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I see a lot of guys especially maybe guys that met women through an online dating site say they seem to have a hard time sealing a second date with a woman. They go out with her once and even if the date seems to go fairly well she just sort of poofs. Do women think a guy has certain expectations for the second/third date or something? Like if she isn't sure about him 100 percent and is on the fence a little bit do some women think it's better to just not deal with it, disappear, and possibly avoid an awkward situation that could come up? One example maybe...him going in for the kiss or something and she's not feeling it just yet. How do women view the second or third date do you generally not allow one unless you are totally head over heels for the guy?
I agree, the first date wasn't that special to her, so she went poof! Rather than have to deal with the pressures of having to have sex or turn down sex from the guy by the third date.
I see a lot of guys especially maybe guys that met women through an online dating site say they seem to have a hard time sealing a second date with a woman. They go out with her once and even if the date seems to go fairly well she just sort of poofs. Do women think a guy has certain expectations for the second/third date or something?
Whether they met her online or offline is irrelevant. Online dating is just a tool to meet someone. Once you meet in person, all the same rules apply that would be present if you had met them at a bar or at work. If guys are expecting the first date for someone they met online to come with some sort of guarantee of a second date, then the problem is with the guy's expectations. This is why online dating has such a bad rep. People go in with unrealistic expectations and when they inevitably come away disappointed, they blame the tool that got them that first date.
Whether they met her online or offline is irrelevant. Online dating is just a tool to meet someone. Once you meet in person, all the same rules apply that would be present if you had met them at a bar or at work. If guys are expecting the first date for someone they met online to come with some sort of guarantee of a second date, then the problem is with the guy's expectations. This is why online dating has such a bad rep. People go in with unrealistic expectations and when they inevitably come away disappointed, they blame the tool that got them that first date.
Good observation. Funny, since without it they wouldn't have had that date at all. Better to step up to bat and strike out than never get a chance.
I agree, the first date wasn't that special to her, so she went poof! Rather than have to deal with the pressures of having to have sex or turn down sex from the guy by the third date.
So your sort of are saying then that women do feel pressured and think a guy expects something by the end of the third date or so? That's sort of sad in a way I think that's where communication is key...the guy could be
willing to take things slow and match her pace. It does take a spark to set a flame but I don't know it just seems like if the first date went pretty good a second one should be a no brainer. I really can't figure out dating at my age in 2010 so what do I know I'm probably not realizing some things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Whether they met her online or offline is irrelevant. Online dating is just a tool to meet someone. Once you meet in person, all the same rules apply that would be present if you had met them at a bar or at work. If guys are expecting the first date for someone they met online to come with some sort of guarantee of a second date, then the problem is with the guy's expectations. This is why online dating has such a bad rep. People go in with unrealistic expectations and when they inevitably come away disappointed, they blame the tool that got them that first date.
I guess I'll have to agree there once the date happens it doesn't really matter how you met. It just seems like the first date and poof is more prevalent with guys that met women through online dating sites. This is just something I've sort of tracked in my head after reading various dating boards for a few years.
So your sort of are saying then that women do feel pressured and think a guy expects something by the end of the third date or so? That's sort of sad in a way I think that's where communication is key...the guy could be
willing to take things slow and match her pace. It does take a spark to set a flame but I don't know it just seems like if the first date went pretty good a second one should be a no brainer. I really can't figure out dating at my age in 2010 so what do I know I'm probably not realizing some things.
No, I don't really give a rip what the guy expects, who made this three date thing such a rule that anyone should feel pressured over it? If he's not willing to go at the pace this particular relationship dictates, then nothing of value was lost, so no reason to fret about it after the very first date.
Well whatever the case, these women aren't convinced after the first date that these guys are someone that they want to proceed further into more dates and then an actual relationship.
And sometimes it's difficult transitioning from an online friendship/flirt to a real life romantic relationship. Sometimes it's because the pictures are misleading. Or sometimes the online personality doesn't match up to the real life person. I've met a lot of people from other message boards. And many times, these people have been a lot more entertaining with their posts than they are in person. Of course, people are just people, but a good online persona is sort of like an actor in a movie or a fashion model walking down a runway. When people are on a dating site, they are able to take the time to think of really witty things to say, and they post their best pictures of themselves. But during that first in person date, the other person gets all of them, both the positives and the negatives.
So your sort of are saying then that women do feel pressured and think a guy expects something by the end of the third date or so? That's sort of sad in a way I think that's where communication is key...the guy could be
willing to take things slow and match her pace. It does take a spark to set a flame but I don't know it just seems like if the first date went pretty good a second one should be a no brainer. I really can't figure out dating at my age in 2010 so what do I know I'm probably not realizing some things.
I guess I'll have to agree there once the date happens it doesn't really matter how you met. It just seems like the first date and poof is more prevalent with guys that met women through online dating sites. This is just something I've sort of tracked in my head after reading various dating boards for a few years.
women on dating sites can line up pretty much unlimited dates a whole lot easier then they can in real life. log on after work while watching tv and have dozens of msgs just sitting there from d00ds wanting a date. i know some girls that just use sites to serial date over and over because they never meet "that perfect guy"
Well whatever the case, these women aren't convinced after the first date that these guys are someone that they want to proceed further into more dates and then an actual relationship.
I think miu is essentially correct here. I would add, too, that as one becomes clearer about what they want and what they don't want, it becomes easier to say "next candidate, please." One could have a very pleasant date with someone, but if neither party sees it meeting thier objectives then a second date is not in the cards.
I think the sex-on-the-third date thing stems from this logic. If you're willing to go on a second date w/ a person, it clearly means that you found something attractive during the first. And after two dates, if you still like them and are willing to go out again, then the chances are high that there's a pretty good groove on. For many people, that it enough for sex.
Indeed, lots of folks would rather have sex sooner rather than later -- if the sex is bad or you're incompatible in the bedroom, then there's no point going further and getting more emotionally attached. Plenty of people s1ut their way into a relationship and, truth be told, it can be a pretty good strategy in finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Obviously, of course, others want to wait. To each their own.
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