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In light of the fact that a women's shelter won't take in Alexander, you need to think of another option...because you don't want to leave your son with J.
Call the # the shelter gave you ~ this is their business ~ they will guide you on WHERE to go or where to find reasonable housing, or just what your next move could be. They'll probably help you with names of sympathetic divorce attorneys.
Call your deacon and ask him if he knows of any reasonable housing for you and the children ~ truth is that you only need 2 bedrooms now, Alex in one and you ladies in the other ~ don't need much more at this time ~ you need to feel safe and free for a while, before you can think about the rest of your life.
So that's two more ideas on what to do at this moment ... We can only give you ideas, Robyn. God has shown that you think well, when put to the test...
I usually don't write long letters I am sorrry
When you go to a facility,ask questions,ask what to do about the kids
Ask a church,ask communities,not talking communities,commuities that physically help.
Be strong!
You are lucky that you are still healty,use your logic,you know that, trust yourself
Yes, to both MsV and dragonten's posts. Find affordable housing through these support groups mentioned. They should be able to help and guide you in the right direction as to what would be the best thing to do. I agree that leaving is the best option, but in order to do it within the law and not endanger long-term custody of the kids, certain procedures should be followed.
Go to a facility,those people have seen a lot,they should know what to do about your kids,will be able to give you instructions
Even the church can help
Please do something physically,not just talking forum,somewhere there is a place where you can find real help.
I am sorry,but I usually write long letters,just want to make my points.
Ran into Jim downstairs when I was coming back from the bank, he was going to the courthouse. Says he was going to pick up a booklet that tells about doing child support correctly under VA laws.
This was on his to do list. He goes to the lawyer next.
Seconding the ideas of calling the shelter and your church for ideas. And what about public housing or Section 8 subsidized housing? Any chance of that? Public housing complexes can be scary and not a good environment for kids, but Section 8 is a voucher program where if you find a Section 8 landlord, depending on your income, you can get a voucher for part of the rent. Or at least that used to be the case. That would involve some investigation and lots of paperwork, but it might be an option.
[quote=Marlow;1203448]Seconding the ideas of calling the shelter and your church for ideas. And what about public housing or Section 8 subsidized housing? Any chance of that? Public housing complexes can be scary and not a good environment for kids, but Section 8 is a voucher program where if you find a Section 8 landlord, depending on your income, you can get a voucher for part of the rent. Or at least that used to be the case. That would involve some investigation and lots of paperwork, but it might be an option.[/quotee
Great idea! I sell quite a few rentals with section 8. But remember not all owners accept section 8. But the Section 8 will help them find a housing,that
is an excellent idea!
Thanks for the kind words MsV and cinderobyn.
I started reading all of the posts on the religion forum and then followed them up.
I married my wife 27 years ago, and she was my high school sweetheart, so as such I wanted to see if your marital love was truely lost and not worth trying to recover. BTW, my wife and I have 3 boys ages 12 through 19, so I can imagine the hardship this can cause any family.
cinderobyn, I realize that you feel claustrophobic & trapped in your marriage. And unless Jim is ready to move out soon, then you're going to have to choose just how fast to proceed with the legal separation. Your last post indicated a very good understanding about this & your options.
If you do find an apartment that you're willing to move into, then it will just be your first physical step towards your legal separation. And then if you decide to give notice to your landlord, your name will be able to come off of your present rental agreement to protect youself from financial exposure if Jim doesn't pay, and he can worry about himself. That choice is yours to make.
If you let him know that you're now looking, maybe he will move out sooner to protect the kid's living situation.
Just keep taking it one day at time like you have and don't hastily rush into a bad apartment situation when you're not experiencing domestic violence, or verbal abuse of a threatening nature. The cops are only a phone call away if need be, but I don't see that happening since you want to keep Jim working to support the kids, and he seems to be making a little progress.
I actually know a married couple with 2 kids where one of them separated by moving into the basement of their mortgaged home.
Since you do work so hard, you shouldn't have to rush to move unless the right unit becomes available, because a week or a month won't make much of a difference in the long run, and most likely you'll be stuck there for a while.
You're intelligent & strong, and you've shown that your behavior is always sincere & cordial.
May God Bless.
I know none of us are in your shoes, so all we can do is share our opinions and give you our support. Keeping all of that in mind, here's my suggestion: proceed as if you and the kids will be the ones to move. Save what $ you can, keep looking for places that might work for you, make the necessary phone calls, etc. Then, if he keeps stalling, and eventually refuses to leave (which I think is a likely possibility) then you'll be mentally and emotionally prepared, and well on your way since you will also have already started doing research on your options. Hopefully, he will just move out and you'll be able to work something out with the landlord, but given the resistance you've already encountered with both J. and the landloard, maybe you and the kids really would be better off somewhere else. Keep doing your writing, walking, and praying...you are becoming more clear headed and resiliant everyday. Keep trusting your instincts, keeping a cool head, and making the wise decisions that you are.
If you and J. are still sleeping in the same bed together, I would consider putting a stop to that. It might cause J. to freak out even more, but it also will make all of this the more real to him I think. Start treating him like a roommate--he doesn't need to know where you are and who you're talking to all the time, he doesn't get to have his moments of pretending things haven't changed, and he doesn't dictate your life, voice, feelings, YOU anymore.
Once you insist on separating- J will get it that his reality is about to change. My concerns- from being a fly on the wall- are 1- that he will then resort to violence and/or 2- that you won't make the move until school starts. Either way, your children will suffer. You are showing them now how to deal with abuse. And what you are showing them is to make excuses for not getting away from it.
And why do you continue to be at his beck and call via the cell phone? Maybe if you don't take his calls he will leave VMs that can be used for a restraining order or to secure shelter with your children. Maybe you need to send the kids to your sister or brothers during this time and finalize things.
You don't need to wait until he speaks to someone about child support. That is dictated by statute.
I fear we will all be reading about you in a headline. Then we can start a new thread.
I know this is harsh, but I don't think you realize how sensitive everything is right now and how it can turn on a dime as he realizes that his time is running out. Desperate people do desperate things. And he sounds as though he is getting to that point.
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