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My husband upgraded his cell. He gave me his old one.
I was checking Facebook when I realized it wasn't my account.
I don't know why I did it, but I clicked messages.
There was one from a woman I didn't recognize, so I read it.
I think he wanted to get caught. He said that he "thought he deleted it."
He's taking full responsibility for this. He has unfriended her on FB and deleted her from the phone.
I'm not sure if I can ever trust him again.
Here's what I know:
She was his first girlfriend (high school)
Despite that I have never heard her name before, but have heard of all the others.
She broke up with him unexpectedly way back then.
She is the "one that got away"
They have kept in touch all these years (20+)
They loose touch periodically, but when they reconnect its "flirty"
They talked primarily on Facebook, but a few times on text/phone calls.
They recently crossed a line that they had never before.
He told her he loves her. And has always. That its not in the friendship sense.
She told him she loved him, too.
They haven't met up again. She lives far.
There was a nude photo of her on his FB messages.
I, believe, he sent her one, too.
Based on the messages, I think there may have been some phone sex.
Apparently, they talked for about 6 months (this time) with the "I Love Yous" and sharing their lives being primary.
He cut her off once the phone sex happened. I believe its been a few months.
He says he cut her off because he knew that he was spiraling out of control.
He says its over and wants to work this out.
I cant get past a few things:
He said he loves her. He talked about them getting back together some day when things were different. He said that he wished things had worked out differently.
Although I didn't see it being said, I get the impression both felt like they were/are soul mates.
They talked about him leaving me and being with her or simply having an affair (to which he said he couldn't setting for that.)
She was the one unwilling to be with him. Telling him not to leave me. (Apparently she had no problem having an emotional affair with my husband, but leaving me was unheard of. B*tch)
Their conversations seem more "loving/romantic" then just fling/affair.
I told him to cut her off. He left for work and then called her. It was a 20 minute conversation on the phone. He deleted it from his call log, but I looked it up on the account.
He said he just needed to tell her that he was sorry and good bye.
Today, his best friends wife called me. Apparently, my husband confided in her husband that the two of them made a plan for "secret" messages and that he couldn't imagine never talking to her again. That he still loved her, but he had to put his marriage ahead of their friendship. He hoped that some day they could talk again when all this blew over.
Im worried that he's going to ultimately leave me for her.
Should I believe him this was just a fling and ment nothing, and that he wont do it again?
I feel like if this had been a drunken hookup with a coworker- Id be able to deal with this easier.
None that I can really offer up. I can only imagine what it must be like to be in your position. Do you have kids? That would certainly complicate things.
My husband upgraded his cell. He gave me his old one.
I was checking Facebook when I realized it wasn't my account.
I don't know why I did it, but I clicked messages.
There was one from a woman I didn't recognize, so I read it.
I think he wanted to get caught. He said that he "thought he deleted it."
He's taking full responsibility for this. He has unfriended her on FB and deleted her from the phone.
I'm not sure if I can ever trust him again.
Here's what I know:
She was his first girlfriend (high school)
Despite that I have never heard her name before, but have heard of all the others.
She broke up with him unexpectedly way back then.
She is the "one that got away"
They have kept in touch all these years (20+)
They loose touch periodically, but when they reconnect its "flirty"
They talked primarily on Facebook, but a few times on text/phone calls.
They recently crossed a line that they had never before.
He told her he loves her. And has always. That its not in the friendship sense.
She told him she loved him, too.
They haven't met up again. She lives far.
There was a nude photo of her on his FB messages.
I, believe, he sent her one, too.
Based on the messages, I think there may have been some phone sex.
Apparently, they talked for about 6 months (this time) with the "I Love Yous" and sharing their lives being primary.
He cut her off once the phone sex happened. I believe its been a few months.
He says he cut her off because he knew that he was spiraling out of control.
He says its over and wants to work this out.
I cant get past a few things:
He said he loves her. He talked about them getting back together some day when things were different. He said that he wished things had worked out differently.
Although I didn't see it being said, I get the impression both felt like they were/are soul mates.
They talked about him leaving me and being with her or simply having an affair (to which he said he couldn't setting for that.)
She was the one unwilling to be with him. Telling him not to leave me. (Apparently she had no problem having an emotional affair with my husband, but leaving me was unheard of. B*tch)
Their conversations seem more "loving/romantic" then just fling/affair.
I told him to cut her off. He left for work and then called her. It was a 20 minute conversation on the phone. He deleted it from his call log, but I looked it up on the account.
He said he just needed to tell her that he was sorry and good bye.
Today, his best friends wife called me. Apparently, my husband confided in her husband that the two of them made a plan for "secret" messages and that he couldn't imagine never talking to her again. That he still loved her, but he had to put his marriage ahead of their friendship. He hoped that some day they could talk again when all this blew over.
Im worried that he's going to ultimately leave me for her.
Should I believe him this was just a fling and ment nothing, and that he wont do it again?
I feel like if this had been a drunken hookup with a coworker- Id be able to deal with this easier.
Advice?
You guys are in dangerous dangerous territory.
You must make an appt with a marriage counselor TODAY.
If you don't address these issues immediately your relationship will be past the point of no return.
The good news is, it's not there quite yet. There is still time if he will agree to counseling with you.
That makes zero sense, you can accept a drunken sexual encounter with a coworker who he will see on a daily basis but you cannot accept a long distance, nude photo exchange, phone sex fling with a girlfriend from 20+ years ago.
I have got to have way more popcorn for the rest of this story.
PS ~~ The reason you checked the messages on the Facebook account that you knew was not your account is because you are nosy and looking for something to accuse your husband of. (this is my opinion of course but you know the truth)
That makes zero sense, you can accept a drunken sexual encounter with a coworker who he will see on a daily basis but you cannot accept a long distance, nude photo exchange, phone sex fling with a girlfriend from 20+ years ago.
I have got to have way more popcorn for the rest of this story.
Actually my friend, I completely understand what she means
She is saying an act of physical cheating with no emotional component would be much easier to get over because she would know to the guy it was "just sex".
But once a man gets his emotions involved with another woman who is not his wife, he is halfway out the door. And that is very scary for a woman who loves her husband.
I've seen my "first love" on FB and wouldn't dream of ever contacting her out of respect for my wife.
As a matter of fact, if I ever did speak to her again for any reason (not initiated by me), I would thank her for breaking my heart back then. I became much stronger because of it and I wouldn't have met my wife or had my kids or had the life I have today.
Sorry to hear you are going through this OP. He needs to be upfront with you but he sounds like he can't help himself for whatever reason. If this situation happened in my marriage, my wife would be GONE, no questions asked.
I can't offer you advice directly but you can read between my lines.
He has cheating on his mind, is this how you want to live the rest of your life, always waiting for the shoe to drop? If he is creeping around, he has already left you...emotionally.
Forget the marriage counselor and take his stuff and pack it up and put it on the doorstep . He certainly has crossed the line and you need to get tested for stds and etc ...then see a lawyer and find out what rights you have . Yep My first husband was a big ole POS and i put his stuff out and he was gone when I found names and numbers in his wallet . This was pre facebook . He started acting like your SO is acting and time for you to get down to business . Yes it will be hard at first but you will survive and you will be happy when you dont have to worry about what he is doing and what he is bringing home to you . God bless and take care of yourself .
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