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Robyn, I can't help but think that you absolutely must put a stop to this kind of talk. You won't buy a motorcyle together because there is no more "together" anymore. You won't stretch again for him because there is no more "we" anymore. When he says these things you need to immediately stop him. Tell him as far as you are concerned, you are divorced. Tell him to never comment on your looks, or anything else that says "couple." Tell him over and over that this marriage is over and he only needs to speak to you in regards to the divorce or the children---period.
You say that you hope things don't get dirty---they already are. It's time to play hardball. You need to move out of the bedroom you share and into your daughter's room. You need to make it EXPLICIT on a regular basis that it is over. You probably need to start thinking about telling the kids too. Not doing these things, I think, is sending him mixed messages. However, everything I just wrote goes out the window if you think it will put you or the kids in any physical danger. He is delusional and you cannot feed that delusion.
2 people with the same advice, you are giving him too much ammunition. I totally agree with leavingcali, I just said it, maybe a little differently. But obviously we had both just read what you wrote and came to the same conclusion as I am sure other supporters have. STOP NOW!! Anything to do with family or marriage or WE.... Kudos... leavingcali. Stay strong Robyn!!
Robyn, you have chosen to continue the role you've played within the family unit for years. He cast you in this role. He still is in control. Don't allow him to define who you are any longer.
However, as leavingcali said, if this puts you in physical danger, do whatever you need to do to stay safe. File a police report and get a paper trail going. You will still need to be cautious no matter if the police are involved or not.
The very next time he flips out, call the police and then get a restraining order, that will get him out of the house and give you time to file the separation agreement. You will get the house, you have the kids. A mediator will see that you are the parent that the children need to be with, he has no home to raise them in.
He has to get out of the house. He will not take kindly to your indifference and may blow up verbally,... call the police, it will be on record of a domestic dispute, even if he is not arrested, you can then get a restraining order.
Best of luck....
Terry
Yeah that will make things easier, get the police envolved. I'm sure that will help you with the landlord. The best thing to do is to move out.
I agreee with all of you, I have slep in my bed, good sleep for about 3 hours now, and now I will make my bed on the couch, for another night.
When we speak, it usually isn't lengthy. But at any rate, we speak, not as much anymore.
I hear what you all are saying, I know.
In the same sentence, I just woke up, and I am going back to sleep, sound so weird, but I am.
All of this has been taxing, especially since I felt like the stress/trauma ans sleeplessness was better, but then after yesterday with him, I feel like I am right back.
So, to the couch it is.
Robyn. He did ask to go with us today to the mall, and i said no, even with the kids asking me as well. That was hard, for me to do that to the kids, but I told them it was just me and them.
I am trying to do things as though he is not here, as though i do not see him. I try to answer in yes/no. Sometimes it doesn't always work. So...I work on it.
This was on my mind today too
Get a restraining order
Stop talking about him
The documents on this and other threads should stand in court
I don't know how hard it is to get a restaining order where you live but here you must prove you. are or feel in danger for yourself and or children, your word is not good enough and calling the police for him yelling wont do it either, you must have a police report showing he physicaly abused you or witness's to the abuse, if you claim mental abuse with no witness your children may have to testify, photo's will work. the documents in this thread probably will not be allowed in court, a diary will because it is private, he may be able to use this thread himself if admitted in court.
The fact is if you want this over you need to move out, sell your tv and everything else to get a new place or find a shelter to take you in.
I am sorry to make all this comments, each city is different,Just trying to help.Whatever it is,she needs to take action quickly,this is my last comment.
Good luck Robyn.
I am sorry to make all this comments, each city is different,Just trying to help.Whatever it is,she needs to take action quickly,this is my last comment.
Good luck Robyn.
i'm not saying your wrong, I could be wrong about the way things work where she lives, don't stop because of what I say, you could be right, she needs to go over all of this with a lawyer.
sorry.
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