Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
No I'm sorry but I'm a single mom and if my childrens father ever ever told me who I could have in my home which I pay for he would get slapped. As I said,he isn't there so what concern is it of his? What is it,mom isn't supposed to have a love life? As id said I'm willing to bet he has a live in girlfriend. If the real dad was so concerned what was going on in her home maybe he should be there
Well, your first fallacy here is that a dad has no interest or say-so in his children's lives after the divorce papers are signed. Just because he doesn't love you any more doesn't mean he doesn't love them. And just because you have custody does not mean you have 100% authority on how they're raised and what kind of home environment you can provide. In other words: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.
Slap away all you want. But family law is on his side in that kind of situation. And if you're being literal in that statement, then it could have you arrested for assault so fast your head would swim. Then it's bye-bye kids and you're the one who is having to fight for visitation rights. Because no judge wants to see kids living with a violent hothead.
As far as having a love life is concerned, of course you do. But that doesn't mean exposing your children to it on a daily basis. Smart and wise parents in that situation slowly introduce a new love interest in the life, and only allow the new love interest to set up housekeeping once there is a sound and reasonably stable relationship. What's more, you're making a huge intuitive leap with your theory that the dad has a live-in.
The mother of my brother-in-law's daughter was like that, basically allowing any creep to move in after a handful of dates without ever thinking about the emotional consequences to the girl. Let me tell you what. The lack of a stable family totally and utterly f***ed up that girl. It's going to take years of counseling to help her achieve some kind of normalcy. My BIL is a bit of a fool, but at least he fought to gain custody, thereby saving that poor child from God knows what.
I don't understand what's wrong with mom moving in her boyfriend. She is not supposed to have a life because she has children? I don't understand.I be willing to bet the real father has a life(live in girlfriend),so why can't mom? I would have some shouting words with my ex hubby if he ever tried to tell me who I could have living in my home.
There are plenty of couples that live in separate homes until they get married. Don't know why this would be so hard for single parents.
well where do i start
big change for me
i've been living alone for quite some time
kids are 13 and 16
16 year old daughter is lazy and disrespectful
no job, no drivers license, no desire to get either
i'm confused as to my role in her life
not married to mom = not "step-father"
not my house = sometimes doesn't feel like my "home"
kids never had male role model / father figure in the home
do i take on role of parent
do i discipline
having hard time accepting kids behavior
confused and tired of losing sleep
thank you
first timer here
unaware of "forum" procedure
Don't worry most people here are gonna draw all kinds of conclusions at once here. From your starting thread I feel like you might not have discussed the whole kids thing enough before moving in. The 16 year old is naturally gonna be the way she is. she's a 16 year old girl, and if she's decided to dislike you well... it's gonna take a while for her not to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
You should not have moved in. Silly boy. You are asking questions now that you should have been asking long ago. Everything should have been worked out ahead of time, ideally before your marriage. Alas, people are stupid.
I agree that some questions should have been brought up earlier, but not more than that...
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Why? Because she would be dragging the children into a situation where there's likely no stability. Further she would be teaching the children some dubious things about relationships. Finally, there's no telling who she dragged off the street as the boyfriend du jour.
So shout all you want. A father with any backbone would be marching you into family court for exposing your children to an unhealthy home environment. And winning.
Why is there likely no stability? you and a lot of other people are assuming that he's there to compete with the children for the mother attention. If he's a decent guy this is simply not the case. and what would she be teaching them by being lonely? that it's bad to be with someone? she's got every right to have a healthy love-life. The father doesn't have anything to to with the situation unless the new guy is acting in a terrible manner towards the children like being violent or similar.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseygal4u
No I'm sorry but I'm a single mom and if my childrens father ever ever told me who I could have in my home which I pay for he would get slapped. As I said,he isn't there so what concern is it of his? What is it,mom isn't supposed to have a love life? As id said I'm willing to bet he has a live in girlfriend. If the real dad was so concerned what was going on in her home maybe he should be there
If I was the father I would make sure to meet the new guy to get an opinion about him, if he seems decent I'd still keep an eye and tell the mother to have open eyes, but I wouldn't be against her having a new relationship in her house unless I was still in love with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
You are missing the point. This is not about what the children's father wants, it is about what is BEST and HEALTHIEST for the children.
Mom can have a love life and get as freaky as she wants to be. On her own time. It is selfish and gross to bring the lover into her children's home and lives until and unless she and this man have established a stable, committed, legal relationship.
Maintaining a separate home from a lover should not be an undue hardship for a custodial parent who really has his or her kids' best interest in mind first and foremost. Sadly, too many women sacrifice their kids' well-being for the attention of a man who has no intention of committing.
Why is it best for the children to not witness a relationship? they're hopefully not banging against the kitchen door, are they?
How's she supposed to find time to go dating the other guy as a single mom of 2 kids?
Finnaly I'd like to say my opinion starting from the OPs thread; Whats done is done, so let's go from this point; you're in and living with the family, wondering how to handle the kids.
I think it's fully OK to move in with a mother of 2 children, especially considering that both are teenagers and supposed to start handling more and more of their business themselves. As for your questions you should ask her about these issues. What does she want her kids to be raised like; where does she put you in their lives etc. What principles of teaching values etc does she support etc.
You can't run in and try to set your "I'm the man of this home now"-flag on top of the chimney, but you can definitively ask her if she wants you to take some authority when it comes to the kids.
Maybe she wishes the 16-year old would have a job and be practicing for a driver license, then maybe you could build some bridges teaching her to drive. the point is that you ask the mother first what her intentions are.
I think that what you write about the 16-year olds ambitions etc and your frustrations about them are a sign of caring somewhere rather than resentment as many others here seem to read. and teenagers will always be rude, that's part of the deal.
What? I'm a parent of three children, and I'm thinking you're the one who doesn't know anything. Driver's license are issued at age 16 in the states. And most kids have some kind of job at this age. To me, I think a parent who doesn't encourage children to get a part-time job borders on negligent.
I knew plenty of kids who didn't rush out to get a driver's license at age 16, including myself and my sister. I didn't start driving alone until I was almost 16, and my sister didn't start driving on her own until college. Both of us turned out just fine. I can also think of plenty of cities where owning a car and having a drivers license are completely optional because of decent public transportation. There are plenty of legitimate reasons for not having a driver's license at the age of 16.
I also didn't have a part-time job until I got to college. My "negligent" parents wanted me to concentrate on school instead of earning some pocket change working as a wage slave at a fast food restaurant, so they never pushed me to get a job when I was that young. I guess their negligence paid off since I did well enough to earn a full-ride scholarship to a 4-year university. That scholarship allowed me to earn a Computer Science degree, which has kept me employed in IT for almost 5 1/2 straight years. I make enough money to own my home and a new car. I'd say my "negligent" parents did quite all right, wouldn't you?
You are missing the point. This is not about what the children's father wants, it is about what is BEST and HEALTHIEST for the children.
Mom can have a love life and get as freaky as she wants to be. On her own time. It is selfish and gross to bring the lover into her children's home and lives until and unless she and this man have established a stable, committed, legal relationship.
Maintaining a separate home from a lover should not be an undue hardship for a custodial parent who really has his or her kids' best interest in mind first and foremost. Sadly, too many women sacrifice their kids' well-being for the attention of a man who has no intention of committing.
Very very true. You and cpg have it right.
What kind of mother would do this to her kids? A careful marriage might be one thing but bringing men home to shack up for a while when teenage kids live in the home is pretty clueless all the way around.
Kids need a happy stable home.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Please see this thread: 
