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Not asking for advice I just can't figure out why someone would show so much disrespect for their parent and allow them to live in a dirty home.
I've known this guy and his family about 4yrs and his sister still resides in his mothers home.Whenever I've gone over to his mothers house to visit her the house is always a mess.The kitchen floor looks like it hasn't been cleaned in along time and there's even cobwebs along the floorboards.The kitchen table and countertops are so dirty and clutterd that it's very hard to tell if there's a table or not.From what I can see of the top of the kitchen table the plastic tablecover and placemats are so filthy I'd be afraid to set any food on them.In the livingroom the coffee and end tables are so full of dust and stacked high with junk.
The mother is in the early stages of Alzheimers and isn't able to clean her own home anymore.
All the daughter does all day is sit around and watch tv and sleeps on the couch.I've had an older brother of my friend and the sister approach me and told me that I should go and clean up the house.I just simply and put it plainly clear to that older brother that it wasn't my place nor my job to clean up that house.If that older brother was/is so concerned then maybe he should go over to that house and clean it.
The ones livong there should clean it. I mean , damn , it's their mother. Then again , noone operates in equilibrium with each other. Hope for the best.
The ones livong there should clean it. I mean , damn , it's their mother. Then again , noone operates in equilibrium with each other. Hope for the best.
The only way for the home to ever get cleaned would be if the rest of the family throws out that lazy sister and then cleans.
What's so sad is that the dirty house reflects bad on the mother.Friends of the mother don't even come over to visit her anymore.If that woman was my own mother I would never ever allow her to live in that kind of situation.
If that's the case , then she should be ousted. I'm sure a family member would be willing to assist , I hope. When my late grandmother had Alzheimer's , everything fell apart , I mean bitterly. Eventually , she was placed into an assisted living center. Her house , which to the best of recollection , had been in the family for years. It was demolished in 1992. Even now , 14 years after she passed , some relatives harbor animosity toward one another. Personally , I can't fathom how anyone would allow their mother to live in squalor of that magnitude. Maybe suggesting a housekeeper , careperson , or other part time assistance would help. That's just a shame!!
First and foremost it is important to get the sister out of that home and make sure Mom is properly taken care of medically and physically. There are Elder Abuse/Neglect Agencies that can be called if the son is NOT man enough to stand up to his sister and tell her to get her lazy behind out. The health department can also be called because it is blatant neglect and abuse of an elderly person who is physically ill.
I agree though it is not your place nor your job to clean up HIS Mother's home but you could make the calls anonymously to the agencies and perhaps get the process started to have Mother and the home checked on.
I suspect the son doesn't want to take care of her either. Is there a reason his sister lives with her? How old is she? Is she mentally challenged as well? I just think that if the house is that dirty, that there might be some underlying issues with the sister's mental health.
We have a program here call home health care where they send a person out a couple days a week to spend an hour with the elderly in their home. They assess their health and report to doctors, bathe them and even clean their house. Maybe check to see if there is a similar program in your area to help her.
I, of course, have a different perspective on this. When you're involved in this type of situation, you have to let lots of "normal" attitudes go. I don't know the specifics, but when you have someone living with you who can't manage their own affairs, and can't help but constantly make messes and trash everything within reach, then for your sanity you've go to let the mess go. When it was me, MY room and bathroom were, as always, neat and clean. The rest of the house was a horrific mess. There wasn't much point in trying to clean it, other than my desire to keep it from becoming infested, when everytime it just gets undone.
Yes, I agree that they should take advantage of any public or private assistance offered in that area if they can afford it (it ain't free folks) and that they should probably be arranging to move her out, again if they can afford it.
Unless things change substantially, I think we'll all have to get used to these types of family dynamics as our parents or partners age and get these types of diseases.
I've known this guy and his family about 4yrs and his sister still resides in his mothers home. Whenever I've gone over to his mothers house to visit her the house is always a mess......
.....All the daughter does all day is sit around and watch tv and sleeps on the couch.I've had an older brother of my friend and the sister approach me and told me that I should go and clean up the house.I just simply and put it plainly clear to that older brother that it wasn't my place nor my job to clean up that house.If that older brother was/is so concerned then maybe he should go over to that house and clean it.
Let's see.
There are three siblings being discussed here, right?
The daughter who lives in the house.
The son who has been your "friend" for four years.
The son who is the oldest brother of the two above.
Is this "friend" your boyfriend? Have you complained about the house to him?
I suspect the oldest brother doesn't expect you to clean the house. It sounds more like a response to your talking about how dirty the house is.
Why doesn't your "friend" clean the house? It's his mother too. And I think it would be appropriate to help him clean if you are in a serious relationship with him.
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