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I work at a place where most of the staff are women, many are Divorced some are married but are either cheating on their spouses, trying to do so, or just plain miserable being married.
In my later 30's In recently decided I'd like to have a family, but once I got around all these unhappy people I'm beginning to second guess my decision, even to the point to inquire about someone serving as a serogate so I could have a child of my own.
EX. There is a young woman early 20's I work w/ who has a 2y/o son, she married the father about 3mths ago, and apparently now realizes she made a mistake and having feelings for another man. She says she felt pressured to marry her Husband (who now disgusts her, and she feels he's cheated or will).
I tell you folks I moved to this region to meet a good woman and eventually grow a family, am I better off doing the serogacy route?
What is going on? Anohter woman i work w/ has been married 20+yrs has 4children and has had a 3yr affair w/ a man 20+yrs older than her, and just wont leave her husband?
Surrogacy gets you what you want without the hassle.
Good luck being the sole care-taker of "what you want"! "What you want" is very likely to interrupt your football game, sorry to inform you. Considering how many men don't take care of their children born even in a marriage and don't pay child support, I'd love to see how this arrangement works! Does Nebraska still take returns?
Sounds like your more interested in having a child than a family.
There are many reasons people become unhappy in a marriage. From unrealistic expectations, lazyness, deception to just growing apart and changing goals.
People often stay for the children or because it sometimes seems easier than divorce and starting over. Some really arent that unhappy, they just like to complain.
I stayed about 7 years longer than I should have, only because I wanted to exhaust all options before leaving (marriage counseling, individual counseling). Mostly I stayed because of my son, and because I've seen my own parents go through, and survive, a LOT (now married 43 years), so I figured I could, too. At that time, it was me who was emotionally checking out, because my ex had become apathetic towards the marriage, towards me, and towards our son, and I needed to feel like part of a couple, and family. He sensed something was wrong, and sat me down to talk, one night. When I admitted this to him, that I just wasn't "feeling" it, anymore, it shook him up, and for a while, he was "the perfect husband". But that only lasted so long.
My ex's parents divorced when he was young, his father remarried, and is still married after 20-something years, but his mother has been married 5 times. My ex seemed to model his mother more than his father, unfortunately, so had more of a "throwaway" mindset, but was afraid to pull the trigger. This was in the last years of our marriage - he was going through some very serious personal issues, and refusing to get help. It got to a point at the end where my ex pretty much made the decision for me, by making it impossible and unsafe to keep myself and my son in that environment. So I finally pulled the trigger and filed for divorce.
I know people are always saying it's better for the child to see their Mom and Dad happy and apart, than miserable and together, but we thought we were able to put up a front enough for him, but we were fooling ourselves. My son was affected, and, to this day, has nightmares about what we went through those last few years. It was very, very rough, and more than just a case of apathy.
Couples stay together for a host of reasons including financial, "love", hope, kids, fear of the unknown, religious, social and just not wanting to "fail". It's not wrong as long as the reasons to stay together outweigh the reasons to part. Obviously, it might be a mistake, but we see that in hindsight.
Couples stay together for a host of reasons including financial, "love", hope, kids, fear of the unknown, religious, social and just not wanting to "fail". It's not wrong as long as the reasons to stay together outweigh the reasons to part. Obviously, it might be a mistake, but we see that in hindsight.
Yes, "fear of the unknown". Good point. When I was married, and my ex told me he wanted a divorce, I panicked. We went back into marriage counseling, immediately, at my urging (practically begging). It wasn't until some serious introspection that I realized that was scared to stay, but even more scared to leave. I had been with my ex since I was 20. I didn't know any other life.
But again, a year after the day he told me he wanted out (but never followed up on it) it got to a point where, scared or not, I had to save myself and my son. Once out, I never looked back.
I think it's wrong to stay in a bad marriage, if you have legitimately tried your level best to work through your differences.
Easier said than done. Most men just cannot afford to pay for 2 households anymore. They stay together only to share the cost of one roof and hope that they don't meet in the stairwell.
Easier said than done. Most men just cannot afford to pay for 2 households anymore. They stay together only to share the cost of one roof and hope that they don't meet in the stairwell.
So?
Case in point? My BIL is in an awful marriage. He is married to a soul-sucking harpy of the highest order, a shrew by any description. Yet he stays in the marriage because of the money issue. He hates his life and has had two heart attacks so far, and he's only 47. I have never seen a more joyless person in my life. Yet he just went out and bought a new car and jet skis this summer, making it even harder for him to sever ties.
Money isn't everything. It isn't even most things. I'd rather live in a one-bedroom apartment than live in a mansion with someone who makes me miserable. Life is just way too short, and if you live in a prison with gold bars, it's still a prison.
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