Why do some women become a man's life-time doormat? (date, wife, sociopath)
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This may sound harsh to say - But, it is the truth...Some women actually make themselves doormats for a particular guy.
During the course of my life, I've known 3 women like this (perhaps there are men like this, but I do not know any). Two of them I worked with on different occasions, and one was a neighbor (who was actually open with us about it over the years that she lived next to us).
And it's the same history each time:
- A young guy and young girl work together, are both single. The woman is usually nice, the man is outgoing but the type other guys consider sort of a "BS artist".
- The young man and woman start a relationship, but typically really just a sexual reelationship (though apparently she thinks it's more). And he uses some excuse, such as "We work together, we have to keep it to ourselves"...And, he goes on to date other women.
- He eventually get's married to someone else, claiming to her that it's a "family (pressure) thing", religious, or some other line of bullcrap...And the woman falls for it.
- Amazingly, she keeps seeing him on the side..She, keeps supporting herself, and waiting around for him...?????
- And, it goes on forever....Him giving her one line of bullcrap after another...
It's a sad situation, because each of these women that I knew were pretty nice women (until they allowed themselves to become simply a doormat).
The amazing thing is that when other guys try to get close to them or date them - The women actually start to avoid them. And here I think that the BS artist is at work..Because typically these guys (using them as a doormat) are the type that would criticize anyone and everyone...So, I suspect that they're telling the woman something (negative) about any guy that tries to get close to her.
What's surprising is that usually these women have a circle of friends that seem to not tell her the truth about herself...(though I could be wrong about this).
The sad part is that eventually the women are "let go" from work, or ostracized by others in the office - After all, they're the ones now pursuing an affair with a married family man. (And I have to admit, I myself began to look at these women as "not all there", and just avoided talking to them - inlcuding our neighbor).
...And, after all of this...They continue to be the guy's doormat.
Is it a mental thing?...Or, are they just naive (to a line of BS)?
I have friends like that. I think many women (well I guess people in general I suppose) try to be the "saver" and think that they could rescue the guy. I have been that at times.
This may sound harsh to say - But, it is the truth...Some women actually make themselves doormats for a particular guy.
During the course of my life, I've known 3 women like this (perhaps there are men like this, but I do not know any). Two of them I worked with on different occasions, and one was a neighbor (who was actually open with us about it over the years that she lived next to us).
And it's the same history each time:
- A young guy and young girl work together, are both single. The woman is usually nice, the man is outgoing but the type other guys consider sort of a "BS artist".
- The young man and woman start a relationship, but typically really just a sexual reelationship (though apparently she thinks it's more). And he uses some excuse, such as "We work together, we have to keep it to ourselves"...And, he goes on to date other women.
- He eventually get's married to someone else, claiming to her that it's a "family (pressure) thing", religious, or some other line of bullcrap...And the woman falls for it.
- Amazingly, she keeps seeing him on the side..She, keeps supporting herself, and waiting around for him...?????
- And, it goes on forever....Him giving her one line of bullcrap after another...
It's a sad situation, because each of these women that I knew were pretty nice women (until they allowed themselves to become simply a doormat).
The amazing thing is that when other guys try to get close to them or date them - The women actually start to avoid them. And here I think that the BS artist is at work..Because typically these guys (using them as a doormat) are the type that would criticize anyone and everyone...So, I suspect that they're telling the woman something (negative) about any guy that tries to get close to her.
What's surprising is that usually these women have a circle of friends that seem to not tell her the truth about herself...(though I could be wrong about this).
The sad part is that eventually the women are "let go" from work, or ostracized by others in the office - After all, they're the ones now pursuing an affair with a married family man. (And I have to admit, I myself began to look at these women as "not all there", and just avoided talking to them - inlcuding our neighbor).
...And, after all of this...They continue to be the guy's doormat.
Is it a mental thing?...Or, are they just naive (to a line of BS)?
That's a good question.. I have never really understood why some girls think a man will leave his wife for her.. I know it's happened before but imo it very rare.
I have friends like that. I think many women (well I guess people in general I suppose) try to be the "saver" and think that they could rescue the guy. I have been that at times.
That's another crazy thing right there too.. Why do some girl's think they are not like the other girls pursuing him-- they are different because they are 'rescuing' the guy...??
That's another crazy thing right there too.. Why do some girl's think they are not like the other girls pursuing him-- they are different because they are 'rescuing' the guy...??
So, you're saying you've known 3 women who have all been fired from work for being with a married man, who have all had the exact same situation, point for point as you described?
You've known 3 women in this situation during the course of your entire life, then proceed to say that these women "usually" have friends who don't tell them the truth about themselves. Then you predicate that with "I could be wrong about this.". This sounds like (surprise!) another platform to "ostracize" these doormats.
Men and women both suffer from low self-worth. Doesn't make sense, doesn't make it right, but when it is all you know, it's a hard habit to break. It's really easy for someone who has had the good fortune to not have their issues to say "I would never do that." and shame them for not being as strong. This isn't much different than what the BS artists and other abusers do, by the way.
When I want to know about something this complex, I do the research and seek out reliable sources. As much as there are people here who know what they're talking about, there are more who only think they know it all and are not at all interested in the truth. So, I'm sure you will find plenty of people here who will agree with you who could also be wrong.
Sometimes it's hard to let go if you're really into somebody even if you see the situation for what it is... It might've not been to this extent, but I'm pretty sure it's happened to almost everybody at one time or another.
This may sound harsh to say - But, it is the truth...Some women actually make themselves doormats for a particular guy.
Is it a mental thing?...Or, are they just naive (to a line of BS)?
Look into psychopath (http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/protecting_yourself_from_psychopaths - broken link). Thanks to Hollywood, most people equate this term with serial killers. Not true, and many psychopaths are not criminal at all.
Female psychopaths exist also.
Do a little research and you'll find countless stories of both men and women who have fallen victim to them.
I don't think anyone is really immune but they tend to target individuals at vulnerable times in their lives because they are easier to manipulate.
Look into psychopath (http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/article.cfm/protecting_yourself_from_psychopaths - broken link). Thanks to Hollywood, most people equate this term with serial killers. Not true, and many psychopaths are not criminal at all.
This is one possibility--but only one. Amazingly, 1:10 people exhibit some degree of sociopathy, flying well under the radar. Sociopathy is typically associated with violent crimes, but these types of people (e.g., serial killers, rapists) are rare. You're far more likely to encounter a high-functioning sociopath who's basically a user. I had my own encounter with one; I consider myself a very intelligent, astute person, and trust me when I say I had no idea it was coming.
But, as for why some women continue to remain men's doormats even when they know what's going on, I question if this has something to do with how girls are typically raised. Many are taught by mom and dad to "stand by your man" to preserve a marriage or relationship.
My own mom, God love her, was extremely blunt with me. She told me, "Most guys only want to use women for sex; only a few nice men will want to marry you," and I came to find out that was pretty true. I haven't had too much of a problem with the doormat situation. Whenever something happens that even alludes to usuriousness, I'm out the door.
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