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Strange notion that a couple would be more prone to breakup if they don't make those vows. I wonder if there are statistics on the breakup rates of couples who got married with and without such vows, and even couples who never got married at all
Being an atheist, I don't believe in any quotes from the bible and similar books. Just human prose...
Strange notion that a couple would be more prone to breakup if they don't make those vows. I wonder if there are statistics on the breakup rates of couples who got married with and without such vows, and even couples who never got married at all
Being an atheist, I don't believe in any quotes from the bible and similar books. Just human prose...
That's fine, you don't have to believe them. But your prior statement basically said you can make the religious people happy by changing the vows to say, "Till death do us part, God willing"--and I was trying to explain why that wouldn't work.
Saying the vows doesn't do much. Meaning what you say, when you say it has a heck of a lot of power. There are hundreds of books on the power of positive thinking. We have our wedding vows hanging on the wall of our bedroom. Every day, I see them, I remember, and I repeat them to myself. "I promise to love and honor you every day of my life." If I had "I promise to love and honor you as long as it benefits me", there are a lot of days I wouldn't feel like doing either.
...The world is a very different place. Those simplistic ideas do not translate into the modern world. Trying to force them to is destined to fail and a recipe for guilt, unhappiness, and a making of shambles out of marriage. Oh, wait...that already happened.
Exactly who forces anyone to make vows?
When people make their wedding vows (even ones that are non-traditional, or ones they have written themselves) it would only seem logical to assume that they take them intending to keep them. The only "guilt" that should come into the picture is when people do not do everything in their power to make the marriage a happy and fulfilling one.
The second time I got married my vows were identical to the first time. On both occasions my intention was to keep them. The first marriage didn't work out so well - despite my best intentions and affirmative actions. Do I have any guilt about the first marriage ending in divorce? Of course not. I absolutely did all I could to make it work. And when all avenues of hope were exhausted, then and only then did I walk - with a clean conscience. Religion and all.
I know, positive thinking books are big business. I don't believe in that kind of self-brainwashing. I suppose if one believes in it, it can work. Just like with placebos and religion. But if one does not believe in it, it is just words or sugar and one is probably more likely to let feelings or reason reign.
...You cannot lower the bar because some people don't make it forever. You are suggesting that marriage is too hard, so we should just promise to "love each other as long as its convenient". If that's your expectation going in, there's no way you're going to make it.
Lower the bar, and people will trip over it.
I take my vows incredibly seriously, and I am blessed that my husband does as well. When I am stressed out, cranky, and fall apart in tears I know he is still going to be there by my side, forever. The fact that both of us said (and meant) our vows give us an incredible assurance that we wouldn't have if you put an "escape clause" into them.
Can't rep you again without spreading some love around, so here's a high five instead
I know, positive thinking books are big business. I don't believe in that kind of self-brainwashing. I suppose if one believes in it, it can work. Just like with placebos and religion. But if one does not believe in it, it is just words or sugar and one is probably more likely to let feelings or reason reign.
Are you saying that you don't believe the words that come out of your own mouth? If YOU say the words - ANY words on ANY subject - regardless of where your religious beliefs lie, shouldn't you mean, believe in and intend to fulfill your own words?
I know, positive thinking books are big business. I don't believe in that kind of self-brainwashing. I suppose if one believes in it, it can work. Just like with placebos and religion. But if one does not believe in it, it is just words or sugar and one is probably more likely to let feelings or reason reign.
You don't think believing in yourself is a powerful motivator?
I'm a teacher--let me tell you, my students perform FAR better when I encourage them and tell them they are capable of A's and B's than when I say, "You're right, math's too hard for you, let's just get you a C- so you don't have to repeat this class."
Vows are only as good as the people making them, and even good people can be swayed by bad circumstances. Our vows only said "... as long as you both shall Love." It's working great so far. It would be working even without marriage, or vows.
Are you saying that you don't believe the words that come out of your own mouth? If YOU say the words - ANY words on ANY subject - regardless of where your religious beliefs lie, shouldn't you mean, believe in and intend to fulfill your own words?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07
You don't think believing in yourself is a powerful motivator?
I'm a teacher--let me tell you, my students perform FAR better when I encourage them and tell them they are capable of A's and B's than when I say, "You're right, math's too hard for you, let's just get you a C- so you don't have to repeat this class."
I am not a kid that needs motivation. I am a grown-up, I do things when I feel like doing them or when I have to do them because of laws etc., but not because I tell myself I have to do them.
Vows are only as good as the people making them, and even good people can be swayed by bad circumstances. Our vows only said "... as long as you both shall Love." It's working great so far. It would be working even without marriage, or vows.
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