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Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I just said you should find a woman who would be happy with a stay-at-home husband. You sound angry because you know your chances of such an arrangement are slim to none.
I sound angry because most women talk about equality only when it's to their advantage. :-)
I totally disagree with Victor, in fact any man that wants to "be in control" is a control freak and extremely undesirable from any woman's point of view. At least an educated, career woman. In fact, I've never met a male colleague in my life who wanted their wives to stay at home, how pathetic. I find it hilarious that you think a woman who has a job "elevates" herself. Does that also hold true for men? You obviously have extreme issues with control or you wouldn't use a word like "dominance." In a real marriage, you have two career-minded people where neither dominates.
Wow, please don't turn this into a personal attack. I am not saying all men wish to be in the dominant position, but most men do. I personally would love for my girlfriend to get a good job and all that. The thing is a lot of times if a man had to be the stay at home dad and the wife was the breadwinner, he would have problems feeling emasculated. This is just a culture/society issue.
And to be honest, yes having a job does elevate a person. Ask who is in a better position, someone that has been unemployed for the last 10 years with no education, or someone who has a graduate degree making six figures. And to say income/employment status has no affect on a relationship and relationship "power" balance is just naive.
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Originally Posted by CaliTerp07
Okay...didn't know we were back in 1950. Pretty sure my husband was the one who encouraged me to go back to graduate school and get another degree. He also happens to be pretty excited when I get pay raises.
Obviously not all men have an issue with this, but many do. There is a reason why the 1950s were ever like that at all. You think now that we have female rights there's no gender issues? After the civil rights movement is there no more racism?? If anything there are some people who are even more resentful. Alot of the time the wife wont know the real motivations behind the husband. Not everyone has a rainbow marriage.
Btw i am not one of those guys. I would rather have both spouses on an about equal employment status.
Hello,When I become very successful, I would definitely love to fully financially support whoever is my wife at the time, so that she can look beautiful and persue whatever interests she has, whether it be charity work, education, volunteer work, reading, antiques, travel, etc. It would be totally thrilling to get up for work and see her looking gorgeous and happily sleeping by the pool before she leaves to volunteer on a political campaign. Or seeing her walk out the door with an adventurous spirit as she leaves on a trip to some wonderful exotic place and then comes back with a deep perspective.
Sounds like you want a pet for a wife, not a person.
1. To the guys out there, would any of you ever happily work to support a wife while she developed herself in every way followed her interests, traveled and then became a very multifacated mom?
Well, well. Not one man willing to happily work to support a wife, yet the majority of male posters (you know who you are) continually claim that most women don’t work, a woman’s job/education is not important in a relationship, women just want his money and to be taken care of, men shouldn’t marry because women will take all your stuff, wealth and future income. How is it they know so much about that when none of them support a wife? Do these kind of women really even exist?
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2. Have any of you ever known of any couples where the husband led a structured career/work oriented life supporting the lifestyle of a woman who led a free life following her own interests and development, even perhaps traveling? If so, how did the lifestyle work out for the couple?
Exactly one. He (short, bald, fat and rich) Her young, blond, tall, thin. Well, they are still married as far as I know.
I know only a few women who dont work. They definitely do not lead the life you described. But then I don’t know many very wealthy people.
I don’t think the arrangement you describe is very common these days. The majority of people cant afford that kind of luxury and as women are more educated and have equal opportunities most want to do more with their life than look pretty, do charity work and read romance novels.
Haven't you asked this question a few times already? This is you, right?
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Originally Posted by Davidmacintosh
Hello,
As I mentioned in an early post, when I get married, I may be proud to work to support my wife allowing her the freedom to truly develop herself in every way , becoming a beautiful, well rested, multifacated, well rounded, highly intelligent person. Many people say that it is a "rip-off" to be willing to work hard to support a wife. These people state that it is ididotic to be at the office (or other business), while your wife gets to live a life of freedom and be her owm boss. However, it can be quite pleasurable to work to allow someone you love to live a beautiful life. My question is the following:
To the men out there who completely financially support their wives:
How do you feel about the fact that your wife has significantly more freedom than you in terms of not having to work, get up in the morning, can travel more, can do things at different hours? Do you enjoy supporting her?
To any women who are financially supported by their husbands: How do you feel about being supported and the freedom you have.
I would greatly appreciate any interesting thoughts or perspectives.
As with 99% of all questions on CD, the answer is "Depends."
Scenario One: Wife stays home, takes care of the house, and little else. Not much social life, watches a lot of television, maybe plays a little tennis. Well, if you don't have kids, then there's just not that much housework. I would really wonder how someone could be so unambitious and unmotivated in her life. Pretty much, I would wonder that about anyone, and it's really doubtful that I would have married her in the first place.
Scenario Two: Wife stays home, takes care of the house, but has lots of outside pursuits and interests (And by that, I don't mean Enrico the gardener). To me, I think that would be a great thing. I would be pleased that my wife was having a fulfilling life and that I could make that possible for someone I loved.
Scenario Three: Wife stays home, doesn't do squat for housework, and is constantly off doing whatever the hell she damned well pleases. In this situation, I would feel that I was in a parasitic relationship with someone who doesn't care enough about the relationship to take care of her basic responsibilities in the marriage, but is instead entitled to her own avocations. I would come to resent her very quickly.
In short, three possibilities, three different kinds of outcomes. I think a woman in that situation should be aware that staying at home is a privilege in modern society, and should recognize her responsibilities to the marriage. Likewise, the man in that marriage should recognize that the woman shouldn't be stuck at home all day home, cleaning the house until it gleams. However, greeting him at the door with a martini, clad only in Glad Wrap would be a nice touch.
Within the past few years, there have been many articles about the latest phenomena of Stay at Home Wives, women who are financially supported by their husband, yet do not have any kids in their home. These wives do everything from charity work to housework to second college degrees.
When I become very successful, I would definitely love to fully financially support whoever is my wife at the time, so that she can look beautiful and persue whatever interests she has, whether it be charity work, education, volunteer work, reading, antiques, travel, etc. It would be totally thrilling to get up for work and see her looking gorgeous and happily sleeping by the pool before she leaves to volunteer on a political campaign. Or seeing her walk out the door with an adventurous spirit as she leaves on a trip to some wonderful exotic place and then comes back with a deep perspective.
Later on when we have kids, her free time will enable her to be a great parents and a well rounded one and multifaceted one at that. My questions are the following:
1. To the guys out there, would any of you ever happily work to support a wife while she developed herself in every way followed her interests, traveled and then became a very multifacated mom?
2. Have any of you ever known of any couples where the husband led a structured career/work oriented life supporting the lifestyle of a woman who led a free life following her own interests and development, even perhaps traveling? If so, how did the lifestyle work out for the couple?
Any thoughts would be tremendously appreciated.
Hi DavidTrader101;
Already doing it. She is taking care of two young ones now. With my help, its nothing but good food, sex and love for 7 years.
I think most husbands do NOT like their wives getting educations and good jobs. THey like being the ones in control and when their wives elevate themselves, they lose power and control. Its a power struggle thing. They don't want to lose dominance or be left behind.
Hi victorhe33,
I can't agree with the no education part. Most men want women who are roughly as educated, perhaps a little less is OK. The good job part is a problem because women HATE stay at home dads. The biggest reason why marriages with career women can suck is because women HATE stay at home dads. Even if you find a woman who does not, if you ever find yourself on the market again, you will be a laughing stock because women absolutely detest stay at home dads.
So it means when you marry a career woman, you will both need to work. Chinese takeout, Salisbury steak dinner, no sex, getting up at 5 AM driving the kids to daycare, ruining your career with sick kids etc. Next, try and move for the promotion. Good luck with that.
There is one little caveat to this. Realize what you are asking a woman to do when she quits her job. Marry a good one and don't complain in divorce court if she sabotaged her career and wants compensation.
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