenses. If I am at a conference, I focus on career related issues. Charity work? I'm there working to support the charity, not for socializing. Church & related activities are about reverence towards God for me, not places to pick up women. I rarely "get to know" anyone this way, and even if I did, I wouldn't think of them that way - I'd associate them with what I was doing, i.e. "coworker", think "sister", not "single woman". BTW, it should be obvious that I have no interest at all in "career women", so professional associations and conferences would be a bad idea anyway. Also, suppose by some miracle I happened to meet someone somehow that I actually felt attracted to, what's the point at my age? There are a ton of risks in marriage (for me), and no benefit at this point. Help me understand why I should even care, let alone go out of my way trying.....
Last edited by Nopressurepeer; 12-31-2013 at 12:46 PM..
Reason: added
Here's the problem with those ideas: I am not about false pretenses. If I am at a conference, I focus on career related issues. Charity work? I'm there working to support the charity, not for socializing. Church & related activities are about reverence towards God for me, not places to pick up women. I rarely "get to know" anyone this way, and even if I did, I wouldn't think of them that way - I'd associate them with what I was doing, i.e. "coworker", think "sister", not "single woman". BTW, it should be obvious that I have no interest at all in "career women", so professional associations and conferences would be a bad idea anyway. Also, suppose by some miracle I happened to meet someone somehow that I actually felt attracted to, what's the point at my age? There are a ton of risks in marriage (for me), and no benefit at this point. Help me understand why I should even care, let alone go out of my way trying.....
Oh. Well, if you don't care, why are you posting on a relationships forum? Oh well. Never mind. Disregard my posts to you, then.
P.S. "Career women" have a way of turning into traditional stay-at-home moms, if that's what you're looking for (I guess I missed that in your posts.) I can relate about being work-oriented in some of those contexts, but the thing is, sometimes the unexpected can happen. John and Tereza Heinz-Kerry met at a charity fundraiser. And I mentioned many other options. Do something fun--take a theater improv class, a music course or series of dance classes, there are infinite options for good venues.
Oh yeah, now I remember why I was posting suggestions. It was in response to your question about where to meet women who aren't airheads like the ones you complained about. (See below.) So no, it's not at all obvious that you don't care. Maybe you could help us make sense of the mixed messages you're posting, so we can figure out why you're posting and better address whatever your true concern is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nopressurepeer;
As for other venues, where would you suggest I look for a woman who matches (even partially) what I've described as my desire?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-31-2013 at 01:25 PM..
Ruth4Truth: <laughs>, This particular thread began with a question; "True or False: Lots of men in their 40's lose interest in women". While I can't verify what the percentages are, I can speak for myself, and have here. Several questions about what could cause this to happen have been posted as well. I found the thread through curiosity, since I was unaware until recently that what I had seen as simply a personal choice was apparently common enough to warrant multiple articles in major publications and even forum discussions. The last line of my previous post was not an attack, it was a genuine question. Apparently a lot of people find my choice to be a strange one, and I truly don't understand why. I must be missing something. There must be some reason I should feel differently. I just wish someone could tell me what that reason is.
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that's a pretty bizarre point of view that i think is most certainly out of touch with reality.
