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Getting serious here but it may be too late to train an Old Dog.
Knowing the power of women I would 1st have a serious heart to heart talk with Mr Crudeness and let him know your displeasure. Then you as a women need to start the "Good behavior gets reward / Bad behavior gets punishment" program that I would use on just about any dog / horse / man.
Use your feminine charm & powers to change the traits of this man. Too bad he didn't have a parent bop him in the head about 40 years ago when he was the cute kid making obnoxious noises.
Like a wild dog he may be untrainable. JMO
YES!
And here's the hard part. GIVE HIM NO ENCOURAGEMENT! Don't laugh or act like it's funny even if it is. You have to be displeased and act it.
In all seriousness, crude behaviour by your SO is a reflection on you. I would never put up with that, ever. I expect a socially acceptable standard of behaviour by anyone I am seen in public with. If he continues with this juvenile and frankly, disgusting antic, stop going out with him.
You said, "knew/dated/lived with him for four years before we married. For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out"
It sounds to me like the "real him" came out well before you married him - yet you married him anyway?
I know some of you (or a lot of you) will suggest counseling, but I have to say upfront that I don't see that as a possibility. I took my adopted daughter for counseling for years and all the therapists did was enable her to feel sorry for herself - I never saw any benefit from taking her, and yes, I did try several different therapists.
Thanks for adding that, seriously. I mean it. Kudos to you
If only every new member adds this in the end, the world will be a much more peaceful place.
No way could I ever "fight fire with fire." That's just not me, and besides, I know positively that he would be tickled to death if I did. It wouldn't embarass him at all.
When my dad passed, we went to the funeral home for family night, and my husband farted extremely loudly when we got inside. How could I not be embarrassed by that????
Is it possible the socially unacceptable behaviors are passive aggressive?
Maybe he doesn't want to go shopping with you or family functions and acts as crude as he possibly can in hopes that he can stay home.
OP, I found this thread on a google search because I am experiencing similar difficulties in my marriage. Please know that I empathize. To everyone else who says "suck it up" because we "knew what we were getting into", have a heart. Don't you think we would have done things differently if it were possible to go back? Maybe at the time we thought we could live with their antics or even found them amusing at the time. People change and tolerances change. OP, send me a message at [email]maddash6666@yahoo.ca[/email] if you'd like to talk one on one.
Last edited by TotallyRandomMe; 12-05-2010 at 04:14 AM..
Reason: I put the wrong email in
What you need is a good insect repellant to kill those barking spiders that crawl up his pants.
But seriously, I think he wants attention and thinks his antics are humorous.
He seems to have a childish way of getting noticed.
Don't know what the cure is for that.
We all pass gas once in awhile. But most mature adlults don't make it a public showing. Or maybe I should say public noising.
He may have a low self esteem problem and this is his way of getting people to notice him and maybe give them a laugh.
Any person at his age should be over that by now.
Even if it is a medical problem, a mature person would try to keep the noise down.
Was he like this when you were dating, farting in public, acting immature and unable to hold a job? Or are you saying he started changing 2.5 years ago, after you married?
(PS I think people here go over board with suggesting counseling.)
ETA: I missed this part: For about the first year and a half after we met, he was a "gentleman" and I fell in love with him. Then the "real" him came out, and oh how embarassing.
Sorry but I think you are out of luck and have to grin and bear it. You knew what you were getting in to, he did not dupe you. The real him came out, and you chose to marry him anyway. I think it is unfair of you to try to control his behavior now.
Yep, you knew he was like this for about 2 years and married him anyways. You can continue to try to talk to him about it and I think as a good husband who cares about your feelings he should tone it down some, but you picked him!
OP, I found this thread on a google search because I am experiencing similar difficulties in my marriage. Please know that I empathize. To everyone else who says "suck it up" because we "knew what we were getting into", have a heart. Don't you think we would have done things differently if it were possible to go back? Maybe at the time we thought we could live with their antics or even found them amusing at the time. People change and tolerances change. OP, send me a message at maddash6666@yahoo.ca if you'd like to talk one on one.
You're right, we're heartless for blaming you for your choices.
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