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As a caretaker for my grandmother I think I can add a few things to this topic.
Caring for an elderly person is very hard...especially the emotional side. There is always the fear of taking too much of their freedom and the elder losing their autonomy but then there is the risk of the person not being able to make the most sound decisions...finding a balance is difficult.
Going through a loved ones personal items is very hard...the things I thought should be discarded many times ended up being very important to my grandmother so it got to the point where I felt as if I was stepping on toes when I wanted to help.
Sometimes offering to help clean up was taken as an attack because she thought I was implying her home was not clean or that she was not capable of doing for herself anymore.
The list goes on and on. If I had to go back and do this over again, I would definitely hire someone to come in. There are actually people who specialize in moving the elderly and they are also trained to help go through their things in a compassionate way that is not offensive or pushy.
Cherie, I have to agree with you about being concerned about someone accusing you if something should go missing, especially since the person who owns the home has Alzheimer's. My grandmother does not have Alzheimer's and she was convinced my son had taken a large amount of cash from her until we realized she had given it as a gift to someone who had gotten married. This situation is better left for the family to hire someone to help.
Very good points taken!! I would think that if she has known the family for 4 years, she would know how to handle his Mother, but it sounds best to let the family handle it. Good luck OP!
Very good points taken!! I would think that if she has known the family for 4 years, she would know how to handle his Mother, but it sounds best to let the family handle it. Good luck OP!
Yank, my aunt (my very crazy aunt!!) even accused me of stealing from my grandmother and she had known me my entire life! People get so crazy when it comes to the care of their elderly relatives...it is usually the people who aren't caring for them though!
Yank, my aunt (my very crazy aunt!!) even accused me of stealing from my grandmother and she had known me my entire life! People get so crazy when it comes to the care of their elderly relatives...it is usually the people who aren't caring for them though!
Alzheimer`s patients can be very hard to handle..your right!
I have one as a patient now, and her daughter is having a very hard time with her.
Not asking for advice I just can't figure out why someone would show so much disrespect for their parent and allow them to live in a dirty home.
I've known this guy and his family about 4yrs and his sister still resides in his mothers home.Whenever I've gone over to his mothers house to visit her the house is always a mess.The kitchen floor looks like it hasn't been cleaned in along time and there's even cobwebs along the floorboards.The kitchen table and countertops are so dirty and clutterd that it's very hard to tell if there's a table or not.From what I can see of the top of the kitchen table the plastic tablecover and placemats are so filthy I'd be afraid to set any food on them.In the livingroom the coffee and end tables are so full of dust and stacked high with junk.
The mother is in the early stages of Alzheimers and isn't able to clean her own home anymore.
All the daughter does all day is sit around and watch tv and sleeps on the couch.I've had an older brother of my friend and the sister approach me and told me that I should go and clean up the house.I just simply and put it plainly clear to that older brother that it wasn't my place nor my job to clean up that house.If that older brother was/is so concerned then maybe he should go over to that house and clean it.
When people live that way it's a symptom of a much bigger problem.
If your friend is unaware of the implications of living that way you should take the time to educate him.
If he won't believe you then you have to assume he's got some of the same mental issues his sister living there has.
Maybe I've been watching too many episodes of realtiy TV (lol) but here is my thought. If she's THAT ill and unable to clean her own home and these two are probably sucking up her social security checks, perhaps someone needs to make a discreet and anonymous call to social services to come evaluate the situation and possibly resolve the issue.
Better yet, the OP should contact one of those reality programs and see if they'll do an episode on this family. Then we call can watch.
Otherwise, adreasercheron's idea is as sound as any.
When people live that way it's a symptom of a much bigger problem.
If your friend is unaware of the implications of living that way you should take the time to educate him.
If he won't believe you then you have to assume he's got some of the same mental issues his sister living there has.
Get further involved with him at your own risk.
Why are some people who post here putting the blame on my friend.It's obvious some of you are't reading my recent comments.
He cleaned his mothers home when he was living in it long before she was in her early/begining stages of Alzhemiers.I stated from the begining I WAS NOT asking for advice.Like I asked yankee, would any of you continue to clean up after an adult person if it wasn't your mess? Yes I've known this family for 4 yrs so what.I have family members of my own that I wouldn't just impose on their homes and begin cleaning.
The son has cleaned.Would you like to continue to clean up messes which aren't yours to begin with?
Well, in a situation like that, yes..I would offer to clean up someone elses messes, but I would also make it clear to the daughter that she can pick up her own dirty laundry!
But, if she has alzheimer`s, then it could be a more delicate situation, as Mrstewart pointed out.
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People get so crazy when it comes to the care of their elderly relatives...it is usually the people who aren't caring for them though!
